Loneliest guy in Ireland - Anxiety

RMUCKY

I know I am not 'literally' the loneliest guy in Ireland, thank God haha, but I am sure as hell close!.

Well what can I say, I am just turning 20, and I am the loneliest person I have EVER known.
I do suffer from such diagnosis such as Depression, OCD, General and Social Anxiety, etc.
Naturally they have all hindered my life, but I shall save all about them for another thread another time.

Due to all them, I have lose touch with all my past friends. I always was a shy character, but I am just so lonely.
Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays are the worst days of the week, when everybody is out and your just stuck inside being suffocated by anxiety. Up until perhaps 2 or 3 years ago I would have been someone who was out drinking and smoking have a laugh on the weekend, with friends.

Now I have no friends, I know things have changed and people change I grant that, but the sheer complexity of making friends for me is all too much. I have tried so much to treat my anxiety;
I have gone to stupid social events, joined (and since quit) clubs, went to my counsellors, GP, Psych, group therapy, been on many different SSRI's meds in over the last few years, done CBT, I have done so much and yet my anxiety is just... it just never goes.. and it pains me to write this.

The profound sense of loneliness I get in me constantly. My anxiety always gets the best of me, I can't beat it.

The loneliness my mind and others in the past have put me through is a state I would not wish on my own worst enemy!

I miss having friends, or just having someone to catch a movie with, or having someone to sit down with a have a chat, just having someone to even laugh with! Sometimes I get so lonely I leave the door and windows open just to hear the passing noises and voices from the road.
More often then not my mind intrusively makes me wonder and I do have to question though, why must I be so unbelievably ugly and lonely? Is my future to be a lonely old man full of regret and sadness?.
I changed my life around, quit doing bad stuff, yet all I got was more and more lonely. I was lonely yesterday. I am lonely today. I will be lonely tomorrow. I just wish even one person would enter my life and be my friend or something.

So I guess I just wrote this thread out of anxious instinctive, I don't know.
So I guess I'd like to know of anyone in a similar position in Ireland?

Well, I shall end on;
"I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me.
So I wore a mask that always smiled,
To hide my feelings behind a lie."

Blue Iris

That's very tough for you OP. You communicate your emotions well. You have really tried and it's understandable that you feel things can never change. I think it's worth trying another form of therapy, maybe something more relational like person centred. For it to work you'd have to feel a close connection with the therapist. You might get more out of group therapy even though it would be hard for you to go.

There's an organisation called Headstrong. It might be easier to make friends with other young people who have also experienced anxiety and therefore understand what you're going through. Best of luck.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

acuriouscat

Loneliness is the worse feeling one can ever experience. It's a feeling that the whole world is just carrying on without u,everyone's out having fun and living and your just stuck in this world on your own

RMUCKY

Thank you all for replying, it means a lot to me during this dull, lonely period in life for me as of late.
I am glad I could find good points in all replies.

I see some of you can relate to my pain of sheer loneliness or worthlessness, I am truly sorry you all unfairly had and have to suffer a similar fate, I feel your pain.

I agree, many times with therapists it's about whether you click with them or not. Or even with different medications, alot of them are trial and errors y'know?.

Thank you all for having hope in me that there is a possibility, even if I can't personally see it through this lonely dark cloud, but there is hope none the less that life can inevitably get better for me.

In the mean time I'll be what I am, a solitary man.
Maybe people will enter my life, maybe I will met new people, whatever the case my be.
Maybe I am too depressed lately or too depressed tonight to take it all in, but sure, thats life....

RMUCKY

acuriouscat wrote: »

Loneliness is the worse feeling one can ever experience. It's a feeling that the whole world is just carrying on without u,everyone's out having fun and living and your just stuck in this world on your own

I am truly sorry to hear you have experienced the same, I really would not wish this feeling on anybody! .
I feel your pain. I've been so lonely. So alone. I've been broken. I am now a lost and lonely soul wandering a road of broken dreams. Bitter, sad. low..
It's the lonely people who can't sleep. Hence, I am so tired, of everything.
I am tired of this the loneliness, anxiety, depression, obsessions, broken heart, sadness.
Everything. Loneliness truly is the scariest thing there is.

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
Weep, and you weep alone"

silverfeather

I really was very moved by what you wrote. I feel you must be a terribly interesting and sensitive person. Which makes it all the more sad the world is missing out on you.

Can you reach out to family etc?

You are not ugly etc. That is your conditions eating at you.

Persist with your therapies. And reach out.

Please keep trying and have faith in life and you.

Sound Bite

Hi OP, I'm not sure if can offer your any helpful advice but I was struck by your post.

You are clearly very articulate and gifted with words & language. Your opening post is excellently written and eloquent beyond your years.

Is there anyway that you could use such a strong talent to connect with others? Creative writing classes? anything that includes expression? drama classes?

I'm not sure how best to use it, perhaps you could tease it out a little more yourself, but you have a talent & flair for expression and words....it would be a shame not to use it & a group based activity which allows us to use these skills might be a start.

Best of luck to you.

Rubberchikken

hi op
it's good to be aware that you're lonely and you've done so many things to try and 'fix' it but maybe the clubs etc just weren't the right things for you.

doing something you're truly interested in is often the best way to meet like-minded friends. you are good with words and able to get your point across well so would you be able to look for something in line e.g. writing classes, drama, theatre group?
also, a lot of groups dealing with vunerable teens are crying out for volunteers. could you see if there is anything like that in your area?

i'm not saying any of this is going to be the solution or even a bit of help, but no one is going to come to us, we have to get out there and make of life what we can.

good luck

Est28

Hey OP,
So I understand where you're coming from. I was never an extroverted person. I was never loud and at times, being around people drains me, I can be quiet. I also totally understand the weekends being HORRIBLE. I've been there.

I moved abroad a few years ago and at times knew nobody and coming into the weekend was a terrible feeling.

Now, all of that said. I still have my moments. I'm away from home, maybe there's nobody around sometime and loneliness creeps in and it really gets to me for a bit. I've learned to weather it though.

But here's where you need to look at yourself. What is your behaviour like? You sound down and depressed. Maybe you feel that way but do you talk and act to people that way too? It's a big turnoff. There was a time, I used think that if people realized how lonely I was, they'd include me. But it has the opposite effect. It actually drives people away because you seem so miserable and the burden is 100% on them to make you happy. Everyone has their own worries, they won't do it.
If you could at least buck up enough and "pretend" a little around people, it would actually begin to rub off and really feel better when they want to be around you.

It's just the whole tone. Like, the little poem at the end. If someone asked you today "How are you?"... Would you reply with a sad little poem? Because it comes off... odd. Nobody wants to be around that pity me person, you have to buck up.

clannad100

RMUCKY I can so identify with what you have written especially the anxiety aspect, I know it can be crippling and unless someone goes through it they have no idea how it affects you, I suspect you are suffering from depression as I am and are isolating yourself which is very common with this illness. I would advise you to go to you doctor and <SNIP> before attending a group session, this is what I had to do but unfortunately it only lasted a while.

I spend all my time alone every day in my house almost scared to go out and it does make for a lonely depressive existence.

I hope you find some strength within you Rmucky you are definitely not alone.

Take care hun x

dudara

@clannad100 -Welcome to Boards, please note that medical advice is not permitted on Boards, hence I have edited your post.

I'd recommend reading the forum charter to familiarise yourself with the forum. Welcome once again.

dudara