what to do from here

LegacyUser

i'm a 22 year old man

i'm finding if very difficult at the moment it has been building for a while but its finally hit my limit
i spend pretty much all my time outside of work alone
i have become heavily depressed and have developed anxiety

i have taken up cycling to try and keep myself busy but that can only do so much
i'm sitting here right now and my eyes are watering up
i'm just tired of being alone all the time but i'm too scared to go and do/join anything on my own.

has anyone here had or know someone with a similar issue to mine if so could they please
give me some advice on what to do please

thank you

catonthewire

Hi John.j

Firstly can I ask.if you would feel comfortable talking to a close family member about how low you are feeling?...
It's good to have support especially when you feel so alone ....
If this isn't possible, perhaps contacting Aware and speaking to one of their trained staff, they will give you a chance to talk freely and offer lots of advice on depression ect...

Perhaps getting out and meeting young people of your own age would give you more confidence in yourself...
WWW.meetup.com may be worth looking in, there is probably cycling groups , a chance to meet new people....

Please speak to someone asap, as I said either family, a friend or Aware..

...__...

Hi John I was like you still am a little bit you become institutionalised to being alone and struggle with it a lot.
The first things first we need to know what your situation is do you live alone rent etc? that can be a big part of the problem I shared a house and lived alone for a long time now I rent a house and don't have time to bless myself!! work hobbies everything from cleaning to fixing a leak on the roof takes your time up.

Ill be honost its hard to give you advice on making friends compromise is the real answer I have some friends who do my head in a lot of the time but they see me at my good and bad and point it out I have my mojo back now these days.
you need to find something to occupy your time alone for me it started with Netflix believe it or not Lillehammer You have to seize the day nearly saved my life!! reading too was good and try online dating so what if you send 100 messages and get no replies its the one girl who will message you that makes the difference inside you head it will register your human you have faults and there's a billion other people like you around the world!!
You need to make the best of every opportunity saying that it was so hard for me to do I was embarrassed everywhere I went drinking alone in clubs cause I had no friends to go out with was tough but it gets better with time. secret is not to go looking for it just be content and when it happens you will wish you had your "me" time again

IlmoNT4

Hi John

You sound like a cool person whos needs a little bit of help. If you are having a hard time with this, reach out to family and people in your life and talk about it. If you feel very bad, go and see your GP and maybe try some therapy. Therapy can act as a safe and supportive place for you to start building your confidence and self esteem. If you feel very low all the time, you probably do need a little bit of help, please dont be afraid to talk to people you know about this. Everyone experiences these feelings....The GP can help you with your anxiety if its very bad. Dont be afraid to talk to the doctor, they see this all the time and they understand how important your mental and emotional health is.


I understand what its like to be scared to go to things on your own, I use to be the same and what I did was I joined things as practice for joining things on my own. The first time is always the hardest. Do you think you could try joining something like a gym and start going to that on your own. (Thats where I started) Most of people go to the gym on their own, so its something you could practice and build up confidence.
Next port of call, you like cycling....awesome, look up cycling clubs in your area and join one. Again most people join cycling clubs on their own, you just have to turn up and head out with them and after that its just a matter of keep turning up and boom you'll make heaps of friends.
Other easy things to join is meetup.com...its an app that you download on your phone, and again loads of things like cinema trips, dinners etc where pretty much everyone comes alone. Just pick something you think you feel the most comfortable, like the cinema might be a good social things to go to.

I really get how hard this is, but the only way to improve things for yourself, is to just pick things you can be semi comfortable with and then go for it. You wouldnt get it right all the time, and you will come home feeling dejected etc but just stick with it and one day you'll have friends...thats how it worked out for me.

Good luck

Rubberchikken

hi op
it great that you're cycling in your free time. is there any running group in your area that you'd be interested in joining? cycling is great but it tends to be a solitary interest for a lot of people.

when you get a chance, talk to your gp.
is there anyone/group at work that you could head out with for a drink or meal?

it is tough to feel alone and especially when you're so young but with a bit of effort you can bring some friends into your life.

take care

Stavro Mueller

Before this, did you ever have friends in your life? How do you get on with your work colleagues? What are your living circumstances at the moment. Are you living at home with your parents, for example? Or away from home in a strange town where you know nobody? Are you living alone? If you gave us a little information on this, it might help.

