"Dad Bod" internet fad, claims of sexism, the real world

H3llR4iser

So, I just randomly stumbled in the concept of "dad bod"; Essentially some college student somewhere in the US posted something about how she finds guys with a bit of flab and a "beer gut", sexier than the ripped-to-shred models. It quickly snowballed and became an internet phenomenon.

There is now talk of "dad bod" left right and centre and, needless to say, the thing attracted harsh criticism as well. Just one example from the Times:

http://time.com/3846828/dad-bod-is-a-sexist-atrocity/

The whole idea that women might find a more "normal" guy attractive has given the raise to accusation of sexism and promoting an unhealthy life style.

This gets very interesting when we consider the constant, continuous trumpeting about how "curvy" women are sexier than models, how ladies should be ok with how they look and how men shouldn't dare saying they prefer leaner looks. Quite often, the "poster women" for these campaigns are actually much bigger than the average woman you see walking down the street in most western countries, veering well into obesity territory.

Yet, nobody ever accused such campaigns of "promoting an unhealthy lifestyle".

Another big theme is the supposed "double standards" that exist, where women are supposed to keep in shape and men can go Homer Simpson.

What I find quite funny is that, in my personal experience, the real world outside of Hollywood doesn't quite work like that. There are different kind of pressures going on, and the situation can and often does swap around completely...

Pat Mustard

I doubt that the 'Dad bod' is a phenomenon at all. I wonder if it's just some sort of acceptance of a burgeoning obesity problem. Some journalists say that women are more attracted to chubby blokes now but here's a big difference between attraction and acceptance.

My guess is that it should be taken with a pinch of salt. Maybe it's just case of paper not refusing ink for some uninspired journalists.

ancapailldorcha

I've seen the term crop up on a few men's groups I follow on Facebook. To be honest, any sort of trend which bucks this "Do you even lift, brah?" nonsense is more than welcome in my book.

tritium

Amazes me how there's always some whining journo in touch with their feminine side to make sure we understand how anything to do with men is clearly sexist...

syklops

There is now talk of "dad bod" left right and centre and

Not in my corner of the internet there isn't.

Wibbs

Pat Mustard wrote: »

I wonder if it's just some sort of acceptance of a burgeoning obesity problem.

This and considering this is no doubt a US centred meme… (I dunno TBH I hadn't heard of it before this thread).

Maybe it's just case of paper not refusing ink for some uninspired journalists.

So much this PM.

tritium wrote: »

Amazes me how there's always some whining journo in touch with their feminine side to make sure we understand how anything to do with men is clearly sexist...

Oh there are certainly the male version of Jezebel writers running around alright. Not happy if they're not being regarded as "special snowflakes", if they perceive to be held in anything but that regard, they're being "oppressed". IMHO anyone using the word "atrocity" in a headline about this meme is a thundering gobshíte and sap.

H3llR4iser wrote: »

This gets very interesting when we consider the constant, continuous trumpeting about how "curvy" women are sexier than models, how ladies should be ok with how they look and how men shouldn't dare saying they prefer leaner looks. Quite often, the "poster women" for these campaigns are actually much bigger than the average woman you see walking down the street in most western countries, veering well into obesity territory.

Again extremely noticeable with some among the US citizenry. Ex "social studies" with a "journalism" minor, or the feverish bloggist type. Among that demographic in the US svelte appears to be a rarity compared to the general population.

That said I have noticed down the years that quite the number of ladies aren't so pushed on the "buff" guy in real life. OK the skinny guy(of which I'm a paid up member) most definitely has more leeway than the obese guy alright, but the slightly more padded, heavier built guy(old style rugby player type, not the juiced up types of today) is the more favoured. Old stylee feelings of protection going on? I have noticed in some cases it can be something to do with the woman's self perception of their own "size" going on. As a man you don't want to be lighter as a very general rule, if the lady in question feels she is struggling with her weight. For some, if their boyfriend is built like a stripped down racing snake with muscles and fit as a butchers dog that can make them feel more self conscious. I've seen two relationships that went south when the bloke went on a major fitness buzz and slimmed down/buffed up and their partners didn't. I've had two early stage things go south when the comment was made that I didn't eat as much as they did on dinner dates. I kid thee not(and for the record neither were exactly obese) To be fair they were a bit loopy as I found out later, but for them it was an admitted thing.

What I find quite funny is that, in my personal experience, the real world outside of Hollywood doesn't quite work like that. There are different kind of pressures going on, and the situation can and often does swap around completely...

Yep, I'd agree with you. Though you do hear more men patting their beer gut and being vocally and socially proud of it, but it has always been my take that this is a defensive thing. Get the insult in yourself, before anyone else does.

smash

I'm just happy I don't have to renew my gym membership, which I don't use anyway.

