The al-Qaeda job application form

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-32816248
Fed up with your current job? Feel you're not properly challenged? Bored of the 9-5 routine? Al-Qaeda has a job application for you.
Admittedly you will have to fill in a rigorous application form that looks like it has been written by someone who has spent too long working for Deloitte or Accenture, but bureaucracy exists in every walk of life - so why not on the path to violent jihad?
Among the cornucopia of material found at Osama Bin Laden's compound in Abbottabad declassified on Wednesday is this priceless document - a job application form for becoming a member of al-Qaeda.

This is a translated copy of the form.
http://www.odni.gov/files/documents/ubl/english/Instructions%20to%20Applicants.pdf
Does this mean that the radicals who do random attacks are getting work experience or what, before officially applying to be an employed radical.

silverfeather

good lord!

The Backwards Man

Lot of what does your daddy and your grandaddy do.

If you swap the words 'jihadi theatre' for 'Irish media' then that could be a job application form for RTE :pac:

darkpagandeath

Why don't the just use Jobbridge.

Fleawuss

In the name of Allah the compassionate...join Al quaeda. Without missing a beat. I am sick of all the gods.

Ruu

Hobbies or pastimes, hah!

Arsemageddon

At least they don't ask potential applicants are they willing to be a Job Bridge slave.

Chucken

Do you wish to execute a suicide operation?


Do you have any chronic or hereditary disease(s)?

Would you have to be healthy to do an aul suicide mission?

Chucken

Chucken wrote: »

Do you wish to execute a suicide operation?


Do you have any chronic or hereditary disease(s)?

Would you have to be healthy to do an aul suicide mission?

If they do the job, they'll be cured, but in bits!

Chucken

Deleted User wrote: »

If they do the job, they'll be cured, but in bits!

Wouldn't that be fierce annoying :mad:

KingBrian2

To join our organisation first you must fill out this form

PART 1

(A) Do you have a history of burning effigies if yes tick here.

(B) What are your opinions concerning Israel chose one
(i) They are nice people
(ii) They are not nice people
(ii) They are Infidels.

PART 2 Write a paragraph on how you dislike America and Americans and how your contribution to our organisation will help you achieve your goals in taking down the enemy.

Name your Benefactor please have a signature from you local Saudi financer.

Part 3
Do you intend to be making regular visits to an Arab country or just acting in a part time capacity.


Once completed please hand form to local Commander for processing.

dandyelevan

Jaysus but I've seen it all now!

Father's Occupation ? (retired multiple suicide bomber)

Must be a wind-up...has to be.

weisses

No pension plan ?? ..... Probably early retirement

galljga1

silverfeather wrote: »

good lord!

Correction: Praise be Allah.

galljga1

dandyelevan wrote: »

Jaysus but I've seen it all now!

Father's Occupation ? (retired multiple suicide bomber)

Must be a wind-up...has to be.

He was actually sacked, he was crap at the job.

fleet_admiral

Id say the team building days are a blast

buried

Looks like a load of total bull$hit to me. No criminal syndicate in the world leaves any kind of paper trail of any sort. We're supposed to believe Al Qaeda has a 'HR Department' of shrowded Ms.Moneypenny secretaries that will contact somebodies next of kin once the potential employee blows themselves up? Shtap

The_Valeyard

dandyelevan wrote: »

Jaysus but I've seen it all now!

Father's Occupation ? (retired multiple suicide bomber)

Must be a wind-up...has to be.

True dat. Pretty sure a suicide bomber is a once off gig.

WakeUp

jihadis should stick to their recruitment videos. Al qaeda havent a patch on the isis jihadis job spec or not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Typ7din0rf4

Arsemageddon

Here's my favourite jihadi training video...

galljga1

Arsemageddon wrote: »

Here's my favourite jihadi training video...

W.T.F?

ScumLord

Deleted User wrote: »

This is a translated copy of the form.
http://www.odni.gov/files/documents/ubl/english/Instructions%20to%20Applicants.pdf

There's no email address, where do I send it?

Mint Aero

Lol a load of generic nice questions then subtly placed near the end "d'ya wanna kill yourself for us? "

F*cking troglodytes :pac:

crockholm

I wonder,can you negotiate an amount of virgins to await you in paradise with the top brass before you go to work,or will you be expected to take the flat rate of virgins starting off?

Not a NSA agent

galljga1 wrote: »

He was actually sacked, he was crap at the job.

He had one job and he blew it.

Sever Tomorrow

The Saudis are looking for executioners too. Solid back up option!

Summer wind

"Have you ever been in prison" hahahahahahaaaaaaa.

StupidLikeAFox

They are probably not interested in the answers, just how you process them under pressure

old_aussie

Once I read the second sentence.....

