Playing on the street

The_Honeybadger

We live in a busy estate of about 120 houses. Our house is at the entrance and the traffic in and out is insanely busy. We have a decent sized back garden but our three kids are now constantly asking to play outside the front. We don't have a front garden as such, and the front door is 10 yards from the road. The pestering starts when they get home from afterschools and it's becoming unbearable. The oldest is nearly 8 and the youngest is 3. I totally understand they are kids and want adventure but we are deeply uncomfortable with the idea of the younger two in particular playing outside near the road and it isn't always possible to be outside with them as we are both working and there is lots to do when we get home after picking them up.

The big problem is that the estate is swarming with kids on bikes and scooters and there are constant knocks on the door in the evenings asking can they come out to play outside. We have been taking them out for a while every evening and watching over them but it's never enough for them obviously. Just this evening I saw a kid who couldn't be more than 3 cycle straight out in front of a car that had to brake to avoid hitting them. There are no other parents to be seen usually. We don't allow ours out unsupervised under any circumstances but it is becoming a lot more difficult to say no as they get older and they see all their friends having fun outside.

Just wondering how other parents deal with this? Some may say I'm being overprotective and I do understand that point of view, indeed I'm sure the other parents in the estate probably think I'm mental watching over them the way I do but in my view it simply isn't safe to be out there at their age, purely because of the traffic. It's causing a lot of arguments and tantrums at this stage and I'm beginning to dread the thought of the rest of the summer. Any advice would be appreciated.

endacl

They must be seriously precocious newborns or toddlers to be asking to play on the street!

Fair play.

The_Honeybadger

endacl wrote: »

They must be seriously precocious newborns or toddlers to be asking to play on the street!

Fair play.

Eh, ok. Was posting off a phone and must have put this in the wrong section. Mods please feel free to move.

Thanks so much for your helpful contribution.

Neyite

Mod:

No harm done, I'll move it now.

January

Mine are 6, 5 and 3 and they are not allowed outside of the garden... my estate is quiet enough but I live on a bend in the road and the cars absolutely fly around it and I'd be terrified one of them would be knocked down, they know to stop look and listen (even the 3 year old) but you wouldn't even know the car was coming until it was on top of you.

The garden is small enough and I'm getting the same from the older two about their friends being allowed out on the road but I'm the mammy and I make the rules so either their friends can come into the garden to play or they can play with each other.

I know you have said you've no garden though...

I'd maybe let the 8 year old out for a little while. On the promise that they won't go near the road and will scoot or cycle up and down the path.

The_Honeybadger

January wrote: »

Mine are 6, 5 and 3 and they are not allowed outside of the garden... my estate is quiet enough but I live on a bend in the road and the cars absolutely fly around it and I'd be terrified one of them would be knocked down, they know to stop look and listen (even the 3 year old) but you wouldn't even know the car was coming until it was on top of you.

The garden is small enough and I'm getting the same from the older two about their friends being allowed out on the road but I'm the mammy and I make the rules so either their friends can come into the garden to play or they can play with each other.

I know you have said you've no garden though...

I'd maybe let the 8 year old out for a little while. On the promise that they won't go near the road and will scoot or cycle up and down the path.

Thanks, we have a big back garden but they get bored easily out there and want to be out the front on their bikes. Will have to keep the foot down I guess and keep spending supervised time with them outside.

We do give the 8 yo a bit of leeway but even that can difficult as they are all very close and the younger two feel very hard done by if one is allowed out and they aren't, especially when their mates of the same age are outside whizzing around on their bikes. They are not classmates and don't go to the same school but know each other well at this stage.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Your road sounds very busy, I too would be concerned about letting them out. You will just have to set aside time to go out and supervise them, tell them that they are allowed out from x time to x time every evening and that's it.
Bring yourself a chair outside and a cup of tea.

poconnor16

Firstly, well done on being safety conscious. I live in a similar area and have see way too many close calls with kids and cars. Fair play to you.
My little one is younger but same
Principal applies. Only allowed out when I am there to supervise. My rules.
My sister has kids your age and same situation. Not allowed out without her watching and if she is too busy, it's back garden or colouring books.
I think deck chair and cup of tea sounds lovely!!

