Life not going to plan

LegacyUser

I will try to keep this short and bullet points to make it easier to read.

-Suffer from Depression
-Just Finished College
-Very socially awkward
-Little experience with women
-Everyone in my group of mates recently got girlfriends
-I feel extremely lonely
-Feeling depressed and like there is no hope for me to become happy
-Can't cope reading about my mates experiences with gf
-No real ideas of what I want to do with my life.
-Feel like I've hit a dead end

manyoung

Hey. I'll try and address your points in a similar bullet point fashion as well.

- To start off, have you seen a doctor/therapist or have you considered a erapy called CBT? I would really recommend researching CBT. If money is an issue, there are loads of books on the therapy, but it does work. One more thing, get proper sleep and exercise.

- Personally, I haven't gotten to that stage yet, but I can imagine maybe you feel unsure where to go next perhaps? Have you considered a Postgrad. Heck, you probably have been working hard, why not just take a year out maybe.

- I'm the same.im very socially awkward around women especially. I probably talk more than I listen and when I talk to an attractive girl I just spew out random crap! The only thing I can say about this is to just keep trying. There's a great book called: How to win friends and influence people. It has helped a lot of people I have heard. Maybe take a couple of ideas at a time form the book or whatever source you choose and implement.

- Same for me as well. I simply can't read women. I thought a women was flirting with my at the start of the year, but was she or was she just being nice? I don't know. The only thing I can say to you is what I say to myself, just keep trying.

Oaky I'm going to combine your last points because I think they are similar in a way. First of all, please don't compare yourself to others, OP. That's easier said than done, but please don't. Okay, on Facebook, you might see your friends and their new girlfriends having a good time, but that is simply the highlight reels. You aren't defined by your relationship status either. I can imagine how you may feel lonely, but my advice right now to you is to focus on yourself..

Let me elaborate on that further. This is advice I got from Reddit, but in do believe nine logic behind it. I'm paraphrasing: You can't love anyone until you love yourself. I guess the idea behind it is that if you truly love yourself then that means you take care of yourself as if you were taking care of some else. Let me give you an example: I used to scold myself in my mind when I woke up late for college. But now I just try and forgive myself. I try to be kinder to myself in my mind. I'm also going to repeat my point about CBT and exercise and sleep. How's your diet as well?

I think the idea behind this is that lets say you start exercising and within weeks you start gaining muscle. This gives you confidence and you keep going. You start buying better clothes and receive compliments from people. You start smiling more naturally. Women take notice. That's my view of the idea anyway....

You have not hit a dead end and there is always hope, OP. Now I don't know if anything I have said has helped whatsoever, but I am going to keep talking...
What course did you do if you don't mind me asking? Did you like it? Also when you say reading about you mates experiences, I take it you meanin social media? Try and limit your usage. FB is great but it can be toxic.

I am going to mention something else and I understand if you reject it. It's a philosophy called Stoicism. The therapy CBT is based on it. The Stoics believed that no matter what happens in life, we can smile. They believed in not worrying about what you CANT control but worrying about what you CAN. Finally they also said that placing any happiness in anything external wouldn't bring us true happiness as external things can change. This means that true happiness comes from within.

Finally, I'm going to suggest some Reddit subreddits if your interrested:
Getdisciplined
Depression
Get motivated

Again, I don't know if any of that is of any help. I can definetly Identify with you on many of those points you mentioned. I guarantee you though, Mister, if you think you are socially awkward, you should see me!

Est28

Nobodies life goes exactly as planned.
We all dodge and weave and adapt.

If these are all issues for you, the answers won't magically appear on a message board.

You've done a good thing in listing out the things making you feel upset. Now the next part is to do a list under each one of those, what would help and how you can begin to make it happen.

di11on

manyoung wrote: »

- Same for me as well. I simply can't read women. I thought a women was flirting with my at the start of the year, but was she or was she just being nice? I don't know. The only thing I can say to you is what I say to myself, just keep trying.

As a friend of mine once said returning rather sheepishly from a failed chat-up attempt in a nightclub: "the more times you fail, the greater your chances of succeeding next time"... which is true mathematically speaking. It's certainly a better philosophy than Homer's "trying is the first step towards failure" :-)

Sunflower 27

Hi OP

Worrying about finding a bf/gf is a part of growing up for many, many young people. I know it is easy for me to say, but it will happen for you in time.

No shame in not having a partner when everyone else does. Some people have a lot of partners when they are young, others have one and that is it for life

Regards your career, I'd suggest seeing a career guidance counsellor. What are you good at? What do you enjoy?

I would not want to be your age again for the world. It really is a difficult time and it sounds as if you could really benefit from counselling. If money is a problem, I can thoroughly recommend low-cost counselling with PCI College - you can google them for details.

Having a gf is not going to suddenly turn your life around. You need to work on yourself before you embark on a healthy relationship.

Please don't feel disheartened; feeling lost at your age is a horrible feeling, but rest assured you are far from alone in feeling the way you do.

I was very socially awkward at your age - I could not even talk to a guy without going bright red! I can barely believe I was like that when I look at the person I am now.

You can change the way you interact with others and you can have the sort of life you want. It just takes patience and working on yourself.

A saying I love is 'Happiness is an inside job'. Work on that and let all the good things follow.

You can do this

LegacyUser

The norm nowadays is to be unhappy with ones life. *Partially*, it is a price we each pay for having comfortable material conditions from a young age and our minds then moving on to "higher-order" problems. Social media exacerbates this greatly. Technology like the internet facillitates teenagers growing up nowadays in remaining in their home, thus becoming and remaining socially awkward. Medication doesn't change the reality of the culture you live within and your personal life conditions which are making you depressed, so is of limited benefit in the long run, in my opinion and experience.

Psychologists will never know as much about your life history and inner thoughts as you do so are of limited help, far less help than people will have you believe. Counsellng for a brief period can be a useful one-off to get stuff out of your mind and experience some compassion from somebody for your anguish after having spent years upon years in a world where people are often cordial but distant and each pretending to each other they are doing fine but are falling apart on the inside. I had an extremely bad experience with a psychiatrist which utterly shattered me and sends me into deep bouts of depression and anger every so often. A counsellor was of some limited and temporary help though.

My advice is to use "notepad" on your laptop regularly to self-analyse your thoughts and try to "iron out" your malign thinking patterns over time. Lose weight if you have it to improve your appearance, although this is way, way harder since you are depressed compared to a non-depressed person. Mindlessly expose yourself to fears - "leave your body" and all else being equal you will reap rewards, fortune favors the brave and all that.

The very best of luck to you from another person walking around in a depressed stupor for the last 7 plus years.

FizzleSticks

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