Ex wants me to visit

LegacyUser

Right, i don't know whether this is a dilemma or a dream but some solid advice might be needed, or home truths or something!

I had a relationship with a foreign girl for 2ish years, she moved abroad and i didnt basically.
I've been seeing someone since and am very happy, however i have had the odd text back and forth from my ex, just friendly stuff.

However, when we were together she had some amazing extreme sexual preferences, nothing illegal or anything, and ive never had experiences like it before or since! I constantly think i would love just once more with her... Shes an extremely good looking girl, maybe the sexiest girl ive ever met.
Recently her texts have been about our sexual moments and she hasn't had any since like before and has asked me to fly out to her for a few days to basically spend the time in her bed and have the sex we used to have, neither of us have the interest or the possibility of getting back together.

So i suppose im asking should i go and do this and finally get it off my mind or should i continue and be constantly thinking "id love just one more time"

Not the worst dilemma i know..... and for all the "dont do it you cheat" etc etc, please don't bother having a go at me, im 100% aware of it.

Idle Passerby

I think if you're willing to risk your current relationship for a dirty no strings weekend you cant be that happy with it. If your that tempted, break up with your girlfriend first, or tell her the plan. There's a (probably very small) chance she will have no issue with it.

I think its naive to think you can go and there will be no repercussions. You'll either feel guilty and your girlfriend will get suspicious or you'll think "that worked great, lets do it again" either way, a can of worms.

silverfeather

If once more was enough then the last time would have been enough. Personally I like to be in a relationship with people I have sex with. I can't do casual or fb type situations.

Cheating is going to have repercussions. And it probably will not stop. I think you would continue with flirty sexting. I think you should ask yourself though if you are really really satisfied with your current gf? Maybe you should look for someone you have just as good sexual chemistry with? It's worth it.

I can't do sex with no emotions. I need the commitment. I don't think you could do it with no repercussions etc. And obviously the potentially to hurt others is there.

I think you need to ask yourself if you are really into the new gf that much?

Isn't better to find someone you have all the connections with?

CaraMay

You should break up with your gf and go do it.

Big Bag of Chips

Have a chat with your gf about it. She's the one you should be asking, not us. If you can't ask your gf then you know what you're doing would hurt her. So it's up to you... Do you want to risk hurting her?

It sounds like you sort of like your gf a lot, but she's not "the one". It sounds like you're filling time with her until something better comes along. If that's true, then you should probably tell her it's not working out. You should be with someone you are mad about, and your gf should be with someone who's mad about her.

Unless of course you're both just "filling time" and neither of you are that bothered.

By the way, if you're "sexting" your ex, then your gf might already feel that you've crossed a line. Does she know how much contact you have with your ex? Would you tell her? If you wouldn't then your gf is in a completely different relationship than you. What she thinks the relationship is, and what you think it is are totally separate.

kylith

dontknowwhattodo wrote: »

and for all the "dont do it you cheat" etc etc, please don't bother having a go at me, im 100% aware of it.

This says it all, really. You are 100% aware that to do this would be cheating. Are you hoping someone here will give you permission to go cheat on your GF?

Either tell your ex to find a fb where she is and stop contacting you, or break up with your gf and go do whatever and whoever you want.

pookie82

dontknowwhattodo wrote: »

I've been seeing someone since and am very happy, however i have had the odd text back and forth from my ex, just friendly stuff.

Recently her texts have been about our sexual moments and she hasn't had any since like before and has asked me to fly out to her for a few days to basically spend the time in her bed and have the sex we used to have, neither of us have the interest or the possibility of getting back together.

So i suppose im asking should i go and do this and finally get it off my mind or should i continue and be constantly thinking "id love just one more time"

Sorry, just to be clear, am I reading this right? You're thinking of doing this and NOT breaking up with your current girlfriend? You're looking for advice as to whether you should cheat or not, for old time's sake?

Are you hoping someone will tell you to? Who in their right mind would advise you that this is a good idea? The nature of your contact with her alone is as*hole behaviour to be honest, considering you're "very happy" with someone else.

You sound like you want to have your cake and eat it too. At least have the decency to break up with your existing gf before galivanting off for a sex holiday with an ex.

Honestly, this is one of the most bizarre questions I've ever seen on here.

mapaca

There's no dilemma here. You're obviously not that into your current girlfriend - you barely mention her in your post, plus you have been sexting your ex behind her back, which many people would consider cheating already. Break up with her. I don't think anyone's going to tell you it's ok to cheat on her.

magicmushroom

I'm amazed at the advice to 'discuss it with his current girlfriend'
Erm, what??

