Friend to officiate a wedding

Mimojo

Hello!

We are getting married in October and having a Civil Wedding in local registry office (immediately family only due to limited size of office and being late booking our wedding), and then reception for 80ish people afterwards. We would like to have a informal ceremony at the hotel for everyone attending, we had inquired with a priest but have been refused and we are too late to book a humanist as they dont have availability for the day.

Can you have a friend or family member officiate the ceremony? Does anyone have experience of this, is it an option?

Thanks :-)

MarieOC

I'm not 100% but 99,9% certain that as you'll already be married in the registry office you can have anyone you want stand up at the venue and perform a second ceremony

DavyD_83

Hiya,
As Marie said, if I'm reading things right, you will be officially married at the registry office.
Anything you do afterwards in the Hotel, whether led by a priest, humanist or pirate (my preferred suggestion) will essentially be just for show.
It is entirely up to you who you see as fit to lead the ceremony, or whatever proceedings you have planned.

We had considered this approach, an I had intended getting my uncle or a close friend who would be good at that sort of thing to kind of MC any little ceremony that we would have had for friends & family. Had assuemd he would introduce things, invite people to speak or read stuff (either pre-arranged or just if somebody wanted to say something), and then we would exchange our own vows etc.
We would have done the Registry office in the morning; I saw it as doing the legal bit in Registry office, and romantic bit (with no legal impact) in a nice place with friends & family.

In the end we went with a humanist ceremony (as they were approved just in time), and had it all in one.
But I still think the other way would have been nice. And in a way may have been even more special with somebody we had connection to over-seeing.

Short version: Do what you want. at some point you need to sign papers with an approved person to make it legally binding, but everything else is up to you

PhoenixParker

MarieOC wrote: »

I'm not 100% but 99,9% certain that as you'll already be married in the registry office you can have anyone you want stand up at the venue and perform a second ceremony

This. Anyone you like can do it, since the ceremony has no legal standing.

There are also unregistered celebrant organisations who do it if you want to pay someone/someone with a bit of training. Google throws up a few options.

If you could track down a humanist in training they might like to do it as a bit of practice. There is someone in training to be a solemniser who posts her, maybe she'd be interested?

Mimojo

Thanks everyone, much appreciated! So really we can get anyone we like to do it. Just thinking it would be nice to have someone we know say a few words, I guess we would need to agree an order of service and what we want to do, just though it would be nice and personal. We will have the legal bit done in the morning so its really just to have a type of “ceremony” that all our guests can attend and be part of.

PhoenixParker wrote: »

If you could track down a humanist in training they might like to do it as a bit of practice. There is someone in training to be a solemniser who posts her, maybe she'd be interested?

We would be delighted to find a solemniser in training who might be willing to hold a ceremony for us – thanks for the advice

Has anyone ever been to a ceremony carried out by a friend of the couple, and how did it work out?

Milly33

I was just going to say look at the thread about the wedding fair, a few threads down.. She is in training might be something for her.Loverly lady I would say or she might be able to help you out

pwurple

Mimojo wrote: »

Has anyone ever been to a ceremony carried out by a friend of the couple, and how did it work out?

I've been to a few.

It's usually really lovely. When the person doing the ceremony is a trained public speaker and well able to give the ceremony a reasonably serious tone, without it being stuffy, still very personal.

However, one was a disaster, person had a few drinks I'd say, to loosen up. Did not go well.

I've been to one where the couple did their own ceremony without any officiant. They both broke into giggles a few times when they tried it, swiftly gave up.

I'd say if you pick the right person, and practice what you are doing, it should be fine.

fannymagee

Mimojo wrote: »

We would be delighted to find a solemniser in training who might be willing to hold a ceremony for us – thanks for the advice

Aww thanks PhoenixParker & Milly33!!

Mimojo I think that's me- and I would be delighted to help you out any way I can! Please feel free to contact me if you'd like :-)

Milly33

Theres the lady herself!! Sorry said they would probably find the post anywho and sure it might be great practice...

Fagashlil

Mimojo wrote: »

Has anyone ever been to a ceremony carried out by a friend of the couple, and how did it work out?

