The hounds of love

LegacyUser

Firstly thank you very much for taking the time to read my post. And even more so if you comment.

I best start off by describing myself. I guess I come in layers or aspects. My outer self when you first meet me in life is shy. But a few mins in I tend to come across as capricious fun and I consider myself to be good natured. I am highly sensitive. I am quite a deep person although that might not come across at first.

I have been in relationships. I give my time to myself to get over them. I was through a horrendous one which really almost broke me.

I am not asking for anything I am not willing to give. I love unconditionally. I am loyal. I think I am intelligent. I am kind.

I feel I am misjudged a lot.

I know I am not perfect. I accept others though. I try to make them feel comfortable.

I have gone on a few dates recently. Generally I feel I am misjudged. I notice a pattern. Guys dismiss me at first then on closer inspection actually you are actually a nice person. But by that time I sort of resent it. I kind of feel well why didn't you treat me that way from the beginning?

I just want the real deal. I want to accept someone. I want it to be with that spark. I don't think it will ever happen. I know not everyone finds that.

I am one of those stupid people who believes in soul mates.

I am not good enough for anyone.

When i do go on dates I feel there is no mutual chemistry.

Sorry for moaning. I don't know what to do. Do I just keep on?

I tend to get quite attached to one person. I can't quite tell if I come across as too flirty or not flirty enough!?
Thanks

strobe

I have gone on a few dates recently. Generally I feel I am misjudged. I notice a pattern. Guys dismiss me at first then on closer inspection actually you are actually a nice person. But by that time I sort of resent it. I kind of feel well why didn't you treat me that way from the beginning?

Are you sure you're not seeing something that's not there here? That they dismiss you at first? It's possible you are going into things expecting that to be the reaction you get and are therefore reading into things that aren't there. Loads of people are quite nervous on a first date, and may seem a little stand-offish or something at first due to that. But then once they've settled into things a bit they feel a bit more comfortable and you get to see the real side of them.

But if you're feeling resentful at this point that's going to come across, and just as they are feeling comfortable enough to have a bit of fun, your giving off unpleasant vibes to them and the date is screwed.


(I will say though that if you're talking about Internet dating here, use recent, representative photographs, and don't lie about your age.)

Blue Iris

Delius, the line that stood out the most for me in your post is "I am not good enough for anyone". I can categorically tell you that that is not true, but it's very likely that you won't believe me. A thought like that about yourself is a core belief and our core beliefs have a phenomenal impact on our experience of life and relationships. Before you can have any kind of a fulfilling relationship ( which you totally deserve) you have to challenge that core belief and remove it from your inner sense of who you are.

If you continue to operate out of that belief you will project all kinds of things onto people, believing that they are seeing you as less than them, not worth getting involved with, not good enough to fall in love with etc. Please consider doing something to address this. All of us are equally worthy. You are just as good as me and as anyone else you meet. When you know this to be true in the depths of your being, you will meet someone you feel compatible with and it will just naturally evolve into something good.