Who discusses that kind of stuff - 'here love, do you mind if I pop over to the exes this weekend for some super dirty sex, they type you don't give me and I can't get out of my head - you don't mind, do you?'

The fact that you're even texting this girl about your previous sexual exploits is cheating on your current girlfriend.
If you go and meet up with this ex or not you should still split with your current partner, the poor girl - I'd be devastated if a partner of mine was even having these thoughts let alone acting upon them.

HalloweenJack

magicmushroom wrote: »

I'm amazed at the advice to 'discuss it with his current girlfriend'
Erm, what??

Who discusses that kind of stuff - 'here love, do you mind if I pop over to the exes this weekend for some super dirty sex, they type you don't give me and I can't get out of my head - you don't mind, do you?'

I think it's a sarcastic suggestion to get the OP to realise how ridiculous the situation is.

I can only agree with others have posted. Either forget about your ex and continue with your relationship, if you're really happy in it, or break up with her and go have your fun with your ex.

Which do you think would be best in the long-term?

magicmushroom

HalloweenJack wrote: »

I think it's a sarcastic suggestion to get the OP to realise how ridiculous the situation is.

I can only agree with others have posted. Either forget about your ex and continue with your relationship, if you're really happy in it, or break up with her and go have your fun with your ex.

Which do you think would be best in the long-term?

Oh OK, sorry - the sarcasm went over my head today!

TheBeardedLady

CaraMay wrote: »

You should break up with your gf and go do it.

This is what you should do, tbh.

magicmushroom

Defo break up with the girlfriend, either way.

And once you have, meet the ex, get it out of your system.

But for the love of God, do NOT get into a relationship with anyone else until you are completely over her - it's so unfair on anyone new to get involved with you, fall in love etc when your mind is elsewhere.

Blue Iris

You'll get your answer if you ask yourself this question: "If the shoe was on the other foot and my girlfriend was in touch with an ex she still had feelings of attraction for and he offered her this, how would I feel about it? Would I be happy for her to have an opportunity to get this out of her system and then come back to me?"

If your answer to this is yes, then go ahead. If it's no, then you have some sense of how she might feel if she knew all this was happening between you and your ex and what was going on in your head.

It isn't fair to someone to betray their trust in you and deceive them in a major fashion. All you have to do to understand this is to think about exactly how you'd feel if they were to do the same to you. Unless you have a jointly agreed open relationship, you're quite likely to feel pretty upset about it.

orthsquel

Does your ex know that you are in a relationship? Or is she under the uncorrected assumption that you are single, hence the invitation?

Is sex all she is looking for? What if she gets pregnant, are you prepared to deal with the consequences? Are you going to be sexually responsible, particularly in getting yourself tested for STIs afterwards before you have sex with your girlfriend? Could you cope with the shame and guilt risking your current girlfriend's body and sexual heath by running off for a wild sex weekend? And are you even sure about what you are getting yourself into with your ex sexually, you say she has "extreme sexual preferences" which could be viewed as anything to anyone, but what if she wants to escalate that sexual behaviour to something more risky e.g. a threesome or group sex or something unexpected, would you be prepared to deal with that? And would you be prepared to deal with the opposite, that she might change her mind on the whole thing and back out when confronted with the reality of the situation and you being there? And what if she also changes her mind and wants there to be a relationship, or asks you to stay longer, or the offer of a sex weekend was the build up to starting a relationship? And... are you aware if she is currently involved with someone?

If you really want to have sex with this ex, put your girlfriend's health first and foremost and break up with her. You've no real interest in her anyway, you don't sound that happy if you are seriously entertaining the idea of sex with an ex via cheating on your girlfriend who you are supposedly in a "happy" relationship with; But your current girlfriend's sexual health comes first, not taking her and her body and her sexual health into consideration smacks of blatant selfishness and irresponsibility.

If you are that easily swung by a chance of sex with an ex, you should really be wondering if you are ready to be in a real relationship, if the very sniff of a possibility of sex on the table by your ex has you one foot out the door with the flight booked only after looking for validation from the internet, then most likely this current relationship isn't a real runner, or a good relationship for someone who lacks coping skills in being single.

It's not something that is just going to be a once off btw. If you go through with it, you'll do it again.

If it's just the attractiveness of more exciting sex than you otherwise would have in your relationship, then you ought to be more honest with yourself and acknowledge that the sex in your current relationship isn't exciting for you and discuss that with your girlfriend and work together on making it more fun and exciting for both of you, or otherwise if she sees no issue and you want the sort of sex you had with your ex, sex with extreme sexual preferences, then you ought to break up with your current girlfriend and find someone who is more sexually compatible on par with also having extreme sexual preferences.

ScottStorm

Sounds to me like, your boss has booked you in for a very boring business conference.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.