Difficult girlfriend

505down

I met my girlfriend three years ago.

Two years ago it got more serious and about a year later I moved for work and to be closer to her. Since I have seen her more and obviously gotten closer, she has revealed secrets (some lead onto far flung stories) regarding her family life.

While I have no problem with her or the secrets, it makes me wonder, is there anything else. Recently, we have been at eachothers throats every second day or so.

She also claims my family hate her despite hiding in my room when visiting.

I am at breaking point as in my new town I know virtually nobody but feel I would be happier instead of taking away snippets of information from somebody who once told me we'd never have a future because I visited my friend and didn't tell her.

While she does everything for me and spoils me I have to not let that mask what else is going on.

My head is melted, I can't concentrate in anything I do.

Thoughts, please.

dee_mc

She sounds very insecure.
You don't trust her. What is it that you suspect she might be hiding from you?

Stavro Mueller

It's easy for me to type the words here but my advice to you would be to run for the hills. They say if you want to know someone, go live with them. You don't know everything about your girlfriend but there are plenty of warning signs.

The drip feeding of secrets could be interpreted as a way of controlling things. The other way of looking at it is that she's so emotionally stunted that she's incapable of opening up fully. After reading your post, I'm going for the controlling option.

Hiding in your room when your family visit is NOT normal. This is something that will lead to problems down the line should you have kids. If she has no interest in forming any sort of relationship with your family, do you think she'll let them come visit or have anything to do with any children you might have? Don't be surprised either if she starts throwing her toys out of the pram if you want to go visit them.

She seems to be succeeding at isolating you in you new town. That comment about you never having a future because you visited your friend without telling her is a warning sign you should heed. What a dramatic over-reaction that was.

Basically you've fallen for an emotionally manipulative woman who's bad news. It doesn't matter if she does nice things for you and spoils you in other ways. The not so good side of this relationship is what you need to be looking at. If you stay with her you're facing into a lifetime of drip-feeding of secrets (which might not even be true) and you being afraid to do anything for fear of annoying her again. Run to the hills and don't look back.

Adersd

A relationship should be sth where people feel right and happy, not the opposite.

LegacyUser

505down wrote: »

She also claims my family hate her despite hiding in my room when visiting.

I am at breaking point as in my new town I know virtually nobody but feel I would be happier instead of taking away snippets of information from somebody who once told me we'd never have a future because I visited my friend and didn't tell her. .

Are you guys living together? She sounds a bit unhinged and EXTREMELY insecure. Hiding in the room when your family visit? Why does she not like your family?

Its one thing being in a relationship but if you are spending every waking moment with each other when you are not work, that will become very claustrophobic.

Does she have any friends there? When you go out together do you and her socialisewith other people or just the two of yous? Re hobbies/interests do you guys have any interests that you could do separately ? or do you do everything together ? You need to get out and do stuff, meet new people otherwise you will end up hate living in that town. If thats going to be a problem for her then you maybe you need to have a good think about the relationship in general.

identer

She can not change overnight, so your head will remain melted for quite sometime. OR you could just take a break till you are emotionally ready for her.

Rakish Paddy

I had one of those nasty manipulators a few years back, albeit mine was probably a more severe case unless you are understating things. It ended up being absolute hell on earth for a while.

I am now in a long term happy, loving relationship with a sane person. She gets on with my family, I get on with hers. We trust each other, we each still lead our own lives. Neither of us manipulates the other.

My advice would be to get out of this relationship ASAP, learn from it, and steer well clear of manipulative women in the future once the signs become obvious.

LegacyUser

My advice is to end things with her. She is a manipulator. She does not want you to make new friends and possibly not keep in contact with old friends. She lies to you about her family. When your family call over she won't meet them but then complains they don't like her.
The reality is that if your in a relationship you have to make the effort with your partners family and family members even if you not mad on them as people.

This woman wants every thing her own way and wants you to spend as much time with her as possible. This is not a healthy relationship and over time it will get worse unless things are always going her way.

The reality is that any couples I know that are married or in a long relationship have there own friends and interests. As a couple they spend time away from each other but come back to each other to tell the other person who they met, what they did ect.
Another thing to consider is that relationships can and do brake down so it is important to have friends there if you hit a bad patch, need help or even to a have laugh with.

I know it is not easy to end a relationship or to be on your own but a relationship should enrich your life not make things harder.

Rakish Paddy

lady lady wrote: »

The reality is that any couples I know that are married or in a long relationship have there own friends and interests. As a couple they spend time away from each other but come back to each other to tell the other person who they met, what they did ect.

To me at least, that's really important - I couldn't imagine not still having 'my own' life while in a relationship. Now, obviously I can't just take the mickey and stay out all night all the time or have everything my way, but I've had one or two girlfriends in the past who made valiant attempts to get me to give up key parts of my own life, and that was the beginning of the end for the relationship.

lady lady wrote: »

Another thing to consider is that relationships can and do brake down so it is important to have friends there if you hit a bad patch, need help or even to a have laugh with.

That's a good point - some manipulators do try to isolate you from your friends (speaking from experience). If things really go bad, and they can go *really* bad, you'll be needing them!