All of my 'close' friendships feel very one-sided

LegacyUser

Hey everyone, title probably sounds a shade overdramatic but it's more or less true! Pretty standard situation: small but (would have said) closeknit group of friends, all f us mid-20s, all living in the same city but each doing our own thing with work, etc. Now, when we do meet up (group or one-on-one), we get on great and I guess I'm not questioning that - it's more the times in between when texts often go unanswered, sometimes weeks can pass without any significant contact, and so on. I just feel like, in each case, I do all the running and it's clear they just aren't willing to put in the same level of 'effort' as I do. I know the obvious advice is to just 'get new ones', but like I say, these are the people I would consider my closest friends and I don't want to 'ditch' them if this is just me being extra-sensitive. Just looking for general opinions really?

retro:electro

To be honest that's kind of what happens as you get a bit older. I'm mid 20s myself and the dynamic between my friends and I now compared to when I was 19/20 is completely different, we are all doing our own thing. I still think of them as my closest friends but wouldn't see them as often, maybe every 3 weeks we would have a meet up. Texts wouldnt be exchanged as frequently either but that's grand, I know they're doing their thing. I suppose its just what happens when people get out into the real world. Are any of you in relationships? They're not treating you badly or being unkind when you do see them, so I don't know why you think you need to dump them?...

Stavro Mueller

Ditching them would be a bit drastic but maybe it's time to do a little bit of reassessing and expand your social circle. My guess is that it's a mixture of what Anna above me has outlined and a difference in perception. You see these friends as being your closest pals and ones who are important to you. They still like you but you're a friend rather than a close friend? Chances are they've formed new friendships of their own along the way - possibly these newer friends are the ones they feel closer to now?

She is right about one thing though - once people are your age the nature of friendship has changed anyway. You go from living in each other's pockets and seeing each other every day (especially if you met in school/college) to less frequent contact. It's what happens. That's not to say you're not right in your assessment - if you feel something is wrong then maybe there is. Maybe you could look into joining a club/doing something that involves meeting new people and ask some of your friends to come along? It might shake things up and be fun for you all?

BettePorter

I actually used to be guilty of this. Not being great at keeping in touch week to week and suddenly its months since you ve been in touch then you arrange a night out, swear you ll text them next week and the same just happens again.

My solution to this was to create a group ( text, whatsapp, messenger or same). Tbh its the best thing we ever did because the group aspect of it means you don't have to be so on point as you do with one to one contact.

You don't have to 'end' the convo by making plans or tying yourself down to meeting up. You can just delve in and out keep the chat open amongst you all. One day everyone comments ... somedays only a couple. And that's ok. In our case we always have something in the pipeline to go to in the upcoming months like a show or a hen or whatever event and so we change the group title accordingly to reference that.

Everyone has busy lives, so of course its obvious that one on one contact can sometime seem like a chore. ( hi how are you. I'm fine. What you doing. Any plans blah blah blah) whereas this way you can just delve in and out commenting on random stuff and it remains constantly open.
Best thing ever in my opinion.