Need advice on how to help my brother

LegacyUser

I need some help on how to help my brother. Since first going to college about for years ago, my brother has completely cut himself off from the world. His life consists of playing video games in his room for 14-15 hours a day.

He no longer has any friends, he has now dropped out of college after failing first year four times. For the past month, he's been planning on moving abroad, only for him to keep cancelling at the last minute. Does anybody at all have any advice as to how we could help him?

Minera

Try cutting all funds off something about not having money tends to motivate people, he's not ready for further education yet so ask your family to stop bank rolling his xbox habit.

Xterminator

its his life and he is old enough to take responsibility, so you cant make him change.

so what you can do is stop enabling his behavior. dont cook, clean and fund this lifestyle.

honestly if an intervention is needed, perhaps your parents can call a meeting and discuss your concerns.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice, but the funding isn't an issue as it's some sort of free online PC game. Regarding an intervention, we've tried one before to no avail. We've also cut the internet off in the house before, but my parents eventually gave him into him, after he told them he felt his life is worthless without it.

Drumpot

You could try discussing this with aware? (It may very much like behaviour of a depressed person with low self esteem). Perhaps discuss his symptoms that concern you and see if they can give you advice on how to approach the topic.

Apathy and laziness in some people can suggest an underlying issue that will not necessarily be resolved with cutting them off financiall or kicking them up the arse! If anything this may push your brother further down a negative path.

Maybe he needs a hug or just confirmed support from his family in a controlled manner? That's why I think getting some sort of professional advice can help you approach him in a manner that won't make things worse!

Sligo1

He needs to get a girlfriend!!!

My husband was exactly the same when I met him. World of Warcraft and heros of new Earth and on the dole for 15 hours per day! That soon stopped after we met, he got a great job (he's very bright and had a great degree tho), and he's barely ever on the computer now.

I'll try and get him to post here later... He had a serious addiction.

The Darkroom

helping someone boot a habit can be difficult. it always depends upon the habit but its best not to cut it off straight away. try and get him to cut down computer time to 2 hours a day. but you see its better if you trick him and find something for him to do like martial arts or some sort of fitness class. fill his day with so much exercise and fun craic at the pub with his mates. people who are stuck on a computer all day end up with anxiety and panic and depression thats what happened me years ago.

Stavro Mueller

13504a wrote: »

Regarding an intervention, we've tried one before to no avail. We've also cut the internet off in the house before, but my parents eventually gave him into him, after he told them he felt his life is worthless without it.

Did your parents seek outside help when they staged the intervention? I think another one needs to happen but this time with advice from a GP or possibly a mental health professional. I think before anyone does anything, it'd help to maybe go for counselling or advice. While your brother clearly has issues, your parents and possibly the rest of you are part of the problem as well. In order for him to live the life he has been living, someone has been enabling him.

aidanki

The Darkroom wrote: »

helping someone boot a habit can be difficult. it always depends upon the habit but its best not to cut it off straight away. try and get him to cut down computer time to 2 hours a day. but you see its better if you trick him and find something for him to do like martial arts or some sort of fitness class. fill his day with so much exercise and fun craic at the pub with his mates. people who are stuck on a computer all day end up with anxiety and panic and depression thats what happened me years ago.

how did you change yourself if you don't mind me asking ?

di11on

This guy is in a serious rut and you are right to be concerned. He is lucky to have people like you looking out for him.

He's in a destructive cycle at the moment that will only go downwards. Video games are a great way to escape any and all responsibilities. He needs to get out.

Some things, off the top of my head that might help take him out of this rut:

The internet could be rationed. If you don't have the IT skills to set this up on a router, just unplug the cord or take the router with you to work!

In conjunction with the above - get him out of the house. Suggest a walk or a hike. I've found that walking is a great way to get things off your chest - to talk and to put your thoughts in order.

Encourage him to get some sort of life-plan together. Either look at completing college, doing a different course, getting a trade or get a job.

He needs to literally get a life and getting him off the PC is the first key step.

TG1

My little brother went through something similar, dropped out of a course, didn't know what to do and fell into a rut.

My mother was amazing, she took him on as a project, and started to insist he did little things like walk the dog or Hoover the house every day. She offered to pay a gym membership so he'd have somewhere to go.

she increased the chores she asked him to do over a few months until he was spending at least three hours off line. We all chipped in and asked him to our flats/houses for weekends and dreamt up things to do. Sometimes he took us up on the invites and sometimes he didn't. it took about a year, but he gradually improved to the point where we could approach the subject of his future just from making sure he left the house, such a little thing. We then offered him suport and advice, and tried to get him to see a gp. This didn't work but thanks to my mother he was in a positive enough frame of mind to consider options for the future.

It took a couple of years and infinite patience on the part of my amazing mother but he is now working and living away from home. Despite him never having seen a gp we would all say he was depressed during all this as he was so volatile, and really really didn't seem to see a way out of his situation.

my mom's insistance that he do little things around the house and develop an outside interest were key I think, so no matter how small you think something you are doing is, getting your brother out will do wonders. I'm not saying it will sort everything immediately but just getting him to develop an outside interest or hobby might just shift the balance in your favour a little and get him to a stage where it's easier to broach the tricky stuff. It really is so hard when you are worrying about a family memeber like that, I hope it works out for you all.