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I need some advise...

  • 04-05-2015 2:35pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys,

    Long time poster but going anon for this. Been with my gf for the past year and a half or so. I'd go as far as saying I love her and can see myself with her for the long haul, she feels the same.

    It started off great, but gradually things are getting worse, she's started going to a counsellor as of two weeks ago to help herself with a lot of things. I think she has depression, she has bad attitude issues and a few other things. It took me a while after getting with her to realise she wasn't a very social person, a quiet person who doesn't have a lot of mates. But even at that, when she does go out with me or her mates she hates if it's more than one person with her. I'd be the complete opposite, I always had plans. It's gotten to a stage where if I mention I have plans or anything there's an issue or an argument. Yesterday I said I had a plan, it all boiled over which ended up her staying with me and me bailing on all my mates. Her reasoning was she was in a bad mood and didn't want to go home (she has a bad time at home, solely because she makes it bad for herself with her attitude and reactions). I spent the rest of the weekend with her and we agreed we'd do our own thing on Sunday. I personally think she exaggerated her mood and feelings to make me feel bad and not go out to instead stay with her, as her plans with her mate weren't happening.

    Gradually over the time I've been with her she's told me she's had suicidal thoughts, I think it's 3 times in the past month and she's tried OD'ing' previous to this. I've asked her to tell the counsellor but she won't in case it ends up with her family involved or something.

    The way she is, is affecting everything from work to family life to friends to our relationship.

    I really have no idea what more I can do, I've tried everything, tried doing my best, etc...


Comments

  • #2
    Engine No.9
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,128 ✭✭✭Engine No.9


    I spent 10 yrs in a relationship exactly, exactly like this. My ex was controlling, manipulative and made me feel so guilty for having friends and a life outside of her. Over time, kids became involved and leaving never became an option once I had wised up to her ways. My ex also tried to commit suicide, but that was more in mid-late teens, ever before I knew her.

    I had tonnes of friends. Literally hundreds. I now have 1, but only because I kept in contact with him and for the most part, kept that contact a secret from her, even though we never socialized any more.My confidence is shot, my weight has balloned and while I do online dating, I've only met up with one girl in the last 3 and a half years of being single.

    I'm sorry I've made this post all about me and not you OP, but I felt it prudent to tell you why I'm giving the following advice. RUN.

    Run far. You will resent her for the limitations she will and already has put on your life, love or no. And your love will quickly turn into something different. If you'd rather not hate her in the future and value your self respect, you'll do what I couldn't.


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