First Time breaking up

Pat_custard

Hey, So I recently (2 weeks) broke up with my gf of about 3 years.

she's spent the last 12 months abroad in England but it wasn't too bad because she could come home the odd weekend or I'd go over to her. After about 8/9 months though I started feeling the relationship is going downhill, I kept telling myself it's just because she's abroad it'll be better when she returns. I wrote a forum on boards and people told me to give her a chance, she how I feel once she gets back. So I did, but in my opinion it didn't get better I even felt it got worse.

she moved back home a month earlier than expected but was still working Mon-Fri with the company but from her house and I work Mon-Fri down the country so we really only have the weekend.

About 2 weeks I broke it off with her. She got a new weekend job in another company that will take her on Mon-Fri 8 weeks from now when she finished her current job. but for me that's 8 weeks with no weekdays/weekends together after 12 months apart. I didn't think I could do it so I broke it off.

I've never had to break up with somebody before so it was really hard, she took it well considering but still sends the odd text blaming herself but I feel I'm equally to blame because I wasn't willing to put the effort in.

The first week of the break up was hard, really really hard I wanted to call/text her all the time, but didn't. The second week was much easier (still hard) but just about 2 days ago she changed her fb picture and it popped up in my feed. I seen it, she looked really well in it and I couldn't help but notice all the lads who were liking it.

It made me jealous if I'm honest. Now I'm back to square one again. That first week feeling all over again! "What have I done?" "Did I do the right thing" "What if I made a mistake"

My mind is doing the rounds I can't stop myself, especially in work where I have a lot of time to just think and nothing to take my mind off of it.

Has anybody any similar issues/advice/anything?

Thanks.

tinz18

The only advice I can give OP is at minimum unfollow her on facebook but a better tactic if possible is to unfriend and block her, even temporarily for a few months until you feel you can deal with seeing things like guys liking her pictures. Are you part of clubs or have a hobby that you can throw yourself into? I ended up joining Macra na Feirme where I was living to give myself something to fill the space and it was great craic even though I'm not a farmer at all!

It really is a case of time helps you to heal but the key is to try and fill your free time so you're not left in your own head too much. Is there anyway you could get something more interesting and brainpower consuming at work?

Matteroffact

Breakups always leave us doubting ourselves. You would not have broken up with this girl had you been happy in the relationship. What you are feeling now is just a big hole in your life where she once was and while it is not a nice place to be in you will soon feel much better given time. You did what felt right for you at the time, i.e. breaking up and from what you say it was the right decision. Delete her off your facebook page because it will do you no good checking hers, you will just be tormenting yourself. You have lots of good times in store for you in the future, so chin up.

Pat_custard

tinz18 wrote: »

The only advice I can give OP is at minimum unfollow her on facebook but a better tactic if possible is to unfriend and block her, even temporarily for a few months until you feel you can deal with seeing things like guys liking her pictures. Are you part of clubs or have a hobby that you can throw yourself into? I ended up joining Macra na Feirme where I was living to give myself something to fill the space and it was great craic even though I'm not a farmer at all!

It really is a case of time helps you to heal but the key is to try and fill your free time so you're not left in your own head too much. Is there anyway you could get something more interesting and brainpower consuming at work?

Yea I play GAA so luckily enough there are at least three evenings a week where I have something guaranteed to do.

I've been advised to delete her off Facebook/block her etc. the problem I have is how close we live to each other. We're from neighboring villages and there's only really one nightclub/bar that everyone goes to. There's a 100% certainty that I'll see her there at some point and I'd hopefully like to get to a stage where we can be civil, probably never friends, but capable of talking a small bit.

If I deleted her I feel she would just hate me for it

Stavro Mueller

If you don't want to unfriend her, then just block her.

BadTurtle

edit: Whoops, had the phone on in my pocket and it posted a load of gibberish

I've been in much the same situation as you OP, went out with a girl for 2 and a half years, it was largely long distance anyway as she was in galway and I was in cork, but the last year we were going out I was living in Bordeaux for most of it, then she spent 3 months in India not long after I came home. It made me realize I was starting to miss being single but I didn't want to end it just because I was sick of the long distance stuff like Skype and never being able to have a chat when I wanted. I left it til she came back, and I was still weighing it up but like yourself I realised it was no good waiting it out, it wasn't going back to how it was. So I broke up with her and initially I was very unsure whether it had been the right thing to do, but I started to enjoy the freedom I'd missed and eventually came to see I was right to do it (it helped that my girlfriend took it very badly and said some things that I still haven't forgotten, despite being on fairly good terms again now). Like the others say - get rid of the Facebook link. For now at least, you don't need to be looking back and second-guessing yourself. in my case, my ex asked me to block her so she couldn't upset herself looking at my page but I was grateful to do it, because of the reasons I just gave you to block yours. My advice is to get on with your life and avoid the social media trap as much as possible. Explain it to your ex if you have to about the Facebook thing, but don't let it become a huge thing for yourself or you'll never get over her.

Pat_custard

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

If you don't want to unfriend her, then just block her.

You're right, I just did it there!

it's a pretty terrible feeling trying my absolute best to just erase her from my life considering she was such a big part of it the 3 years, but I suppose everybody goes through the same thing right?

Pat_custard

BadTurtle wrote: »

edit: Whoops, had the phone on in my pocket and it posted a load of gibberish

I've been in much the same situation as you OP, went out with a girl for 2 and a half years, it was largely long distance anyway as she was in galway and I was in cork, but the last year we were going out I was living in Bordeaux for most of it, then she spent 3 months in India not long after I came home. It made me realize I was starting to miss being single but I didn't want to end it just because I was sick of the long distance stuff like Skype and never being able to have a chat when I wanted. I left it til she came back, and I was still weighing it up but like yourself I realised it was no good waiting it out, it wasn't going back to how it was. So I broke up with her and initially I was very unsure whether it had been the right thing to do, but I started to enjoy the freedom I'd missed and eventually came to see I was right to do it (it helped that my girlfriend took it very badly and said some things that I still haven't forgotten, despite being on fairly good terms again now). Like the others say - get rid of the Facebook link. For now at least, you don't need to be looking back and second-guessing yourself. in my case, my ex asked me to block her so she couldn't upset herself looking at my page but I was grateful to do it, because of the reasons I just gave you to block yours. My advice is to get on with your life and avoid the social media trap as much as possible. Explain it to your ex if you have to about the Facebook thing, but don't let it become a huge thing for yourself or you'll never get over her.

I'm just after blocking her would you say it would be a good idea to let her know why I did it? Or just leave it?

BadTurtle

If you reckon she's going to ask you about it sooner or later you might as well tell her yourself now but keep it brief, just let her know why you felt you had to.

Tilly

I wouldnt bother telling her. If she asks then yes tell her why but no need to tell her now without her knowing you did it.

Pat_custard

I think maybe I should send her a text to explain it?

She's the type that wouldn't say it to me, but spend hours in her head coming up with terrible reasons to why I did it.

Taltos

Then it makes sense to let her know. Especially if you hope to be civil later and as you say you're in a small community, no point causing waves or ill feeling beyond what's there.

Pat_custard

Thanks for every ones input I have to thank yous for helping me take one more step towards moving on