dont know what i did wrong

silverbolt

ok so myself and my partner split up last week,

We'd been together nearly two years. I ended it two months ago, but we talked and decided to give it a second try but she called it off last week pretty much outta the blue. The breakup was amicable in its own way and the reasons were sound.

I got a tax rebate back there not a huge amount but enough for me to plan a holiday in November. Because we were still talking i told her and she hit the roof.

We had mentioned going away together but certainly no solid plans were ever made. She started talking about how it had just ended and BAM im going on holiday, how im rubbing it her face and how i hope im happy with myself and happy single life.

I didnt book a holiday to spite her, i booked a holiday to well enjoy a holiday.

So what did i do wrong?

kylith

You didn't do anything wrong.

She just, imo, wants to think of you sitting at home wallowing in sadness because she left you whereas you are planning holidays and getting on with your life.

Why are telling her your business anyway?

silverbolt

kylith wrote: »

You didn't do anything wrong.

She just, imo, wants to think of you sitting at home wallowing in sadness because she left you whereas you are planning holidays and getting on with your life.

Why are telling her your business anyway?

Well were still talking and still friends, so i saw no reason not to tell her.

I didnt expect her to react like this

pookie82

In the grand scheme of things, if she's still raw and hurting, take it from me, she's NOT going to want to hear about your holiday plans. Plan away, but don't share with her.

I know she broke it off this time, but you did first, and therefore "started it". Maybe she never fully regained her trust in you and felt she had no choice but to end it the second time.

She doesn't want to hear about how your life is moving on without her a week later. Use some tact.

You're clearly on completely different pages in terms of the hurt (as this instance shows), so do yourselves a favour and cut contact for a while altogether. You can't just fall into "friendship" a week later.

LegacyUser

Op you guys are never going to get over each other by being "friends" it just doesn't work.
Why did you end in the first instance and why did you both try and give it another go?

If you don't want to be with each other and you can't see any future cut all contact with her, delete off facebook. At the moment keeping in contact and staying friends is just going to be head wrecking.

silverbolt

Tabs101 wrote: »

Op you guys are never going to get over each other by being "friends" it just doesn't work.
Why did you end in the first instance and why did you both try and give it another go?

If you don't want to be with each other and you can't see any future cut all contact with her, delete off facebook. At the moment keeping in contact and staying friends is just going to be head wrecking.

There a lot of reasons tbh, there were a lot of fights and issues surrounding it. I called it off the first time because of this and because i couldnt cope - felt like i was being pulled in all directions (not just with her though) and just desperately wanted my own space.

We tried again on a much less intense level, but old issues resurfaced and she decided it was better to call time on it. I agreed.

kittycati

As much as everyone would like to, nearly all of the time,can't be friends with an ex and there is no point staying in contact as ye have proved.. Arguing over a holiday?? Fresh start and all that is the only choice.. Obviously she never trusted you if going on holiday is causing her upset thinking you had it all planned in advance.. Obviously the girl is hurting and I'm sure you are too.. Give it space.. May not feel it now but time heals... Eventually...

Taboola

I would echo what everyone else has said here. If she's 'fighting' with you I don't think you should be friends right now. Maybe in the future when things have died down.

You shouldn't feel guilty about going on a holiday either. Go and enjoy yourself.

silverfeather

You did nothing wrong she is the one with the issues. Enjoy your holiday.

Stavro Mueller

Where you went wrong was by deluding yourself into thinking you and her could be friends. Especially so soon after this break-up. You weakened the relationship in the first place by breaking it off two months ago. Even though you decided to give it another go, I'm pretty sure she never felt as happy or secure in it afterwards? It would not surprise me if she put a brave face on things while inside she was dying. Maybe she wanted the relationship to continue but she knew it was broken.

Any time any relationship ends and someone asks about it here, the standard answer is "cut contact." It's for a very good reason. If you break up with someone you loved, it's going to take time to come to terms with. Staying "friends" with the person you still have feelings for never ends well. A friendship is only possible when you can ask the question "If Jim/Mary meets someone else, will it bother me?" and the answer is No. Keeping in contact with an ex also means that they may still be filling the "boyfriend/girlfriend" shaped hole in your life. The heart can be deceptive and trick you.

For both your sakes you should cut contact for now. No calls/texts/Facebook. Maybe down the line you can become friends again but there has to be some water under the bridge before this.