Who are you?

Filmer Paradise

who who who who!

I feel a bit of a fraud on this forum as I'm a bit of a 'jungfellah'.

I'm almost 47 & have 2 kids. they're 10 & 5.

I'm married to Mrs Paradise, work in engineering & the way things are financially, I'll be in the workforce for a good time to come.

Anyway, that's enough info I'm willing to give for the mo, so.....

Who are you?*

*without being too nosey.

BrensBenz

Well, you whippersnapper you, I've already (ahem) revealed myself and I'm way too busy to go to the trouble of............well, OK.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=85526441

When I posted this expose, I was recovering from one of your Earth diseases and preparing to have another body part removed. Since then, I have returned to my home planet (Skerries - hub of the Cosmos) to be an unwilling target of chemical warfare, on a weekly basis, from pesky Klingons in nurses uniforms.

Since, by reason of age, you hardly qualify, there are several other criteria you may satisfy in order to be considered an oulfella - below. There is a points system in operation but details are secret and prone to change without notice. If you still feel that you qualify as an oulfella, you could try PMing our new Mod, Rubecula. He is all-knowing and has a motorbike:

• A propensity to store / hide / steal / consume alcohol;
• A soft spot for lettuce soup;
• Fundamentalistically extreme views on marzipan;
• Live in an area where cars are destroyed by airborne boats;
• An interest in burlesque;
• A genetic inability to post photos onto boards.ie;
• A shed / work pants with 17 pockets / socks with sandals / a trilby hat.

"Almost 47"??? Hrrrumffff. The cheek of ya. My sandals are older than you, ya bowsie ya.

Ts&Cs apply. BrensBenz is not authorised to dispense advice of any kind to anybody, loike everrrrr.

Filmer Paradise

BrensBenz wrote: »

Well, you whippersnapper you, I've already (ahem) revealed myself and I'm way too busy to go to the trouble of............well, OK.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=85526441

When I posted this expose, I was recovering from one of your Earth diseases and preparing to have another body part removed. Since then, I have returned to my home planet (Skerries - hub of the Cosmos) to be an unwilling target of chemical warfare, on a weekly basis, from pesky Klingons in nurses uniforms.

Since, by reason of age, you hardly qualify, there are several other criteria you may satisfy in order to be considered an oulfella - below. There is a points system in operation but details are secret and prone to change without notice. If you still feel that you qualify as an oulfella, you could try PMing our new Mod, Rubecula. He is all-knowing and has a motorbike:

• A propensity to store / hide / steal / consume alcohol;
• A soft spot for lettuce soup;
• Fundamentalistically extreme views on marzipan;
• Live in an area where cars are destroyed by airborne boats;
• An interest in burlesque;
• A genetic inability to post photos onto boards.ie;
• A shed / work pants with 17 pockets / socks with sandals / a trilby hat.

"Almost 47"??? Hrrrumffff. The cheek of ya. My sandals are older than you, ya bowsie ya.

Ts&Cs apply. BrensBenz is not authorised to dispense advice of any kind to anybody, loike everrrrr.

What's there to say? I've my life planned out. all my ambitions of playing for Arsenal being a Astonaut & owning a Giraffe have gone to pot.

I'll look at your're * points though...........

1 Yeah, i'm a total family guy, but my greedy streak comes to the fore when the wine is available.

2 No idea of the joys of this. so far.

3 As above.

4 I live inland

5 I never got that whole scene. How do people get 'Jazz'? Gay Byrne did. I didn't. Simple as.

6. I was the last generation to not 'get' the whole computer thing. I managed to be able to use a mobile phone & text. I just couldn't deal with the rest.

7.I'd love a shed! A proper one. I'm a very capable sort with cars. washing machines & all that. Socks with sandals, trilby Hat. Well that's like Madness on the beach.

Cant be having doing with that!

OldGoat

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

5 I never got that whole scene. How do people get 'Jazz'? Gay Byrne did. I didn't. Simple as.

BANNED


Oh feck, I lost my banstick. Rubecula can you ban this jungfella for not liking jazz? I'm sure I put that in the forum charter.

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/02/27/jazz-appreciation-for-beginners/

BrensBenz

OldGoat wrote: »

Rubecula can you ban this jungfella for not liking jazz?

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/02/27/jazz-appreciation-for-beginners/

Emmmm, there's different types of jazz:

You know the sort of jazz where there's a band and all sorts of instruments, and your foot taps, and the musicians are playing variations on the same tune, in the same key, and, if there's a singer, he / she is kept under control, and they look like they're having a good time? I like that!

