Wondering if I did the right thing?

RagsOBrien

Hi everyone,

So I was in a relationship with a girl for about 5 months towards the end of last year and into 2015. We hit it off immediately when we started dating and the chemistry was very intense and very new/exciting. It was going great but then we started to have problems. She was my first girlfriend (I only started to date women for the first time last year) and is herself out as being gay and looking for a seriois relationship.

I didn't start with that intention but it got serious quite quickly where we were spending a lot of time together and the 'l' word was exchanged both ways after about 2 months. I met her family & a few of her friends. The trouble started really when she started pushing me to spend more time with her family. My family does not know about her, only a few close friends. I didn't feel comfortable telling mine at all as I didn't/don't feel ready to tell them I am attracted to women and quite possibly gay. I also felt uncomfortable around her family and friends. They are not bad people but I just felt awkward around them and this became a big problem.

She felt like I wasn't serious about her & our relationship which I was but it was moving very fast. So after a minor row in February, I ended it thinking it was for the best. We have been in some contact since but lately she has withdrawn and the contact has effectively stopped. I feel like she wants to move on and I know she's been on dates and kissed a few other girls which saddens me. She told me I meant a lot to her and she loved me but I am not sure if this is the case any longer.

The thing is I miss her terribly and think of every day almost constantly. I think the relationship ended before I really wanted it to & before we had a chance to really grow. There was so much potential there. I am unsure about reaching out to her now as it could well be too late and I don't think we will have the support of her social network and definitely not mine (the family in particular) which makes it very difficult. I feel as if I can't move on from her.

I never felt that connection in a relationship with anyone else before and she really did touch my heart. I ended it in a moment when I was scared and insecure. I fear the unknown and am torturing myself every day about this. I don't want to date or be with anyone else when I am still in love with her.

I am wondering if I should leave it another while and maybe try reach out to her again? I have some things in my life that I really need to fix (career, telling family possibly, sorting my finances and getting fit) but I worry that she won't be interested any longer, will forget me and move on. Any advice appreciated. Thanks..

beks101

I think you need to deal with your sexuality before you can even think about reaching out to her again. Your hesitance and indecision and hiding the relationship obviously really hurt her, how could it not? It wouldn't be fair to draw her back in without the promise of an open, honest, transparent relationship that you can celebrate with both of your respective family and friends. That's the least anyone should expect in a healthy happy relationship.

The fitness and finances - less of an issue. Those can be dealt with respective of your relationship status. But it's time now to figure out what you want and who you are and being comfortable with that and introducing it to the people in your life, before trying to salvage any kind of relationship with this girl.

Matteroffact

Have you told her exactly what you have said here, that might be a start.

ruskin

Baby come back, because I need you, I was wrong, and I just can't live without you..

RagsOBrien

Thanks for your replies...I am not in the right place now to try to get back together with her in all honesty but sometimes feel like I should try and see if she wants to give it another go . A lot of changes wiuld be needed before that can happen (mainly on my part) and I need a lot more time to do that. Having to face to my secual orientation is the biggest challenge at the moment and it has been a painful & confusing year for me. I am trying to speak to more lgbt people and get involved in those circles for advice etc as I feel a bit isolated at times. My friends are generally supportive but all straight & don't fully relate.
In the mean time, I still miss my ex but trying to keep busy with other things for the moment.

Taltos

OP
There is a really good community here that might be able to help give you some support / advice.
You'll find them here.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=255

Best of luck.