Tombo2001

We live in a cul de sac. People who live there drive very carefully, its the people who drive in, realise they are going the wrong way, and then tear off that you have to worry about.

I would say in our area 80% of the kids at least play outside on the street/ green.

From about age 6 up they wouldn't be supervised. That would be the norm.

You are asking for advice. I would say, what are the options.

I see 3:
You keep them in
You go out with them
You let them out on their own.

Its really your choice; and what other parents think shouldn't really be relevant to you. Its your decision.

One point I would highlight is: You don't want to be the default minder for all the kids on the street because no other parent can bother their backsides going out. I think people really take advantage of that; "oh its ok, I can go make the dinner now because so-and-so is out there watching them". Make it absolutely clear you are minding your own kids an nobody elses, if you do go out with them.

The other issue of course is that if you bring 3 kids out of different ages; they will pal up with groups of different ages. They will scatter. You may not be able to watch all of them.

The_Honeybadger

Tombo2001 wrote: »

We live in a cul de sac. People who live there drive very carefully, its the people who drive in, realise they are going the wrong way, and then tear off that you have to worry about.

I would say in our area 80% of the kids at least play outside on the street/ green.

From about age 6 up they wouldn't be supervised. That would be the norm.

You are asking for advice. I would say, what are the options.

I see 3:
You keep them in
You go out with them
You let them out on their own.

Its really your choice; and what other parents think shouldn't really be relevant to you. Its your decision.

One point I would highlight is: You don't want to be the default minder for all the kids on the street because no other parent can bother their backsides going out. I think people really take advantage of that; "oh its ok, I can go make the dinner now because so-and-so is out there watching them". Make it absolutely clear you are minding your own kids an nobody elses, if you do go out with them.

The other issue of course is that if you bring 3 kids out of different ages; they will pal up with groups of different ages. They will scatter. You may not be able to watch all of them.

Thanks tombo, yes that is something I'm wary of, becoming an unpaid minder for everybody's kids, won't be an issue as there's no way I'd let it happen. To be honest most of the other parents just let their kids come and go with no supervision anyway so I'm not sure they particularly care if there is an adult there or not.

Was just hoping somebody might have some useful advice but it really does come down to three choices like you say. It's just becoming a real pain in the ass, and will only get worse I suspect. We have been considering a move for seperate reasons which might solve our problem in any case.

MouseTail

The 8 year old should certainly be able to play outside without supervision. In fact I would say its more damaging to leave them inside or isolated from their peers playing outside on the street/green, or only letting them play supervised. The 3 year old is too young to have road sense and I wouldn't let them out unsupervised.

harr

Kind of in the same boat, our little lad is 4 and wants to be out the whole time,we live in a small estate only 20 houses and 10 apartments .
Now he is good on the road and knows to be careful,but all the other kids do be in and out each other's houses as well as the rented apartments something I am not comfortable with my little lad doing.
A lot of the other children are younger than him and there patents give them the run of the estate ,only yesterday I had one mother knocking in to see if her 3 year old was in my house I asked when she seen him last she said it was about an hour ago....her response was that we will turn eventually .
I know children need time out with other children and to play and stuff but I am just not comfortable with him being out of eye shot.
It's very hard for him to see the other children out all hours and this makes me the bad one in his eyes.
It was 10.15 most nights last week before most of the neighbours took there children in...
Am I wrong not to let him out ,I do give him an hour where I sit out front and watch him but as I said the kids do be in and out of everyone's house and he gets upset when I say no...

foodaholic

I'm finding it hard at the moment too. My girl is only 3 and wants to be out playing with her friends. We put a bench in the front garden to watch over her. It's hard though especially if you have stuff to do in doors eg making dinner.