Was at one last year, was so beautiful and different. They'd got married officially a few days before, and then the ceremony we were invited to was carried out by a friend of the couple. It was lovely, bits of different religions, hand fasting, really unique and very fitting for the couple.

fannymagee

A friend of mine had her sister-in-law officiate, it was beautiful!

I would suggest that if you go down the route of a friend or relative, choose someone confident & with good presence, who can create and hold the atmosphere you want, and will be comfortable and confident in front of an audience. It will make for a more relaxed atmosphere all round :-)

OU812

If you want to go the whole hog, you can have someone get ordained free http://www.themonastery.org/ordination It's the "Universal Life Church" They'll also sell you certificates etc. Good luck & have a great time.

Happyman42

I did this for my brother and his wife. As others have said they did the registry version as well.
I based my 'ceremony' on brehon marraiges. I am sorry I didn't keep my research (there is loads on the net) as a few people have asked since.

It was a very simple, unexpectedly solemn and symbolic (tying a ribbon in a knot etc) ceremony that people loved being at.

fannymagee

Happyman42 wrote: »

I did this for my brother and his wife. As others have said they did the registry version as well.
I based my 'ceremony' on brehon marraiges. I am sorry I didn't keep my research (there is loads on the net) as a few people have asked since.

It was a very simple, unexpectedly solemn and symbolic (tying a ribbon in a knot etc) ceremony that people loved being at.

Ahh, if only we still had Brehon Law- how different life could be. I studied it in College and LOVED it. Thanks for that reminder- I'm off now to research Brehon Marriage! ;-)

Milly33

I was just reading up on it, seems like an interesting topic will give me something to do tonight to look into it more.. Going to check that universal church that would be something funky to say you could do

Milly33

I just done it I registered for the Church... I feel like joey in friends..

Mimojo

Thanks everyone for the replies, very much appreciated.

This is exactly what we are looking for, something informal yet personal to us, something that we can mould to our own taste and personalities.

Thanks for suggesting the humanist in training, would never have found her! And also that we could get someone ordained for the day, lots of great ideas and stuff to look into

Milly33

Best of luck with it

Milly33

Just got my pack from the Church of Life.. It is gas I have a certificate, press pass, parking sticker everything

fannymagee

Milly33 wrote: »

Just got my pack from the Church of Life.. It is gas I have a certificate, press pass, parking sticker everything

Hahahaa you're kidding??! I totally need one of those ;-)

Milly33

Yep I did it was like €50 euro or something. I was just thinking of you actually, I don't mean to be saying "it is gas" in a bad way, so please don't think I am taking the piss or anything. After reading your own posts about all the work you have done and how passionate you are. I know this is completely different to what you are doing but I just wanted to see if I could do it as such.. Just think it is made that you click a button and that's it...

fannymagee

Ah no, I was actually glad to be able to put a bit of context on what it's like from this side! Thanks for thinking of it though, it gets a bit disheartening sometimes ;-)

I've changed my mind about signing up for the laugh though, FIFTY EUROS?! I can do a lot of stuff with €50- THEY'RE the ones who are shysters!! That's one eighth of what a real Celebrant would charge for a full legal wedding, and they're probably pumping them out by the thousands- just meaningless (although funny) bits of paper. Happy days for Mr Church of Life! They must be laughing all the way to the bank ;-)

Milly33

Well by rights you pay nothing you just register but like all things if you want the paper work you pay for ..

Just checking now and it was €54.80 odd that was with fed ex delivery from America to here and it the money goes to charities which is good there is a nice selection of them National Autism Association, new beginnings, life long aids so tis really give all cant say id begrudge that now..

fannymagee

Milly33 wrote: »

Well by rights you pay nothing you just register but like all things if you want the paper work you pay for ..

Just checking now and it was €54.80 odd that was with fed ex delivery from America to here and it the money goes to charities which is good there is a nice selection of them National Autism Association, new beginnings, life long aids so tis really give all cant say id begrudge that now..

Ah that's different, that's actually a great idea so

Milly33

tisnt the worst of them.. It was actually started by a priest in the beginning, quite interesting reading up on it a bit like the flying spaghetti monster church