Should I tell him ?

LegacyUser

I'm at odds over whether I should tell someone who at one time I considered my best friend how **** he's been to me over the past few months

I had some issues that led to me dropping out of college. Long story short I've barely heard a thing from this guy in the past 8 months. Even a while before that I noticed I was the one making the effort with us, asking him to come over to mine, going out etc

The only contact I've had from him since september was a text on stephens' day saying he was going out, and a call about 6 weeks ago asking if I'd go see a play of his. I didn't respond to him on stephens' night, but did meet him later in the night. We were around other people from our group so I was "normal" with him that night.

He's in college only about a half hour from home and not once did he ask me to come down for a few days or anything. He's asked other mutual friends over in the same period, and it makes me feel so **** that he didn't ask me.

When i dropped out last september i sent him a message saying i had something to tell him and to let me know when he was free so i could send the message. No response.

On stephens' night i was going to tell him about me dropping out and the whole story, he said he already knew. In my head I was thinking "why the fuvk didn't you say something to me then"

2 years ago he was in a very similar situation, and by god i made sure i was there for him. which is why him being missing the last few months has felt so bad

I'm finally getting on with life though and things in general are looking up for me. But I have a chip on my shoulder about this guy that I can't get rid of. Part of me wants to call him and invite myself over or something because I really do miss the lad. An even bigger part of me wants to just eff him out of it for how **** he has been for me.

Would effing him out of it do me any good though ? I'm ready to burn bridges with him and forget him completely, but I really want to leave the bomb on his side before i burn the bridge if you get me

All help is greatly appreciated Thanks

Tina82

he obviously doesn't consider you a good friend... anybody that wants to be in your life will make the time and the effort. Personally i would cut my losses and not waste my time and energy with someone like this!! Move on and let go....bitterness is not a good thing....it eats people up inside.

Milly33

Id say let him off, sounds like you will be the only one getting burned or more upset if you leave the bomb on his side.. Nicely put!!

Maybe try and get rid of your anger towards him which is defiantly hard I know..
Try writing it all down or vent here.. Could write it down put the note into a bottle and then go feck it off into the water or something..Just to get it out of your system or burn it....

Try to not let it eat you up..
Some people just don't get it, and not that they mean to be nasty, but they see themselves as more important or just that well it is all about them..

Had a very similar friend who I was always there for, even put my own life on hold for a while to be there for her, and she knew this as she said it before...

And well she would brush me away anytime she wanted to or when a new girl came along because Im not that cool... She made me feel like I was the wrong one and made me question myself.

Id get calls from her saying hi how are things? Great do you want to call, me and so and so have had a few drinks and ran out and were thinking you could pick up some on your way! Nice ehh, or that she would be down the road in the park with her kids I mean two seconds away and not bother calling....

Broke my heart but to be honest I said feck it, I will always be her friend and there for her but by no means would I go out of my way or do any favours for her or go out of my way for her

retro:electro

In fairness to him, and I do feel for you with this one, but you didn't reply to his message on Stephens night. He could have taken this as you can't be bothered meeting him and you've moved on with your life. He met you out that night and thought "oh he didn't reply to me but he went out anyway", maybe he's hurt by that and has decided to let you do your own thing. Get in touch with him and ask him over for a chat, no "effing him out of it", that'll get you nowhere. It seems like there was a lot of miscommunication on both sides.

Big Bag of Chips

Sometimes friendships drift apart. That's it. Have you posted here before about this fella? Some of the details are pretty familiar. Anyway, let it go. This is a friendship that fizzled out. You say you were there for him when something similar happened him.... Did he want you there? Did he request you to be there as his support or did you take it upon yourself to be his shoulder to cry on? Just because you were there for him through something a few years ago doesn't automatically mean you are entitled to have him there for you.

As life moves on people go in different directions, life becomes busier. I'm guessing you relied heavier on him for friendship than he relied on you. It's very common for people to have a "best friend", but that the "best friend's best friend" is actually someone else, not you.

Leave the friendship with dignity. You're young. Think 5, 10 years down the line where you've both moved on, matured, settled into relationships etc. Do you want to say or do something now that you might be embarrassed about a little further down the road.

Having it out with him isn't going to solve anything. It's not going to make you feel better. It's not going to make him want to be your "best friend" again. If anything it's going to confirm to him that the friendship drifting apart and fizzling out was the right move, because you're too much drama!

Let it go, now. In 10 years time he'll be someone you used to know.

grumpynerd

its never worth it. Just let things fall naturally. it sounds like maybe you were asking more than he had to give though.

friends can only give so much. people only have so much energy to manage their own lives let alone help others through big crises.

orthsquel

You're getting on with your life.... why the need so to stir up drama and conflict between ye in a massive confrontation? You miss him as a friend, but you're prepared to burn your bridges with him and therefore ensuring that even in the future in a different frame of mind, you'll never be friends again because of actions of your own. That might be something that you might want to think about.

I don't think it's worth giving him grief - he most likely won't respond the way you want him to, most likely won't gain anything from it yourself (except give yourself something you might regret) and will probably close the door on ever being friends again, in the future, if your lives were in a different place.

tbh it's much easier just to move on along yourself without giving yourself extra drama or stress or something you might regret. In 6 months time you might find yourself reflecting on it and either thinking back with regret over what you said and trying to do something about it, or being glad you just got on with your life without saying anything. Who knows, even in 6 months time you might even appreciate the space they gave you when you dropped out or actually even understand why they did from their point of view.

silverfeather

blankmind wrote: »

2 years ago he was in a very similar situation, and by god i made sure i was there for him. which is why him being missing the last few months has felt so bad

Sorry that you were in such a situation OP. You sound like a good friend.

I know how it feels to be there for people and not have it reciprocated. I can understand when people have kids etc. But last year I had a serious family illness and earlier this year I was in Hospital myself out of the blue suddenly. I got friends asking me how I was about my Dad etc. Even that was all it was over the net or whatever. It shows you who cares and who is worth taking time with. I don't mind if people have their own stuff going on. But I will never forget who was there for me. It meant a lot. And I cherish those people. I know friendships stretch and people go off for a bit and come back. But you can tell the difference.

Don't make drama. But cherish those you love.

grumpynerd

always remember people can't be trusted or relied upon. people are hardwired to be self-involved. Never assume someone likes you as much as you like them.

once in a blue moon you'll find an exception but alas, we mostly travel these roads alone.

MagicMarker

TBH I'm not seeing what the issue is here. You've clearly grown apart, it happens.

Matteroffact

I think you need to just forget about this guy and stop trying to make him into something he is not....a friend.
Telling him what you think of him will do no good and I am a great believer in "silence speaks volumes". Don't bother yourself with him anymore and let nothing he does or doesn't do surprise or annoy you. Just be indifferent as far as he is concerned.