Would You Bother Texting Back?

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Just a quick bit of advice needed here. Bumped into ex of mine (of close on a year now in July) the other night. I was civil but didn't engage much (what's there to say really?).
Bit of background;
He dumped me at the time, after 2 years and tbh it hit me hard and felt like sh!te for a long time. In that time he never once contacted me to see was I OK or anything. Not that it matters one iota now and was obviously now for the best.

Put him and all that behind me, pulled my life together and not to sound too big-headed I'm looking great, been doing lots of work in the gym, lost weight, toned up and whole new wardrobe etc. I feel great about myself. Lots of other guys interested in me.

Anyhow he texts me the next day saying it was lovely to see me and shame we didn't chat for longer. I've decided not to text back at all. I know it sounds ignorant but I really feel I owe this person zilch (he as treated fierce well by me) and have moved on. Think I'm doing the right thing?

MadDog76

extext wrote: »

Hi All,

Just a quick bit of advice needed here. Bumped into ex of mine (of close on a year now in July) the other night. I was civil but didn't engage much (what's there to say really?).
Bit of background;
He dumped me at the time, after 2 years and tbh it hit me hard and felt like sh!te for a long time. In that time he never once contacted me to see was I OK or anything. Not that it matters one iota now and was obviously now for the best.

Put him and all that behind me, pulled my life together and not to sound too big-headed I'm looking great, been doing lots of work in the gym, lost weight, toned up and whole new wardrobe etc. I feel great about myself. Lots of other guys interested in me.

Anyhow he texts me the next day saying it was lovely to see me and shame we didn't chat for longer. I've decided not to text back at all. I know it sounds ignorant but I really feel I owe this person zilch (he as treated fierce well by me) and have moved on. Think I'm doing the right thing?

Absolutely! Definitely do NOT text him back ......... congrats on moving on ........ keep moving!

CaraMay

Don't bother. A leopard doesbg change it spots

retro:electro

Listen to your gut, it's telling you not to go there. You had the opportunity most girls want to have when they meet their exes, you look and feel great and he sees that, fair play to you. Don't look back.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel. It is great when you meet an ex and your looking and feeling good.
Don't go back to him or text him. The reality is he had his chance with you and did not realise what he had then. It is his loss not yours.

stop animal cruelty

Dont tb...l made that mistake...fuk em...you keep going

Stavro Mueller

extext wrote: »

He dumped me at the time, after 2 years and tbh it hit me hard and felt like sh!te for a long time. In that time he never once contacted me to see was I OK or anything. Not that it matters one iota now and was obviously now for the best.

If you've ever seen other threads here, the advice that most people give is to cut contact when a break-up happens. Especially if, like in your case, you didn't want to break up. All your ex getting in contact would've done would have been to either give you false hope or upset you all over again.

As I can see, the break-up led you to make very positive changes in your life. Well done you - I hope you are enjoying your new lease of life :cool:

Your ex is an ex for a reason so don't forget that. When you were an item, he gave the issue some thought and decided you were for the high jump. If he's suddenly interested again based purely on your looks, you've got to wonder is he a bit shallow? (No, I don't want to start a row over looks/weight). On the other hand, maybe he was just being polite or friendly.

Either way, I don't think you should text him again. I think if you were comfortable with the idea and didn't have doubts you'd not have started this thread. Your gut is telling you it's wrong and I am a big believer in following that. If you sense something is not right, go with that. It can take a while for your brain to catch up and make sense of it all.

Sleepless and Manic

extext wrote: »

Anyhow he texts me the next day saying...

Block his number too.

:cool:

LegacyUser

Don't text back. Well done. Congrats, your better then him now.


Now don't post on a public boards for validation. This is for helping people, not patting people on the back for getting one up on their ex.

dudara

Personally. I think it's rude not to reply. If you don't want to speak to him in future, I'd reply with "Thanks for the text, but I don't want to communicate further with you". At least then you've clearly drawn a line under it. Not replying at all just seems immature.

strobe

I'd text back if it was me, yeah. Be kind of snotty not to. Sounds like he's just trying to be civil. Wouldn't really hold that he didn't send you "are you OK?" texts after the break up against him too much. That's usually a terrible idea as the other person often latches onto it as hope of getting back together.

ManOfMystery

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

"he dumped me"
"he never contacted me once to see if I was ok"
etc

This paints a picture of a cold and uncaring individual.

Yet this forum is full of threads from guys who aren't happy in relationships, for whatever reasons, and with many posters urging them to end it. And not to contact their ex afterwards as that is only prolonging the agony and giving them false hope. Isn't that what he did?

You don't mention anything about him cheating or any other deceit which led to the end of your relationship, so I assume it just wasn't working for him and he did what had to be done. In that case, I think it would be a bit rude to not at least reply once. He hasn't made any indication he wants back with you, it sounds to me like he's just being friendly with someone who was a big part of his life and feels it is ok to do so now that some time has passed and all the traumatic parts associated with any breakup have subsided somewhat.