I think cycling would be a good way to get out there and start meeting people. Join up a club and you'd be meeting people who've got a similar interest to you. Just be aware that it can take a while for friendships to form in any social groups but if you get talking to people and they see you're a face that's going to be around for more than one or two weeks, they open up.

I would worry that you're already self-diagnosing yourself as being heavily depressed and with anxiety. Have you been to a doctor over this?

Weekends are horrible if you're alone and feeling down. Especially a long one like this when the days are long and empty. Then you step outside the door and see happy families and couples.

Try not to wallow in the misery you felt last night but look at it as a turning point in your life. That you came to realise how empty and lonely your life is and that you want to change. There is lots you can do to make changes in your life but unfortunately you are the one who is going to have to do the legwork.

LegacyUser

Hi thanks for the replies,

i try give some more info i currently live with my parents
id rather not let them know i'm feeling this way i don't want them to worry
about me like that

i did have friends in the past but work and them getting relationships has pushed us away

my work colleagues are all a bit older than me 30+ we get on great it just i don't really see us hanging out.

ive only recently enough started cycling so i want to build up at bit before i go joining a club but i am deffo looking forward to joining it.

i have actually tried online dating with POF and dip in and out of it i went on one date and while it didnt work out it has given me a bit of a confidence boost to keep trying.

i sometimes say to myself that if it was easy enough to get a job i would like to move to a different city and start fresh i think that it would be much easier to go out to places on my own if i didnt run the risk it seeing anyone who i might know.

regarding going to a gp i think personally that i would rather say away from medication to fix the issue and try to fix it myself

i did avail of the free consuling offered by turn2me and i didn't really feel like it was helping me. i just felt a bit silly with how they approached the subject with doing varies stop and think excerices it just didnt seem to work for me so i cancelled the remaining sessions
someone else might have more use from them. i dunno maybe it was because its online based and not face to face



thanks again for the replies



i'll check out meetup and see

magicmushroom

John, would you consider moving out of your parents and renting a room in a house that has other people your age around?

Making some new friends is the key here I think, I have been in your situation (still am sometimes) and the best thing for me is getting out and socialising.
It's the only way to do it.

Tinder is also good for having a bit of a chat with someone, maybe try that instead of POF?

Stavro Mueller

John it’s good that you’ve had friends and get on fine with your colleagues. You’re able to get along with people and they seem to like you. That’s an encouraging sign. What seems to have happened to you is that you’re in a horrendous rut. It’s very to have this happen to you because 22 is an age where you’re growing up and may find that you don’t have much in common with your old schoolfriends any more. People have moved on, especially those who went to college and formed their own friendships.

The reason I suggested going to your GP wasn’t so that he could medicate your problems away but to possibly refer you to a therapist if you feel stuck.

The suggestion from magicmushroom about moving into a house share is a good one. After I left college I got a job in a town where I knew nobody. At that age all I could afford was a room in a house share but it was the best thing for me. The people I moved in with were lovely and we became friends. From there, I made friends with their friends and so on and so on. We used to go out to different things as well which was great. It made it far easier to meet new people in that town than if I’d been sat at home in a flat on my own.

shaymus27

Hi Op,

Over the last few months I have been interested in Boards. I have noticed from postings that there seems to be a large number of males of all ages who feel alone and who are lacking friendship and a social life. It almost seems like a mini-epidemic to me.

You are not alone in what you are feeling and going through so don't think that there is something wrong with you.

Anyone who lacks in friendship and social life will become down in themselves and the opposite is also true. If you develop friendships and a social life you will feel better.

You are unlucky that there aren't more people your own age in work.

The fact that your eyes are watering up due to loneliness seems to suggest you are a decent young male capable of feelings. This is a good sign as you are actually emotionally healthier than a lot of males who seem to be incapable of feelings.

Ring the Samaritans for a chat if you have no-one to talk to and want to talk to someone. If you don't relate to whoever answers the phone just ask to speak to someone else. They won't mind and it won't be a problem.

Anyone who has posted here is wishing you the best so you are not completely alone.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

thanks again for the replies.

i think one of my problems is that i'm extremely shy and very self conscience of myself and people around me.

i can get very nervous and feel very alone just walking down the street and see a person
that i know
i think to myself that they are thinking look at this looser hes always on his own what a loner

it hurts me a lot to think this so this then stops me from engaging with people.

i'm scared of not being accepted and being rejected i actually know that its unlikely but if it did happen i don't know what i would do at all.