Potatoeman

Isn't this still called chubby chasing?

blinding

Fat people are warmer in bed.

Just saying and important in Ireland.

A tangible benefit from the extra cost of food consumed.

If you are cold in winter and want to keep energy bills down sleep with a fat person. get them to pay for their own food though.

Havn't wandered off topic have I ?

Potatoeman

blinding wrote: »

Fat people are warmer in bed.

Just saying and important in Ireland.

A tangible benefit from the extra cost of food consumed.

If you are cold in winter and want to keep energy bills down sleep with a fat person. get them to pay for their own food though.

Havn't wandered off topic have I ?

Wandered no, wobbled yes.

Pat Mustard

Mod:
Can we all please move back on topic, thank you.

strobe

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Quite often, the "poster women" for these campaigns are actually much bigger than the average woman you see walking down the street in most western countries, veering well into obesity territory.

Yet, nobody ever accused such campaigns of "promoting an unhealthy lifestyle".

Happens all the time.

MightyMandarin

I don't think it's as bad as the 'fat acceptance' movement, but to suggest for one second that a lot of women find fat guys more attractive than athletic guys is ridiculous. It's human nature to be attracted to aesthetically pleasing things, and a pot belly is just not as aesthetic as a six pack.

H3llR4iser

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Yet, nobody ever accused such campaigns of "promoting an unhealthy lifestyle".

I see that exact thing happen all the time .

Regarding 'dad bod' (what offputting terminology), I personally like a sturdier physique than the current male ideal. Not Johnny Vegas territory, more Seth Rogan territory. Tall and chunky would be my preference, although I'm extremely petite (sub 5ft) and slightly built myself.

I'm in a minority among my friends - not an insubstantial minority - although far from a mainstream 'thing'.

mzungu

Wibbs wrote: »

This and considering this is no doubt a US centred meme… (I dunno TBH I hadn't heard of it before this thread).

So much this PM.

Oh there are certainly the male version of Jezebel writers running around alright. Not happy if they're not being regarded as "special snowflakes", if they perceive to be held in anything but that regard, they're being "oppressed". IMHO anyone using the word "atrocity" in a headline about this meme is a thundering gobshíte and sap.

Again extremely noticeable with some among the US citizenry. Ex "social studies" with a "journalism" minor, or the feverish bloggist type. Among that demographic in the US svelte appears to be a rarity compared to the general population.

That said I have noticed down the years that quite the number of ladies aren't so pushed on the "buff" guy in real life. OK the skinny guy(of which I'm a paid up member) most definitely has more leeway than the obese guy alright, but the slightly more padded, heavier built guy(old style rugby player type, not the juiced up types of today) is the more favoured. Old stylee feelings of protection going on? I have noticed in some cases it can be something to do with the woman's self perception of their own "size" going on. As a man you don't want to be lighter as a very general rule, if the lady in question feels she is struggling with her weight. For some, if their boyfriend is built like a stripped down racing snake with muscles and fit as a butchers dog that can make them feel more self conscious. I've seen two relationships that went south when the bloke went on a major fitness buzz and slimmed down/buffed up and their partners didn't. I've had two early stage things go south when the comment was made that I didn't eat as much as they did on dinner dates. I kid thee not(and for the record neither were exactly obese) To be fair they were a bit loopy as I found out later, but for them it was an admitted thing.

Yep, I'd agree with you. Though you do hear more men patting their beer gut and being vocally and socially proud of it, but it has always been my take that this is a defensive thing. Get the insult in yourself, before anyone else does.

This plus 100. I've always found that to be more a pre emptive measure on the part of the person.

Regarding this 'Dad Bod' fad, it made its way into the Irish Times opinion columns today, but before that I hadn't heard of it.

zeffabelli

Isn't this more about middle age than gender....like mom jeans... that they have to slap labels in referencing parenting just indicates how unerotic the suburban volvo stationwagon lifestyle is....and your body now is an articulation of those choices.

The default for parenting is NOT SEXY....that's why you have to have particularised labels like MILF and now DAD BOD.

Greenmachine

Came across an article on this on the BBC. Is it the body or the personality that people actually prefer. For someone that is more focused on their body, they will spend more time going to the gym and watching what they eat etc. Even if they are not lecturing their partners on their diet, people may find themselves having to challenge their own attitudes to their diet and their lifestyle, simply by spending time with someone who takes care of themselves. In some case might it be that people prefer to remain in ignorance and avoid any situations that might challenge their attitudes to their health.
What could be safer than going out with someone who you can share a pint of Ben and Jerry after you have each had your own 12 inch pizza before heading on the piss.

