Need opinions

Bammmmm

Hey everyone, looking for some advice. Meet a guy roughly feb/March this year out one night. We exchanged numbers and arranged to meet again. All went well when we met up and I felt like we had hit it off straight away. He done all the chasing, he would always message first, always ask to meet etc which to me seemed like he was also interested. Fast forward to two weeks ago we decided to go out to the same venue, me with my friends and him and his friends. The nerves kicked in beforehand as I was meeting his friends and decided to have one too many to relax - never a good idea. A couple of hours later (drinks still flowing) we arrived back to his house to have more (yes more) drinks. Things got a bit heated, which I vaguely remember and I said some stupid things about being in a relationship with him and accused him of making no effort (which was completely wrong ). He ended it a few days later through text seemingly because of my drunken behaviour. I have reached out and apologised to him but have gotten no where, do you think I should try again or leave it be? Also if you were him do you think you would react this way, or maybe there could be another reason to end it and he was looking for an excuse?

Oryx

To be honest I think that was a good enough reason to put him off. It was early days, you got drunk and messy, he saw a side of you he didnt like, and cut his losses. You may chalk this one up to experience I'm afraid.

DoYouEvenLift

Leave it be.


Put yourself in his shoes. Would you honestly respect someone you were looking to date who got completely drunk this early on and started talking sh!te to you? You might only even remember parts of what you said overall. Plus the fact he did it over text says it all really.


Confront your nerves and deal with them next time. Using alcohol as a crutch will never allow you to grow past them. Oh, and don't get plastered before you're even in a relationship with the guy. Stay classy!

seventeen sheep

Well I'd imagine things may have already been looking shaky if you were leaving him to do all the "chasing" up to that point, what happened that night may have only been the final straw. I'd take whatever lessons you can from the whole experience and move on.

Stavro Mueller

I think you had done damage before that by leaving him to do all the chasing. Why was that by the way? Are you one of those "treat 'em mean keep 'em keen" people? He probably felt a bit aggrieved that he was the one who always text first. So to then turn around and accuse him of making no effort would've been like running salt in the wound.

Rubberchikken

leave it go. you made a mistake so don't keep beating yourself up but you have an opportunity to learn from this so please try.
take care

Saralee4

It's hard to know without knowing exactlywhat you said to him but from what you said in your OP, I dont think you did anything unforgiveable.

you got drunk and said a few stupid things which you honestly regret. You took responsibility and apologised. There are a few reasons why he finished it; you put him off by being drunk, you brought up relationship, he thinks your high maintenance. Whatever the reason, you've done all you can do. Your not perfect and we all make mistakes so don't worry about it and move on.

I would not advise on contacting him again since you have already apologised and if that wasn't sufficient for him then there's nothing you can do.

catonthewire

Hi OP,

I don't think in all honesty he was looking for an excuse to end it, you only met a few months ago and appeared to be getting on really well...
It would appear he was shocked by your drunken outburst and this has put him off any further contact with you....
Don't be too harsh on yourself, it's obvious that you are gutted and regret drinking so heavily...
However perhaps you can learn from it , booze can't be relied on to steady nerves as there is a risk of going overboard...

Just leave him alone , you reached out and apologised, which was the decent thing to do...
Perhaps he's just really embarrassed and annoyed and when he calms down may contact you....
If not just try and learn from the mistake....

castle

Everyone deserves to make a mistake and as you say you got nervous drank to much should you be hung drawn a court Marshalled ,no you don't so ask him out for a meal,Flicks somewhere you are not going to get drunk, one life if he is nice then go for it and if he does not respond to you then keep this for future and learn from it. It is only a mistake if you actually learn from it, best of luck

shaymus27

He had drank also.

You were probably a bit frustrated at not having met up more since you first met and it came out when you were drunk. You are entitled to feel frustrated about this but talking about it while drunk was a mistake.

Going back to someone's house who you barely know while drunk is not a good idea for a woman in my view.

If you want a proper relationship with someone try seeing them without alcohol being involved. You need to see them sober and talk like adults to find out if you can get along with them without having to have consumed alcohol.

dearg lady

shaymus27 wrote: »

Going back to someone's house who you barely know while drunk is not a good idea for a woman in my view.

I'd have to question why this a female specific issue?

OP, I agree with the other posters, chalk this one down to experience. I don't think there's anything you can say that will change his mind

IlmoNT4

Just leave it.... chalk it down to a life lesson and meet someone for coffee next time.

Dont be too hard on yourself OP, it wasnt to be. You probably came across as a bit full on, was he even your boyfriend, or just someone you had met once?

Take this time to reflect on your own behavior... getting involved with someone isnt a game of who chases who and who texts first, all that is nonsense. If you like someone and they like you, it'll be easy.
We dont know much about the fella but he broke up with you over text message...thats not very nice either, so maybe you dodged a bullet.

blatantrereg

I have reached out and apologised to him

That's all you can do. He knows you're sorry and still interested. Anything else you do will be pushy and will make him extremely put-off.

shaymus27

dearg lady wrote: »

I'd have to question why this a female specific issue?

OP, I agree with the other posters, chalk this one down to experience. I don't think there's anything you can say that will change his mind

I didn't write that it was a female specific issue. The OP is a female so I wrote advice aimed at her, she is a female.

I haven't heard of too many men being attacked by women but I have read about women being attacked by men.

In the over-intellectualised world of politically correct equality thinking my comment may appear as an offence to male and female specific issues.

I prefer to live in the real world and would advise women to be careful about going back to a male's house when they hardly know them and are drunk.

I am more interested in trying to offer advice which includes preventing females from being hurt than interested in whether an issue is a male or female specific issue or having a go at other people's attempts at offering advice from their own unique perspective.