maintenance

Eircom_Sucks

long story short

have a 4 and 2 year old ( im the dad )

unemployed but still give the mother 70-100 a week

but every second week i have them 5 days , pay for nappys etc , still treat them etc

should i have to pay maintenance on weeks have kids for 5 days ?

we get on ok but feel im being made a mug of , my kids mean the world to me , but being unemployed its hard giving 70-100 when i have them 5 days every second week

highly1111

I wouldn't imagine the full amount would be necessary on the weeks you have them due to food / petrol / entertainment etc but the majority of the maintenance would go towards shoes / clothes / rent / mortgage for their home, bills etc so maybe not the full €100 but I'd imagine at least half?? I could be way out though and its just my tuppence. What i would do is record how much extra you spend oj the weeks you have them (realistically) and present that to your ex as a possible reduction. If its fair then I presume she would be reasonable???

The Corinthian

70-100 a week seems quite high for someone who's unemployed, but for someone who's unemployed and has the child 5 out of 14 days, it does seem OTT and unsustainable in the long run. Talk to the mother about this and if necessary consider going to court for a motion of variance.

highly1111 wrote: »

If its fair then I presume she would be reasonable???

I would not presume that.

Eircom_Sucks

The Corinthian wrote: »

70-100 a week seems quite high for someone who's unemployed, but for someone who's unemployed and has the child 5 out of 14 days, it does seem OTT and unsustainable in the long run. Talk to the mother about this and if necessary consider going to court for a motion of variance.

I would not presume that.

have them 7 days out of 14 at min , thats cause im out of work at min , when i do get a job id gave them every tue/wed and every second weekend , now i take them to indoor adventure play areas when its raining out and buy them their food and treat them aswell etc

i love my kids so much , but she said today we are co-parenting but im the one handing over cash

i might add ive never missed a payment , as soon as im paid my social on a tuesday i give it to her that night etc

she earns €65k by the way , just has a mortgage no other big outgoing , we both have the usual petrol , bills , phone etc

The Corinthian

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

have them 7 days out of 14 at min , thats cause im out of work at min , when i do get a job id gave them every tue/wed and every second weekend , now i take them to indoor adventure play areas when its raining out and buy them their food and treat them aswell etc

So you're not exactly unemployed? That changes this as it makes your position a lot more sustainable financially. TBH, without knowing all the details and probably both sides, it's not only impossible to advise but also irresponsible to do so, as all too often people come on fora like this not looking for advice but validation for their own agendas.

I'm not saying this is the case, but your story has just changed and that causes me to pause.

i love my kids so much , but she said today we are co-parenting but im the one handing over cash

Again, I can't comment; as I said in my last post, we can't presume she'll be reasonable, but at the same time we can't presume she won't. There are some mothers who are happy to use the father as an ATM to fund their own lifestyles out there, but there are also those who really are just looking for half of the genuine expenses associated with the child(ren).

But if you are co-parenting, as she claims, then I'd speak with her. From what you've said you appear to be at best doing some casual part-time or short-term work, wile she's working full-time, and if so, it would make more sense that you and your ex reverse roles, with her taking the children five days a fortnight and paying you maintenance - after all, does it makes sense that she pays for child care while she's working and you're not?

If she is reasonable and you co-parenting isn't just something she's said for the sake of it, you'll likely come to some temporary arrangement until you find full-time employment again. If not, and money and not co-parenting turns out to be her priority, that will come out too. At that stage you might consider mediation or the courts as the next step.

Eircom_Sucks

The Corinthian wrote: »

So you're not exactly unemployed? That changes this as it makes your position a lot more sustainable financially. TBH, without knowing all the details and probably both sides, it's not only impossible to advise but also irresponsible to do so, as all too often people come on fora like this not looking for advice but validation for their own agendas.

I'm not saying this is the case, but your story has just changed and that causes me to pause.

