On a break how long should I leave it

Confusedgirl89

So me and the significant other have decide to take a step back/break while we both but mainly him sort ourselves out.

He suffers from depression and is currently very low and wants to shut the world out. This is come as he is starting a new hugh pressure job along with other factors he faces in his life, he feels he needs a clear head and simplicity for a while.
I am also starting a new job in the next two weeks so I agreed to take a step back.
But im already hating it im keeping busy seeing friends but it doesn't take away from the fact he is always in the back of my mind, we talked everyday now its gone to nothing.
I dont know if i should leave him for a week or more and then make some contact or if I should wait for him, because it cant be a proper break if we are in contact all the time.

CaraMay

I wouldn't contact him at all. He needs the space so give it to him. It's hard but there is no point rushing it

catonthewire

Totaly agree with CaraMay,

It's obvious that your partner need a time and space to work through this low period in his life...
This certainly doesn't mean that you are not on his mind, but he obviously needs solitude and a chance to clear his head..


It's to your credit and a sign of your love for him that you agreed to let him have his space....
Depression is soul destroying for the suffer and their partners, so perhaps he also wants to spare you the heartache of seeing him so low...
Stay busy, see friends and stick to the no contact agreement until he is feeling stronger...

whiskeyman

How long have you been going out?
I've never agreed or gotten 'breaks' and really don't think they can work.
if life throws you challenges, surely you're best to face then as a team?
I don't know any married couples that took breaks, although I'm sure they wanted too!
It's a bad sign in my opinion.
I'd seriously question your future together and don't waste time on a break if life and perhaps the right partner for you passes you by.
life is to short.

Also, is he seeking help for his depression?

Tilly

A break is a long goodbye in my opinion. Adults should be able to get over their problems together and not apart. If not then they're not suitable for each other.

mg1982

I would say give him as much time and space he needs. Some people dont seem to realise how soul destroying depression can be and its not just one more of lifes challenges, its a lot more than that. Hopefully in time he will come out of it and be able to get his life back.

P. Breathnach

If he suffers from depression, then I don't think a break from your relationship is the right treatment. Ask him to seek professional help.

If he agrees to that, give him some space if his therapist recommends it.

If he doesn't get professional help, put him on notice that your continuing relationship might be at risk.

Penny Tration

mg1982 wrote: »

I would say give him as much time and space he needs. Some people dont seem to realise how soul destroying depression can be and its not just one more of lifes challenges, its a lot more than that. Hopefully in time he will come out of it and be able to get his life back.

Tbh, I disagree with giving him as much time and space as he wants.

I have mental health problems, and am in a very bad episode at the moment. And like the post I quoted said, it IS soul destroying. I'm going through the motions in work, then coming home and going to bed, where I lay awake thinking I'll never be happy again. I don't want to talk to people, family or friends.

However - I make an effort with my boyfriend. He knows I'm going through a bad patch, so doesn't expect me to be chirpy or happy. He does his best to make me smile though!

He should be making an effort. If not an effort to see you, an effort to go to a doctor and seek treatment. He wont get better on his own.

If he cannot or will not make an effort to communicate with you, you have to put yourself first.

It's all well and good supporting someone but NOT to the detriment of your own well being. YOU come first. You need to do what makes you happy.

Being with someone with mental health problems is hard. My boyfriend knew when getting together with me that I had problems with my health and he just learned as we went along. Luckily though, this is only the second bad period I've had, and I'm normally an extremely happy person.

I can only imagine how difficult it is for you, op, if this is a semi-regular occurence.

The best advice I can give you is - put your own emotional well-being first. Do not sacrifice it just because you love someone.

catonthewire

Tilly wrote: »

A break is a long goodbye in my opinion. Adults should be able to get over their problems together and not apart. If not then they're not suitable for each other.

If this was a problem within their relationship, we would all be suggesting a break with no contact.
However it's not and the OP has agreed to give the man space, many people with depression find the burden more difficult if they feel their partner is under duress to cope with the situation...
He simply needs time to sort himself out...

Tilly

catonthewire wrote: »

If this was a problem within their relationship, we would all be suggesting a break with no contact.
However it's not and the OP has agreed to give the man space, many people with depression find the burden more difficult if they feel their partner is under duress to cope with the situation...
He simply needs time to sort himself out...

He has made it a problem within their relationship by asking for a break. I'm well versed on loved ones who deal with depression.

mg1982

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Tbh, I disagree with giving him as much time and space as he wants.

I have mental health problems, and am in a very bad episode at the moment. And like the post I quoted said, it IS soul destroying. I'm going through the motions in work, then coming home and going to bed, where I lay awake thinking I'll never be happy again. I don't want to talk to people, family or friends.

However - I make an effort with my boyfriend. He knows I'm going through a bad patch, so doesn't expect me to be chirpy or happy. He does his best to make me smile though!

He should be making an effort. If not an effort to see you, an effort to go to a doctor and seek treatment. He wont get better on his own.

If he cannot or will not make an effort to communicate with you, you have to put yourself first.

It's all well and good supporting someone but NOT to the detriment of your own well being. YOU come first. You need to do what makes you happy.

Being with someone with mental health problems is hard. My boyfriend knew when getting together with me that I had problems with my health and he just learned as we went along. Luckily though, this is only the second bad period I've had, and I'm normally an extremely happy person.

I can only imagine how difficult it is for you, op, if this is a semi-regular occurence.

The best advice I can give you is - put your own emotional well-being first. Do not sacrifice it just because you love someone.

I suffer with MH problems too and if im having a bad episode i want to be left alone and not want anyone around me. But i guess we are all different.

Hope you come out of your bad spell soon jenny.

shalalala

I would give him space but only for so long that you are happy with and no one can answer that for you. It would be unreasonable to expect you to put the relationship on hold for him to sort his head out in detriment to your happiness.