reached breaking point

LegacyUser

I can't believe I am writing about this again but here we go.

I've been with my partner for almost 10 years. A few years ago I found out he was having a string of internet affairs that involved not only watching cams etc but also full blown sex cam sessions with people all over the world. Needless is to say I was floored about this.

I am no saint and, unfortunately, cheated on him many years ago in a moment of weakness. I was very promiscuous (which I do not regret by the way) before I met him and I guess that facet of mine came through then. Just to be clear I have never, in my entire life regretted something so badly and I still feel bad and guilty about what I did.

After I found out about the internet thing I came clean about the cheating and it was, and still is, once of the hardest most horrible thing I have ever had to do.

With great difficulty we got through it it. But this is where it starts getting bad.
The cam sessions did not stop and last year i found out he cheated on me and kept a video of him having sex with this woman.

I kicked him out but I got really sick (only a few days later) and he was there for me and we pushed through it, again.

Now I come to find out that he is back to his old tricks with the webcams etc.
I had told him in the past that maybe if he talked to me about it before he did it again it would be easier for me and that I maybe would be able to accept him doing it every once in a while, and honestly it this is something that I would be able to do.
However, this skulking around behind my back etc this I cannot accept.

He has a history of keeping things from me and then I get into trouble, but I have always made excuses and stayed.

My biggest issue is that I am financially dependant on him and I have nowhere to go, I am in my mid 30's and going home is not an option.

I feel I have 3 options:
1. Live with this and wait until I am financially independent (I have no idea when this will happen)
2. Get out now and live under the bridge I guess
3. Move home and live off my parents until I can find some work (which is near to impossible from where I am from)

I turn to you because I feel I cannot talk to anyone.

Thank you for reading

silverfeather

needhelp32 wrote: »

However, this skulking around behind my back etc this I cannot accept.

He has a history of keeping things from me and then I get into trouble, but I have always made excuses and stayed.

My biggest issue is that I am financially dependant on him and I have nowhere to go, I am in my mid 30's and going home is not an option.

Hey OP.

Have some faith in yourself. LEAVE!

The world is not so tough. You're tougher.

People cannot be kept. You are not a possession. When you say 'i get into trouble'. What do you mean? Is he abusive ? By that I mean beyond the cheating?

You have both a history of being unfaithful. You have to ask yourself why are you with him?

It's not an open relationship. If you love someone you don't cheat. You guys are in a very negative relationship.

He was there for you when you were sick so he is not all bad I guess. But you can't be in a relationship with this guy. You should leave him now before you lose the nerve to. That's my opinion.

LegacyUser

The cam thing. Its just porn. Maybe a little more exciting porn because its interactive. Like a computer game is more interactive than a film. But it amounts to the same thing. I dont think its a big deal. Nothing physical is going to happen. The girls in them are in a different country. There is no real connection. They will never meet. Its porn with girls that you can interact with a little. Like when in a computer game you can press a button and something happens, but its not really real. Like a film you can control. Think of it the same as him watching a porn film. It means as much.

You cheated. Then he cheated. He forgave you, then you forgave him, and then as far as you know no one cheated since.

Colser

Save yourself from a life of hurt,suspicion and heartbreak OP and get out now..He will never change imo and you will spend your life wondering what he is up to every time you turn your back.Its really not worth it and it will take its toll on you physically and mentally.
I would opt to move back with your parents but even living under a bridge will make you happier than living with him.Good luck.

LegacyUser

randomcat wrote: »

The cam thing. Its just porn. Maybe a little more exciting porn because its interactive. Like a computer game is more interactive than a film. But it amounts to the same thing. I dont think its a big deal. Nothing physical is going to happen. The girls in them are in a different country. There is no real connection. They will never meet. Its porn with girls that you can interact with a little. Like when in a computer game you can press a button and something happens, but its not really real. Like a film you can control. Think of it the same as him watching a porn film. It means as much.

You cheated. Then he cheated. He forgave you, then you forgave him, and then as far as you know no one cheated since.

Well not really since he has a relationship with these girls, they are always the same ones. He also spends a lot of time getting videos of them and keeping them in alphabetical and chronological order I might add.
He keeps videos of the session with these women and has, at least in the past, now I don't know, spend money on video sessions with them.
In fact because of this once my CC was hacked and money was stolen from me because of this. This is one of the examples where he hid things from me and in the end I was the one left in the gutter.
And if it wasn't such a big deal why word he keep hiding it after all the talks we've had.

Blue Iris

I agree with Colser. I read your post yesterday but didn't answer as I got stuck at the 3 options you gave and each seemed to be equally as bad as the other! I had a think this morning and it struck me that leaving is the best option but you need shelter! Citizens advice give confidential information. Meet with someone there and lay out the dilemma and they should be able to give you advice about housing. Best of luck.

shaymus27

I think you need to move home and live with your parents until you get your head right.

Pride is a terrible thing when your are desperate.

I have been homeless due to pride and I would advise against being too proud to seek help.

Enduring family members that might suffocate you is far preferable to having no home or sleeping on couches in friend's houses.

You may have been independent from your family for a while now and it is hard to go back to living at home and feeling, even if they don't say it "while you're under our roof". I know people who have moved back home with their parents while their houses were being built (sold their house and built their house on a rural site) and fell out with their parents, but it is a risk you have to take.

It's not until you come face-to-face with homelessness that you really appreciate having somewhere to live, even if it means going back home. Ego and pride can be dangerous things. Don't let pride get in the way of thinking straight about the need for somewhere to live. I did once and I regretted it.

silverfeather

He will never change. Leave him go anywhere go to your parents anywhere. People like him don't see people as beings just as things. He will never change I promise. Leave him.