"I smell the anus of Satan"

osarusan

Traveller on Singapore-Sydney flight writes open letter on sickbag to the inconsiderate passenger seated behind her. It's long, but it's worth reading.


This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me laugh. The I stop laughing for a bit, but crack up laughing again.


http://metro.co.uk/2015/05/12/this-woman-has-found-the-most-annoying-airline-passenger-ever-5192954/

Dear passenger 15A,
You do not know me but I was seated in front of you during the flight from Singapore to Sydney on April 12th.
What I had initially thought to be a routine flight turned out to be a once in a lifetime experience – and it was all because of you.


I am writing this letter to thank you personally.

Being the cheapskate that I am, I did not pay extra for a seat next to the emergency exit.
Though it offered more legroom, I couldn’t be bothered to read the special safety procedures. The last thing I would want is to compromise the lives of all the innocent passengers because I do not know how to open the airplane door.

Despite my common economy seat, you offered me a full back massage by repeatedly kicking the back of chair. To date, I have yet to regain full mobility of the lower half of my body. But since I am single, I suppose I don’t have much use for it anyway.

I did not pay for the in-flight entertainment package and I was worried that I might get bored. But my concerns were unnecessary. You were talking so loudly, as if your friend was seated in the cargo hold rather than right next to you.

Perhaps she’s hard of hearing? This might strike you as odd but for the first time in my life, I wished I had a hearing impairment too.
Also, could you tell me where you bought those obnoxious snacks? I assume that they must have been delicious cause you rip one open every 30 minutes.
Thanks for the loud rustling and chewing ambient sounds!

At this point, I thought, ‘It can’t get any better than this.’ But what I had meant as a rhetorical question, you took as a challenge.

For immediately, my nose was assaulted by a putrid smell of death and decay.
The stench was so strong that I turned to check if the old lady seated next to me was still breathing.
It was so nice of you to take off your shoes and put your feet between my seat and the plane window. It must have taken considerable effort – it was a small space but you stuck it as close to my face as you possibly could.

Your kindness moves me.

The sun is rising above the horizon; the sky is bleeding crimson and gold. But I cannot turn to gaze at this everyday miracle because every time I do, I smell the anus of Satan.

I had half the mind to pull down the oxygen mask above me. But then I remembered that I was flying on a budget airline, so I’d probably have to pay extra for that.

Did you know that you have made me a more religious person?
I have said more prayers in that eight-hour flight than I have in my entire life.

I was torn between asking God for strength to endure the rest of the journey and,
‘SWEET GUAN YIN MA [a Buddhist nun], TAKE ME HOME!’
This experience has been so memorable that I am writing this from my therapist’s office. I have also signed up for ten more sessions to talk about it.


Thank you once again.
Insincerely yours,
Passenger 14A

El Weirdo

...the writer, who runs blog iaremunyee.com...

Ah. Makes sense now.

The Backwards Man

What an absolutely horrific and harrowing ordeal! Is there some sort of a disaster fund set up that we can send donations to? I hope the Red Cross and the UN have been informed and have invoked all the necessary protocols for relief.

suicide_circus

If someone stuck their feet between my seat like that I'd end up repeatedly accidentally mashing them with my elbow

Mint Aero

Didn't read it. I don't care about her life. She should try growing up a small bit and getting a bit of cop on instead of writing childish rants on sickbags. That's what AH is for.

No_Comply

God, I really hate those self-indulgent 'open letters'.

What's worse is the attempted humour. Terrible.

02/10

fizzypish

Story would be fine if she wrote it and then handed it to the guy. Just because you suck at public speaking doesn't mean you can't have balls!

Lollipops23

Why couldn't she just ask the person to take their feet down off the window ledge? Seems silly to sit there seething when she could have reasonably done something about it.

anncoates

I dread to think what the crazy, self-absorbed twat would do if somebody actually did something really bad to them.

darkpagandeath

To the internet, Where he can meet out SJW style justice. The kind He is afraid to do in Real life, in case He is offensive. Oh wait it's just a blogger.

A profile in courage.

Magico Gonzalez

All the exaggeration (cannot move lower body..really) makes the complainant here pretty unlikeable. The feet up is pretty certainly a pain, but do something about it (mention it to the passenger and cabin crew) before taking to writing on sick bags.

