Not a nice person

noway12345

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Paddy Cow

I believe that everybody has a core personality that they can't change. You are who you are. However, this doesn't mean that you have to stay the same. With the right guidance, you can bring out the qualities that you do like in yourself and you can also change your thought processes to be more positive.

It takes a lot of hard work but it can be done. The first step is seeking professional help. Sometimes it takes an outside, impartial observer to help us see the woods for the trees.

I used to be very like you. Not liking myself much and always putting myself down. Through counselling, I learned to see things in a different way. At first, I hated counselling, as whenever I was negative, the counsellor would counter act with something positive. I thought they were just playing Devil's Advocate and saying nice things just to make me feel better but after a few sessions, I realised that what they were saying DID make me feel better.

I started giving myself a break and seeing things in a different light. Now I'm much more positive and while my life hasn't suddenly become perfect, I feel more at peace, if that makes sense.

One thing I learned in counselling is that I wasn't alone in how I felt (even though at the time I thought I was the only abnormal one and everyone else was happy). You would be surprised at the amount of "happy" people, who really aren't.

You've make the first step. You've admitted that there is a problem in your life and you want to change it. With a bit more work, you could make peace with your self.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you

grumpynerd

noway12345 wrote: »

I'm a horrible person. Some of the thoughts in my head are deranged. I don't do anything bad to people but I think loads of awful stuff. Even on boards.ie I annoy people. I don't know why. For years now I've not liked the person I am. I don't know how to change. My life is going nowhere, maybe I'm bitter. I would be described as quiet in real life. People are quiet because they have nothing important to say. Just a failure at life. Maybe life isn't for some people? Not designed to succeed at it.
Where to from here? Same thing over and over and over. You can't change who you are. Just feeling sorry for myself like an idiot. Do something about it because no-one else will. It's impossible to change from being ugly and useless though. All you can do is try, there's people in far worse situations. Help people out or focus on something. I'm just rambling, maybe I shouldn't post this.

Are you saying you have psychopathic thoughts? Or are you just miserable and bitter? One is very serious. The other is pretty common in life and very copeable with.

That you recognise you have deranged thoughts is a good thing though. It means youre probably sane.

If you think about harming others physically or sexually then its very serious but if its just self loathing and misanthropy then youre fine. Many of us have long patches of it. But it is fixable.

verywell

grumpynerd wrote: »

Are you saying you have psychopathic thoughts? Or are you just miserable and bitter? One is very serious. The other is pretty common in life and very copeable with.

That you recognise you have deranged thoughts is a good thing though. It means youre probably sane.

If you think about harming others physically or sexually then its very serious but if its just self loathing and misanthropy then youre fine. Many of us have long patches of it. But it is fixable.

Thinking does not make someone a bad person but the doing does.

Big difference between thinking and doing.

silverfeather

It depends on the a nature of the thoughts ...if you have disturbing thoughts I think you should see someone. We are not what we think though.

You can change but some professional help to do so might be wise.

OP - I would please ask you very carefully to consider what you mean by deranged thoughts. If they are somewhat dangerous, I would ask you to go get help immediately. Right this second, for your own safety and for others.

However if you mean just bad thoughts about people, then that isn't equally as serious, but you should still get get help.

There's some other small things that might help you, but the responsibility is all on you and you need to accept this -

1: Eat healthily. Eat regularly. I'm not sure what your diet is like, but eating right is extraordinarily important.
2: Exercise regularly. If you're not happy with your current condition, then you can change that through exercise.
3: Get yourself out more. Join groups. Get out of your comfort zone. Push yourself.
4: The most important: speak to a counsellor.

silverfeather

Op if you keep saying that you are useless it gives one an excuse to be that way. It is self defeating. It does not matter what you do or how small the contribution ...try anything. Little steps. Start with being kinder to yourself. Next time you see someone give them a smile. :-)

If your thoughts are something you know you should seek help with please do. The samaritans are there.

So long as you hurt no one do what you wish. That also includes not hurting you though.