Most of the kids are a year or two older than her. They keep ringing the bell at 20.30 asking for her to come out to play - she's well in bed by this stage !!

yellowlabrador

Can parents get together and take turns at supervising? That's what used to happen here? We have a culdesac and one parent would stand at the end and keep an eye. I saw a great idea in Belgium. The council organises a different street to be closed off every week for the holidays. So all children in the neighbourhood have a safe place to play and each street takes it's turn.

coolbeans

l'd be lobbying the council to put in traffic calming measures on your street like a chicane and some speed bumps to make them slow down. Sitting in a deck chair with a cup of tea in hand won't make much of a difference if someone is in the wrong place @ the wrong time while a careless driver comes around the bend.

The_Honeybadger

coolbeans wrote: »

l'd be lobbying the council to put in traffic calming measures on your street like a chicane and some speed bumps to make them slow down. Sitting in a deck chair with a cup of tea in hand won't make much of a difference if someone is in the wrong place @ the wrong time while a careless driver comes around the bend.

Totally agree, it only takes a split second. You can however keep an eye on them and tell them when they are out of line or are doing something dangerous. It's better than not being out there.

Taking turns at watching them wouldn't work in my estate as the other parents don't see it as a problem as far as I can see. Most of them are Eastern European and we don't really mix with them very much either tbh. We have also had the late night knocks on the door from parents wondering if by any chance their child is there. I know you have to allow them a bit of freedom but that's just irresponsible in my view.

I have already asked the council about traffic calming and signage and am waiting for a response. The stretch where we live is at the entrance so all traffic both in and out passes our door so it's especially bad. It's much quieter / safer in other parts of the estate. Most people slow down to a sensible speed in fairness but you always get the odd one that won't.

hoodwinked

harr wrote: »

Kind of in the same boat, our little lad is 4 and wants to be out the whole time,we live in a small estate only 20 houses and 10 apartments .
Now he is good on the road and knows to be careful,but all the other kids do be in and out each other's houses as well as the rented apartments something I am not comfortable with my little lad doing.
A lot of the other children are younger than him and there patents give them the run of the estate ,only yesterday I had one mother knocking in to see if her 3 year old was in my house I asked when she seen him last she said it was about an hour ago....her response was that we will turn eventually .
I know children need time out with other children and to play and stuff but I am just not comfortable with him being out of eye shot.
It's very hard for him to see the other children out all hours and this makes me the bad one in his eyes.
It was 10.15 most nights last week before most of the neighbours took there children in...
Am I wrong not to let him out ,I do give him an hour where I sit out front and watch him but as I said the kids do be in and out of everyone's house and he gets upset when I say no...

we are in a similar boat, only recently another neighbour has her (we assume 4 year old, but could be 3), now minding his 2 year old sibling, only last week my husband spent an hour out in the green area's with our 5 year old (she's rarely outside here because she spends her outdoor hours at the beach/park/grandparents house) and these kids were with him the whole time despite the fact he is essentially a stranger to these kids, we live in a high density populated area, recently a convicted pedophile was found to be living here and they still send their children out for all hours unsupervised

Not to mention because they are all so young (under 8 at least although they occasionally hang out with a teenage group) they end up playing on the streets amongst the traffic rather than in the green area's provided for them, or they end up on the green area's across the road out of sight from where they all live (as god forbid they should annoy their own mammies ) where they cannot be seen (or heard).

it's so hard being the only parent who supervises your child, but at the end of the day you know your child is safe so i would advise you to keep doing it. our child is never put at risk like they do their's and that at the end of the day is your job as a parent.

the days of trusting the neighbours are long gone unless you are lucky to live in the few places where you CAN know all your neighbours, in these mega estates with apartments/duplex's that is not the case although a few people seem to want to believe it still is the case to absolve them the responsibility of raising their children.

Cakes and Ale

Maybe not possible where you are, but I've seen people put different things on the road to make cars stop or drive around them (wheely bins, cones, football nets) when kids are outside playing on the road. Thankfully am in the lucky situation of being towards the end of a cul-de-sac, and only one house hasn't kids. Even though it's easier to let them out (4, 5) I wouldn't let them out yet without sitting out and keeping an eye from the garden.