Live tweeters and open letter writers revel in the "misery" of their event, squeaking with delight at the possibility of likes and followers.

mickydoomsux

Can we quit it with the "open letter" horse****?

Passive aggressive nonsense. If you have a problem with someone, confront them. Don't write some pussy little note hoping it gets picked up by some website as an "epic something that some guy did!!!!1111"

The general public have ruined the internet.

osarusan

Ah Jaysus lads, killing my buzz taking it so seriously.

anus of Satan:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

The_Valeyard

Sit beside someone after a feed of Guinness at the weekend and you will know all about the anus of Satan

Stillhouette

It's not often I would be openly critical on the internet but that letter was a total waste of my time. I would bet it's not true either.

CD8ED

Bit off topic, but i was on a flight recently and the muppet in front of me decided to recline his seat leaving me next to no room. Anyway, I dropped the tray table in front of me and proceeded to drum all my favourite songs.

Soon after, the seat went back up and all was well in the world again :cool:

walkingshadow

I bet Satan's anus smells like BBQ ribs.

walkingshadow

mickydoomsux wrote: »

Can we quit it with the "open letter" horse****?

Passive aggressive nonsense. If you have a problem with someone, confront them. Don't write some pussy little note hoping it gets picked up by some website as an "epic something that some guy did!!!!1111"

The general public have ruined the internet.

Agreed. His thoughts must have been "this is pissing me off, but I hope my response will go viral to show how cool I am!"

Lu Tze

CD8ED wrote: »

Bit off topic, but i was on a flight recently and the muppet in front of me decided to recline his seat leaving me next to no room. Anyway, I dropped the tray table in front of me and proceeded to drum all my favourite songs.

Soon after, the seat went back up and all was well in the world again :cool:

My routine on boarding flights

1. Find seat and sit down
2. Jam knees against seat in front
3. Maintain pressure against seat
4. Prevent inevitable attempt(s) of passenger infront reclining seat
5. Passenger eventually concludes reclining function is inoperable
6. Enjoy the rest of the flight in uncramped position

RonanP77

mickydoomsux wrote:

Passive aggressive nonsense. If you have a problem with someone, confront them. Don't write some pussy little note hoping it gets picked up by some website as an "epic something that some guy did!!!!1111"

I have a problem with you having a problem with open letters. I think they can occasionally be quite humorous. Consider yourself confronted.

Mesrine65

Problem easily overcome by turning to offending passenger with a simple 'WTF...bit of consideration would be appreciated mofo' :mad:

Pinch Flat

Lu Tze wrote: »

My routine on boarding flights

1. Find seat and sit down
2. Jam knees against seat in front
3. Maintain pressure against seat
4. Prevent inevitable attempt(s) of passenger infront reclining seat
5. Passenger eventually concludes reclining function is inoperable
6. Enjoy the rest of the flight in uncramped position

Or just buy one of these

http://www.gadgetduck.com/goods/kneedefender.html

darkpagandeath

Lu Tze wrote: »

My routine on boarding flights

1. Find seat and sit down
   
2. Jam knees against seat in front
3. Maintain pressure against seat
4. Prevent inevitable attempt(s) of passenger infront reclining seat
5. Passenger eventually concludes reclining function is inoperable
6. Enjoy the rest of the flight in uncramped position

full 1lt bottle of water does that jam it in the back of the tray for eating in that space.

Cold War Kid

Not the first one of these.
The subject of their ire does not seem pleasant to sit next to on a plane for sure, but the open letter-writer ends up making themselves equally as, if not more, dislikeable because of their exceptionally passive-aggressive, spiteful take, and of course lack of guts to say it to the person's face. Anonymous letter after the fact - that'll learn 'em.

silverfeather

osarusan wrote: »

This experience has been so memorable that I am writing this from my therapist’s office. I have also signed up for ten more sessions to talk about it.

That poor ****ing therapist.

One eyed Jack

Ohh I dunno, I laughed anyway








"The anus of Satan"...


Bloody hell :pac:

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

ceadaoin.

Pinch Flat wrote: »

Or just buy one of these

http://www.gadgetduck.com/goods/kneedefender.html

Or just accept that if you're on a flight with a reclinable seat, then someone is perfectly entitled to do so. Is it necessary on a short flight? Probably not but its public transport, deal with it.. If someone reclining their seat is going to bother you that much then pay for extra legroom.