Let bad thoughts go ...they hurt no one but you.

You sound like you have low self esteem. I can't imagine how it feels to listen to that negative internal dialogue. Let that go.

grumpynerd

silverfeather wrote: »

Op if you keep saying that you are useless it gives one an excuse to be that way. It is self defeating. It does not matter what you do or how small the contribution ...try anything. Little steps. Start with being kinder to yourself. Next time you see someone give them a smile. :-)

If your thoughts are something you know you should seek help with please do. The samaritans are there.

So long as you hurt no one do what you wish. That also includes not hurting you though.

Let bad thoughts go ...they hurt no one but you.

You sound like you have low self esteem. I can't imagine how it feels to listen to that negative internal dialogue. Let that go.

All lifeforms store up good and bad vibes...these electric patterns become biochemically imprinted snd before we know it theres a darkness about us. I get like that too but tje key is realise you can refresh yourself if you really want to.

Its important not to let it fester to the point of becomung an architect from blackrock

noway12345

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MrWalsh

Why don't you look at the positive things in your life? You have posted here about having a fiancé, looking forward to getting married, that's good stuff right?

Do you have a job, a pet, some interests?

Start doing things you like doing, challenge yourself a bit in a positive way, I'm just back from trying something new in the gym and though I was nervous trying something new, I did it anyway and it was good.

You have to do good things for yourself to generate positive thoughts IMO.

noway12345

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MrWalsh

If you're not happy in your relationship you should get out of it. Same goes for your job tbh.

I think you need to work on loving yourself a bit.

noway12345

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silverfeather

'I'm getting paid to marry someone.'

I am sorry hold on a sec. In what universe could this be healthy? How on earth could you be happy doing this? It sounds so shady and dodgy. Don't do it! Think of the risks. Think of how this will damage you.

noway12345

silverfeather wrote: »

'I'm getting paid to marry someone.'

I am sorry hold on a sec. In what universe could this be healthy? How on earth could you be happy doing this? It sounds so shady and dodgy. Don't do it! Think of the risks. Think of how this will damage you.

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Is what you're doing not illegal?

noway12345

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silverfeather

Do you know the saying if you marry for money you will earn it three times over? It's usually aimed at women. But it's actually one hundred times over. You will feel awful everyday of it. You will not be free. This other person that you have no feelings for? You will be legally tied to them.

You could get caught easily. Your personal life is basically ruined.

noway12345

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silverfeather

It's certainly not something a nice person does. Don't you think maybe your conscience is playing up and that is why you feel you are not a nice person?

noway12345

noway12345 wrote: »

Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. I've edited my previous posts.

Editing your posts won't hide the fact that you're doing something illegal and may be easily caught. Is it something you could potentially back away from?

noway12345

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noway12345

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silverfeather

Boneyarse is actually trying to help you.

triple nipple

My advice would be that you are too focused on yourself. Try thinking of others, maybe volunteering with the homeless or some kind of charity organisation. Think outwards rather than inwards. Then again I'm no shrink, so make of my advice what you will. Hope I've helped.

silverfeather

' Try thinking of others, maybe volunteering with the homeless or some kind of charity organisation. Think outwards rather than inwards. '

Agreed, I do it, it's not that it makes you this great person or anything. It doesn't but giving anything even a little thing to someone who can not repay you for no reason there is something that feels really fine about it. In a way it's selfish. It feels delicious. I am not saying it's the remedy for real issues. I know that's not true. But it exercises the better parts of yourself. And you feel you have the right to feel ok about yourself.

noway12345

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shaymus27

triple nipple wrote: »

My advice would be that you are too focused on yourself. Try thinking of others, maybe volunteering with the homeless or some kind of charity organisation. Think outwards rather than inwards. Then again I'm no shrink, so make of my advice what you will. Hope I've helped.

I agree with this post. Helping others can be good for you. If you help someone else you should value yourself more.