Ugh, why does everything have to be a "thing"?

ancapailldorcha

Greenmachine wrote: »

Came across an article on this on the BBC. Is it the body or the personality that people actually prefer. For someone that is more focused on their body, they will spend more time going to the gym and watching what they eat etc. Even if they are not lecturing their partners on their diet, people may find themselves having to challenge their own attitudes to their diet and their lifestyle, simply by spending time with someone who takes care of themselves. In some case might it be that people prefer to remain in ignorance and avoid any situations that might challenge their attitudes to their health.
What could be safer than going out with someone who you can share a pint of Ben and Jerry after you have each had your own 12 inch pizza before heading on the piss.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-32830880

The gym isn't a prerequisite for being healthy I would have thought. I barely drink, keep snacking to a minimum and go on long walks every so often so I'd like to think that I'm fairly healthy. I don't see this so much as celebrating obesity as an appreciation of the idea that one doesn't have to be ripped or athletic to be considered sexually attractive.

Call Me Jimmy

zeffabelli wrote: »

Isn't this more about middle age than gender....like mom jeans... that they have to slap labels in referencing parenting just indicates how unerotic the suburban volvo stationwagon lifestyle is ....and your body now is an articulation of those choices.

The default for parenting is NOT SEXY....that's why you have to have particularised labels like MILF and now DAD BOD.

brilliant, bang on!

Greenmachine

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-32830880

The gym isn't a prerequisite for being healthy I would have thought. I barely drink, keep snacking to a minimum and go on long walks every so often so I'd like to think that I'm fairly healthy. I don't see this so much as celebrating obesity as an appreciation of the idea that one doesn't have to be ripped or athletic to be considered sexually attractive.

The gym example was to illustrate the two different body types that have been explored by this topic. It was not to suggest that the only way to be healthy was to go to the gym, or that everyone who went to the gym was even healthy. Article is after all about dad bods, not what it means to be healthy.

jackofalltrades

I'd say it's only a matter of time now before we start getting "Real women like curves" ads.

SkipPeanut

H3llR4iser wrote: »

This gets very interesting when we consider the constant, continuous trumpeting about how "curvy" women are sexier than models, how ladies should be ok with how they look and how men shouldn't dare saying they prefer leaner looks. Quite often, the "poster women" for these campaigns are actually much bigger than the average woman you see walking down the street in most western countries, veering well into obesity territory.

Yet, nobody ever accused such campaigns of "promoting an unhealthy lifestyle".

Sorry but this is absolute rubbish... The whole curvy women are real women thing often gets lambasted and said ''poster women'' are routinely abused, and most definitely are often accused of promoting an un healthy lifestyle.

Google ''Tess Munster" (a plus-size model) who tries to promote acceptance with her body (not claiming that is is healthy or mandating that men should be attracted to it either) and see the abuse she gets for daring to be a happy over-weight woman,

For what its worth, i've no problem with the whole dad bod thing if it makes people feel better about themselves.

Wibbs

SkipPeanut wrote: »

For what its worth, i've no problem with the whole dad bod thing if it makes people feel better about themselves.

God forbid a culture should admire and want to emulate an ideal. Personal feelz seems to be the order of the day of late, sod the wider culture, even individual and societal health. Should we as a culture shame and bully fat people? Hell no, that's out of order, but so IMH is attempting to promote it.

SkipPeanut

Wibbs wrote: »

God forbid a culture should admire and want to emulate an ideal. Personal feelz seems to be the order of the day of late, sod the wider culture, even individual and societal health. Should we as a culture shame and bully fat people? Hell no, that's out of order, but so IMH is attempting to promote it.

I'm not really seeing the connection between my post and this, especially the bit you quoted. I said the dad bod thing is grand if it makes people with less than perfect bodies feel better about themselves. Is there something wrong with that? I don't think we have to worry about our culture not emulating the ideal body anytime soon.
I don't agree with 'promoting' an unhealthy weight either- all I said is that it is rubbish to claim that women such as Tess Munster are not lambasted for daring to say to anything other than they hate their bodies because they are overweight. Is it really promoting obesity to say that actually although your body, male or female, may not be perfect you don't have to loathe yourself?

I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging personal feelings AND acknowledging that individual and societal health can be negatively effected by obesity. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

MightyMandarin

SkipPeanut wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with acknowledging personal feelings AND acknowledging that individual and societal health can be negatively effected by obesity. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

Actually it does. You're either happy with something or you're not. If people are happy with a 'dad bod', then they are happy with leading an unhealthy lifestyle.

Obviously most people don't represent the ideal physique, but it should always be a goal to aspire to, it's just that most are too lazy to do what it takes to get there. I've nothing against fat people, but to make their physiques something people aspire to is wrong imo.