You know the sort of jazz where there's a drummer using paint brushes, a double bass player who insists on doing a solo, and some other "star" on maybe a piano or trumpet, and when he plays a wrong note he plays it again and again to try to make it look like that bum note was deliberate, and they all have black goatees, polo necks, slacks and white socks, and it looks like they've never met before and are ignoring what the other players are playing, and the stream of almost right notes goes on and on and on but, when it finishes, you can't remember any of it? Can you be banned for not being too keen on that cr@...I mean type of jazz?

OldGoat

BrensBenz wrote: »

Can you be banned for not being too keen on that cr@...I mean type of jazz?

Yep. Rubes, here's another one for the Banschtic.

JuliusCaesar

BrensBenz wrote: »

[*

1. ]A propensity to store / hide / steal / consume alcohol;
2. A soft spot for lettuce soup;
3. Fundamentalistically extreme views on marzipan;
4. Live in an area where cars are destroyed by airborne boats;
5. An interest in burlesque;
6. A genetic inability to post photos onto boards.ie;
7. A shed / work pants with 17 pockets / socks with sandals / a trilby hat.

1. Yep! Have to hide it or the rest of yiz would have it away!
2. huh???
3. Yum! Love the stuff!
4. What?! Replace 'airbourne boats' by 'gurriers' and we're there.
5. Yes, deffo, great stuff altogether! No jazz included!
6. Why would I even try?
7. Yes I have a work outfit. It consists of an ancient and holy pair of jeans, and a paint-splattered sweatshirt. Sock with sandals, sure it's only sensible.

OldGoat

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

No jazz included!

/apoplectic
Et tu Brute Julius?

BrensBenz

OldGoat wrote: »

Yep. Rubes, here's another one for the Banschtic.

Just tried to "improve" myself by sitting in front of a Radio 3 jazz programme:

Dum dummy dum dum dummy dooo dawwwww dummy dum pweeeeeeeeeeee dooo dumdumdummy gooooweeee.........(several decades later)........fah.....fah....fah....fah.....fweeeeeeee fo feh fooooofoooooo fawww fawwwwwwww.

Then we had the inevitable drum solo, on paint brushes but we were spared the double bass solo - aaaahhhhhhhh! But then, the superstar started again, but in a different key, so now they're ALL in different keys.......and tempos! But, by way of lipstick on a pig I mean gild on a lily, one of these "artists" started humming, in yet another key!

You know how painful it is when you play two neighbouring keys on a piano? Imagine FOUR wrong notes, then another FOUR wrong notes, out of time, etbluddycetera, for twenty minutes!

I'm off to the bathroom to almost turn off a tap and listen to the drip drip drip. Oh, maybe if I almost turn off two taps, I can have the drip drip drip in stereo. How about adding a solo from the smoke alarm.....with the Woof howling?

Janey Mac, I think I might be coming around to this modern jazz stuff. It's better than rap!

looksee

Huh, I go away for a weekend and what do I come back to? Anarchy! I might even crib about this thread going off topic, but I am not sure it has a topic to be off.

Anyway I will offer my - as yet brief- life for your consideration. I am just shy of 40, quite petite with blue eyes and dark blonde hair. I am a bit of a jet-setter, between my cottage in Scotland, my pad in Italy and occasional breaks in Ireland. I made my fortune by selling my very popular social networking website and can now live on the proceeds. My yacht does not fly but it does potter around the med very happily, I can't say too much about it as too many of my circle prefer their anonymity when having a bit of r&r. Haven't time for any more, my friend's jag is at the gates, he is going take me off to dinner, I will catch up on the modding later...

Jellybaby1

1. An addiction to tea
2. An addiction to sugar
3. An addiction to chawwwwwwwwcolate, but I am winning that battle!
3. Aversion to brussel sprouts. Seriously folks nothing you can suggest will make them taste any better!
4. Live in an urban sprawl in da big schmoke
6. Like most types of music except diddly-eye schtuff
7. Follow Time Team and watch Phil and Mick disagree on trenches, test pits and the like
8. Rattle mods' cages from time to time just for kicks

P.S. Looksee fibs!

Gonad

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy – the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really

looksee

Lol, I have just read my previous contribution to this thread, which I had totally and utterly forgotten about, I presume this amnesia has something to do with my now being 42?

honeybear

I think I’m going to like this thread

I'm 47 and still single.

regret not emigrating, especially reading about unemployed teacher who posted a thread in another forum

• My favourite cinema. "The Screen" is demolished.
• Old and Wise enough not to give any credibility to Trip Advisor
• All Hobby shops in the Midlands have shut for business or no longer deal with it