Life can be difficult when you have no money. I would imagine you are marrying because you are broke. Suppose you won half a million euro. Would you be happier and nicer to people as a result? I'd say you would be. Sometimes our life circumstances gets us down and we see ourselves as being our life circumstances rather than who we are or who we would like to be.

Doing something for others might help you get out of your head. People appreciating you should put a smile on your face.

Maybe change who ever is helping you if they aren't helping you enough.

shaymus27

noway12345 wrote: »

I always think that people who have anxiety or depression are too self obsessed. People like me worry about what people think of them when really they don't pass a seconds thought about us. It's apart of my theory that some people just aren't able for life.

There's a lot of truth in what you write. It is harder to cope with life if you are depressed or have low self-esteem. Things that other people would not be affected by will affect you.

The opposite is true also. If you manage to deal with your depression, improve your self-esteem, develop friendships, get a girlfriend, enjoy hobbies or social life then you will be better able to cope with life.

My point is not to see Depression and low-self esteem as being always huge and on-going. See your focus and challenge in life being to improve your self-esteem and cope better with depression.

I have read a tiny bit about neuro linguistic programming (NLP). What I gather from what I have read is that if your mind has been programming itself to be negative then the opposite can occur with guidance. Your mind can programme itself to be positive. I think the benefit to you would be just to become aware of how your mind has become so negative - how your mind works. You may not become a completely positive person - life circumstances can knock us back, but just being aware of how your mind works might help you.

MrWalsh

Id strongly advise you not to marry someone for money/visa.

Its illegal, even if you get away with it, you will only end up with a big legal headache down the line. You have to be separated for 5 years to get a divorce in Ireland, and its not cheap either. And what if she decides to get pregnant in that time, legally you will be the father named on the birth cert under Irish law. After divorce she could decide to hound you for spousal maintenance and live off you for as long as she likes. Its really madness.

But besides all that, what a ****ty way to treat your self esteem. Someone marrying you just to get a visa, not for love, then boxing yourself into a position that no decent woman will go near you for years until you are divorced, plus then always having it in your personal history as your "first" marriage. I dunno, it sounds horrible to me. Talk about choosing to beat your own self esteem up!!

Youre making bad choices. You really only have yourself to answer to on that. You need to start making positive choices for yourself and for others around you.

Penny Tration

Just to point out - a poster on the legal discussion forum gave the police enough information to identify you over a car fine.

Now you've admitted you're breaking yet more laws.

Are you seriously looking to be arrested?

If you think you're a bad person, you should stop making bad decisions.

noway12345

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Penny Tration

Whoa. Id suggest you calm down and read what I wrote.

I've no intention of reporting you to anybody at all. I don't care what you do because it doesn't affect me.

I'm trying to help you. I'm pointing out that one person has said that they reported you to the police. I do NOT agree with what they did.

My point is that, as they've already apparently given the gardai enough information to identify you, for YOUR sake, you should be extremely careful what crimes you admit to, because I'm sure you'd rather not be arrested, and I'd prefer you weren't, too.

noway12345

I'm sorry. I read it wrong. I'm losing it. I've asked boards.ie to delete all my posts. I've edited them all in this thread. If the person who quoted what I wrote could edit their post too I'd be greatful. It's safer just incase. I dont know what to do

MrWalsh

noway12345 wrote: »

I dont know what to do

Dont do illegal things and dont post/talk about your intention to do illegal things.

No wonder youre feeling down, hate to say it but you are your own worst enemy!! You need to chill out and do good stuff for yourself.

Its good really, the fact you are feeling such an emotional wreck about doing illegal things shows that you are a good soul really - maybe just a bit lost right now.

noway12345

I'm not Irelands most wanted or anything just to point out. I drove in the bus lane and I was considering the other thing. I might go help with some soup kitchen or something, only thing is I might need to eat there myself!!!! Once I get out of this financial situation and I get on new meds then I'll help loads of people. Anyone any ideas on making a few quick euros? All legal ideas of course.

MrWalsh

If you find the answer to that one you really will be a rich man!