Ultimately though, it's your decision and you have to decide what's best for you. There's no winning or losing here, just a guy saying hello again and you can either choose to engage or not engage. It's not a contract.

miamee

extext wrote: »

Anyhow he texts me the next day saying it was lovely to see me and shame we didn't chat for longer. I've decided not to text back at all. I know it sounds ignorant but I really feel I owe this person zilch (he as treated fierce well by me) and have moved on. Think I'm doing the right thing?

If you don't want to be rude but don't want to open the lines of communication, a simple reply saying "It was lovely to see you too" should work. You enjoyed seeing him but you don't plan to do it again

Lots of people have said about the guy being a bad person with little or no evidence of this, bar their breaking up with this person and not contacting them once, which is the standard advice given - cut all contact. Sorry, I just don't believe in joining in a circle jerk, especially when we know nothing about their relationship, how this person was in the relationship - I mean, for all we know the majority of the problems come from her.

OP, congratulations on getting yourself to a better place and whether you want to contact them, it would be nice just to say, yes it was fun to see you. Keep it civil, keep it nice, because you don't know if you'll see them again. So if you put them down nicely, it'll be so much less awkward for both of you.

I would text back out of common courtesy, but I wouldn't engage in a conversation. I'd reciprocate the compliment and leave it at that.

On another note:

In that time he never once contacted me to see was I OK or anything

Is this a thing? If I break up with someone, am I expected to contact them asking if their okay? That sounds like twisting the knife to me. If I cause the hurt and pain, surely getting in touch would only reignite and prolong that pain.

Dark Phoenix

strobe wrote: »

Wouldn't really hold that he didn't send you "are you OK?" texts after the break up against him too much. That's usually a terrible idea

Totally agree with you there.

An ex once asked me 'was i ok' a few days after we broke up. This was after he had acted like a complete pr*ck for weeks, lied to me, had me worried sick and then walked out. I wanted to punch him. Of course i wasnt okay, such a bloody stupid question.

Confucius say

Just let by gones be by gones. It's up to you whether you reply or not either way it doesn't really matter.
You could just send a trivial dead end text, only you know what to do. Either way no big deal.

Lollipops23

I was in a very similar situation to you to be honest, and I would have found it hard not text back.

I've since realised that the best revenge is living an awesome life. Go on adventures, meet new people and laugh until your sides might burst. It's the only way to really move forwards.

Neyite

It must have felt good to look terrific bumping into him.

I'd be in the non-commital reply camp - reply, but dont give any openers. Even if its just a thanks, nice to talk to you too.

magicmushroom

Don't text him back.

Have to say, I'm delighted for you that you bumped into him looking great, feeling great - he obviously saw what he has been missing!

catonthewire

Of course you're doing the right thing, because it's the right thing for you..

You have moved on, you met him and were cordial....
Simply ignore the text and get on with enjoying life....

skallywag

If I was you I would send him a (short) reciprocal text and then leave it at that, even if he does reply to it.

Not replying at all will come across as immature, whereas a short reply then followed by no subsequent answers to his texts will leave you on the high ground while still leaving him clear as to where he stands.

Taboola

I don't think you should reply. If you send him a reply and he doesn't respond it might upset you more.

Fair play to you for moving on.

LegacyUser

skallywag wrote: »

If I was you I would send him a (short) reciprocal text and then leave it at that, even if he does reply to it.

Not replying at all will come across as immature, whereas a short reply then followed by no subsequent answers to his texts will leave you on the high ground while still leaving him clear as to where he stands.

Hi all op here again. I took this advice because yea, I do think it's a little immature to ignore after balancing it all up. I replied with a short reply days later, more an acknowledgement text than a conversation. As I say no ill will towards the chap and wish him all the best but he's the past, not much different to a random person in the street now that I happened to share some history with!
Thanks for all the replies, some great advice here as usual.
Didn't think something so trivial would become so commented on ðŸ˜႒

Tigger99

Or sending a response might encourage him to reply. I'd say leave well alone and don't reply.

MadDog76

Extext wrote: »

Hi all op here again. I took this advice because yea, I do think it's a little immature to ignore after balancing it all up. I replied with a short reply days later, more an acknowledgement text than a conversation. As I say no ill will towards the chap and wish him all the best but he's the past, not much different to a random person in the street now that I happened to share some history with!
Thanks for all the replies, some great advice here as usual.
Didn't think something so trivial would become so commented on ðŸ˜႒

Tigger99 wrote: »

Or sending a response might encourage him to reply. I'd say leave well alone and don't reply.

Late to the party much?

Tigger99

Not as late as you it seems. The post wasn't approved until after I posted.

MadDog76

Tigger99 wrote: »

Not as late as you it seems. The post wasn't approved until after I posted.

:P

LegacyUser

Taboola wrote: »

I don't think you should reply. If you send him a reply and he doesn't respond it might upset you more.

Fair play to you for moving on.

Yea 6 months ago this would have been the case and hence the no contact. Recommend that to anyone going through a break up, its the only way to move on.

And as others have rightly said the best "revenge" (not that revenge really applies in this case!) is living in your life and making the best of everything including yourself!

Let us know if you need further advice op