Again, I can't comment; as I said in my last post, we can't presume she'll be reasonable, but at the same time we can't presume she won't. There are some mothers who are happy to use the father as an ATM to fund their own lifestyles out there, but there are also those who really are just looking for half of the genuine expenses associated with the child(ren).

But if you are co-parenting, as she claims, then I'd speak with her. From what you've said you appear to be at best doing some casual part-time or short-term work, wile she's working full-time, and if so, it would make more sense that you and your ex reverse roles, with her taking the children five days a fortnight and paying you maintenance - after all, does it makes sense that she pays for child care while she's working and you're not?

If she is reasonable and you co-parenting isn't just something she's said for the sake of it, you'll likely come to some temporary arrangement until you find full-time employment again. If not, and money and not co-parenting turns out to be her priority, that will come out too. At that stage you might consider mediation or the courts as the next step.

read what i wrote again

im out of work , when i do get a job .......

also no childcare costs at min

The Corinthian

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

read what i wrote again

im out of work , when i do get a job .......

Sorry, you're right, I misread.

cbyrd

Just be sure to keep a record of what you pay. Put it through a bank account rather than handing it to her, that way she can't ever say she's not getting maintenance.
It's better for both of you if it ever comes up in a legal way.
It's a big chunk of money when you are not working, I get €500 per month for 4 children, he has a good job, I'm home with the kids. I don't get anything else from him, the kids have often asked for money when they're with him but he refuses saying that I have been given the money for them. I can't wait until he has them for 2 weeks in July. He'll discover just how expensive they are!

zeffabelli

cbyrd wrote: »

Just be sure to keep a record of what you pay. Put it through a bank account rather than handing it to her, that way she can't ever say she's not getting maintenance.
It's better for both of you if it ever comes up in a legal way.
It's a big chunk of money when you are not working, I get €500 per month for 4 children, he has a good job, I'm home with the kids. I don't get anything else from him, the kids have often asked for money when they're with him but he refuses saying that I have been given the money for them. I can't wait until he has them for 2 weeks in July. He'll discover just how expensive they are!

That is lousy money for four kids.

The Corinthian

zeffabelli wrote:

That is lousy money for four kids.

Well perhaps, but given he's unemployed his income is probably capped at €188 p.w. JSA/JSB. So unless you feel he should be reduced to eating grass, I'm not sure he can realistically pay more. Maybe he could sell a kidney, if you think it might help?

He's also got custody for a third of the time, and covering those expenses - were it half, he realistically not have to pay anything.

Also it shouldn't be the only money. Unless one believes that being a custodial parent entitles one to a free financial ride, both parents have a legal and moral obligation to support their children financially.

zeffabelli

The Corinthian wrote: »

Well perhaps, but given he's unemployed his income is probably capped at €188 p.w. JSA/JSB. So unless you feel he should be reduced to eating grass, I'm not sure he can realistically pay more. Maybe he could sell a kidney, if you think it might help?

He's also got custody for a third of the time, and covering those expenses - were it half, he realistically not have to pay anything.

Also it shouldn't be the only money. Unless one believes that being a custodial parent entitles one to a free financial ride, both parents have a legal and moral obligation to support their children financially.

Pontificating and high horsing aside, 500 a month for four kids stinks. I don't know why you have to interject with fantasies of what the other person thinks about selling organs.

Or the second paragraph wtf? Now you are the moral arbiter of the parenting boards telling parents what their moral obligations are...that's pretty funny given all your gender rights activism. LOL.

The Corinthian

TBH, I mistakenly thought you were responding to the OP when I responded, so I can't say my own response applies.



The moment you posted how lousy the amount was, you actually put yourself forward as a moral arbiter, so you're hardly in a position to complain unless you feel you have a monopoly on that role.

Are you following me around on boards btw? You're appearing and responding to me a bit of late.

zeffabelli

The Corinthian wrote: »

TBH, I mistakenly thought you were responding to the OP when I responded, so I can't say my own response applies.

The moment you posted how lousy the amount was, you actually put yourself forward as a moral arbiter, so you're hardly in a position to complain unless you feel you have a monopoly on that role.