In the name of Allah the compassionate and merciful

That was enough.

buried

buried wrote: »

Looks like a load of total bull$hit to me. No criminal syndicate in the world leaves any kind of paper trail of any sort. We're supposed to believe Al Qaeda has a 'HR Department' of shrowded Ms.Moneypenny secretaries that will contact somebodies next of kin once the potential employee blows themselves up? Shtap

You are making the fatal mistake of assuming that they think that they are a "criminal" organisation, they don't.
They believe that they are a legitimate organisation and in parts of the world, they are in "government" so having a bureaucratic system is to be expected.

buried

Deleted User wrote: »

You are making the fatal mistake of assuming that they think that they are a "criminal" organisation, they don't.
They believe that they are a legitimate organisation and in parts of the world, they are in "government" so having a bureaucratic system is to be expected.

Pity then that no-one in any of the American Intelligence agencies discovered Mohamed Atta's "job application form" in this paper trail bureaucratic Al Qaeda "desk & office file set-up", or the 19 other 9/11 hijackers "job application forms"isn't it? The whole criminal affair could have been avoided

Egginacup

The fakery is reaching embarrassing levels now.

The Backwards Man

Egginacup wrote: »

The fakery is reaching embarrassing levels now.

Nearly as bad as photos of a bare chested Putin shooting polar bears and tigers eh?

ectoraige

Anybody know if they grant paid maternity leave?

fizzypish

Well at least they're well organized....

ectoraige

ectoraige wrote: »

Anybody know if they grant paid maternity leave?

Only the virgins. :P

Pinch Flat

No mention of Sports? Or other pursuits outside work, like being part of the local residents committee or tidy towns. Some times these can be make or break issues when the talent is very tight.

Also some standard questions

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Thinking back over a particularly challenging project you had to deliver, name some of the key challenges?

How would you deal with a difficult work colleague?

What skills outside the core skills required for this job can you bring?

What is your current notice period? Have you any holidays planned?

I think Al Qaeda HR have a bit of work to do

Miall108

Are you allowed to retire with a big pension? If it does Im in

WakeUp

Miall108 wrote: »

Are you allowed to retire with a big pension? If it does Im in

dont think jihadis do pensions no use to them really.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvV4lT8eyJM

KingBrian2

To be serious though I will never understand what compels these people to destroy ancient treasuries. They are destroying their own cultural heritage. Well I suppose they have no culture that we recognise as sophisticated. However using western technology like drills and hammers to deface beautiful ruins. One place is suitable for these people. Prison. If fact many are already convicts. Some criminals have standards these guys have none.

The reason they destroy these heritage sites is to "rewrite" history, when they educate future generations, their history books will start when Islam was founded.
With everything else erased, their children will never know otherwise.

Just imagine what Irish history would look like if early Christians had eliminated all the pagan artefacts & sites, historians would simply have no knowledge of any of it, no Newgrange or any of the other sites, standing stones etc

Pinch Flat

No mention of a gym, health insurance (particularly with the crazy risk) or a subsidized canteen would be a deal breaker for me.

DeadHand

Miall108 wrote: »

Are you allowed to retire with a big pension? If it does Im in

If you are a Jihadi pensioner you've failed at your career.

Same as a famous smuggler.

renegademaster

dandyelevan wrote: »

Must be a wind-up...has to be.

Ah no, sure they wouldn't do that, sire they only entered into illegal wars devastating Iraq and Afghanistan by murdering over 1,500,000 mostly innocent men women and children over the last 14 years, they'd never produce fake documents to give some sort of "evidence" that they killed OBL

KingBrian2

renegademaster wrote: »

Ah no, sure they wouldn't do that, sire they only entered into illegal wars devastating Iraq and Afghanistan by murdering over 1,500,000 mostly innocent men women and children over the last 14 years, they'd never produce fake documents to give some sort of "evidence" that they killed OBL

Still not an excuse for war tourism. People flying in from across Europe or elsewhere to the ruins of a warzone and then engaging in violence and butchery. We are supposed to have sympathy for an opposition that wants to give these people electoral status.

buried

At Al-Qaeda's height in the late 90's and early 2000's, membership of that organization numbered into the hundreds, at most. This notion peddled by western media that it was a far reaching, worldwide organisation with tentacles worldwide numbering into the 1000's is a complete and utter total lie. Even Bin Laden himself in 1999 had to hire people in to dress up as militants for his own propaganda videos for instance. After 9/11 the Americans wiped out the 2 or 3 training camps 'Al-Qaeda' actually had in Afghanistan. This new "information" about Al-Qaeda CV's and a functioning bureaucratic system within it from 4-5 years ago is total gibberish. They didn't even have it at the apex of their operations pre 9/11. Read Jason Burke's great books on the history of Al-Qaeda if you want to learn more

Capt'n Midnight

A job for life is nothing to be sniffed at.

riffmongous

WakeUp wrote: »

jihadis should stick to their recruitment videos. Al qaeda havent a patch on the isis jihadis job spec or not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Typ7din0rf4

Damn but that song is catchy, I'm expecting a knock on the door from the cops any minute now

silverfeather

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

A job for life is nothing to be sniffed at.

Yes but when it shortens your life to perhaps a few days you may want to reconsider. Also ..the killing...not nice.

Capt'n Midnight

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

A job for life is nothing to be sniffed at.

And when you do leave, you go out with a bang!