No I didn't. I said it was lousy. I didn't start moralising and pontificating to parents about what their responsibilities are. 500 a month for four kids doesn't even come close to half of the financial responsibility, custodial parent or not...so I don't know why you chose a high horse attitude to the custodial parent there. She should be congratulated for managing four children on that contribution.

Easy divorce and breeding out of wedlock has pretty much brought about polygamy in effect, and polygamy is expensive. A la carte costs.

amie lee

U should only be paying maintenance if U not living or only having kids for few hours or a day or night every week. Maintenance is 100 euros per child through family court per week.

The Corinthian

zeffabelli wrote: »

No I didn't. I said it was lousy. I didn't start moralising and pontificating to parents about what their responsibilities are.

That's actually a legal obligation.

Easy divorce and breeding out of wedlock has pretty much brought about polygamy in effect, and polygamy is expensive. A la carte costs.

Yes, you're not playing the part of moral arbiter or pontificating at all...

cbyrd

The Corinthian wrote:

Well perhaps, but given he's unemployed his income is probably capped at €188 p.w. JSA/JSB. So unless you feel he should be reduced to eating grass, I'm not sure he can realistically pay more. Maybe he could sell a kidney, if you think it might help?

My ex is in full employment with a very good salary

zeffabelli

The Corinthian wrote: »

That's actually a legal obligation.

Yes, you're not playing the part of moral arbiter or pontificating at all...

No I am not.

You however, made gave a highly finger wagging little lecture there to parents in addition to all sort of imaginary projections about me wanting him to donate organs.

Bizarre.

The Corinthian

cbyrd wrote: »

My ex is in full employment with a very good salary

I've already said that I had confused your ex with the OP when I was responding. Apologies, it was an error.

zeffabelli wrote: »

No I am not.

Sure. Nothing high handed or moralistic about "easy divorce and breeding out of wedlock has pretty much brought about polygamy in effect, and polygamy is expensive. A la carte costs". Totally believe you.

cbyrd

amie lee wrote:

U should only be paying maintenance if U not living or only having kids for few hours or a day or night every week. Maintenance is 100 euros per child through family court per week.

It goes up to E125 per week per child, however, it's based on ability to pay and other financial responsibilities.
Every case is dealt with individually.

Sean1986

My partner and in the process of separating and have two young children together. She is currently on a disability payment and I am in receipt of a research scholarship. My scholarship is 875EUR per month and her disability payment is currently being reduced as a result. She also receives rent allowance.
I will be paying rent of 400EUR per month in my new place which includes all bills. I estimate food and other costs to be around 50EUR per week. I also want to continue to supporting my kids so at the moment I had planed to pay car insurance and a few other bills that are already in my name which will come to around 180EUR per month.
I have heard that the social welfare will reduce her payment depending on the amount of maintenance I pay, so I'm wondering should I pay some bills informally and offer to pay a nominal maintenance payment more officially. I am going to struggle financially to pay what I intend to and I want to ensure that my ex is not penalised for the money that I give in which case my struggle will seem even more futile.
Any help in relation to this would be greatly appreciated. The information online complicated and at the moment my head is really not in the right place to deal with it.

The Corinthian

Up to the first 100e of maintenance can be deducted from rent allowance per week. From your figures, you would be able pay only about 100e per month, so this doesn't leave you with much room for maneuver.

If you still have good relations with your ex, then you could pay her directly (although I'd recommend some form of proof of payment), but then she would have to lie about this to the SW to stop it being swallowed up by them. Other than the dangers surrounding such a deception, they will likely go after you directly after a while (coincidentally only for as much as they can claw back).

Pawwed Rig

Just buy things and pay for your children as they arise thereby cutting out the ex. She does not declare money she does not receive and there is nothing underhand or illegal going on.

zeffabelli

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Just buy things and pay for your children as they arise thereby cutting out the ex. She does not declare money she does not receive and there is nothing underhand or illegal going on.

This is the most cost effective and above board way of doing things.