Sleep

LegacyUser

Hi everyone

My wife slept alone on the couch last night because of something I said and I just want to know if I was totally unreasonable

Long story short, I'm exhausted. I haven't slept properly in 6 years. (3 kids evenly spaced, oldest is just coming onto 2 years old now) In the last 2 weeks I haven't had a single decent nights sleep, between sick children, noisy dogs, cats and we've moved house so there are a lot of new sounds and things to get used to at night (every time we turn on a tap or flush a toilet in the bathroom, the attic tank makes loads of noise).

Yesterday I was particularly tired. Didn't get to bed until almost 1am the night before because I had to drive my wife's brother in law somewhere, and I was woken up at 6am the next morning

When I got home from work, I was confronted with a house full of screaming kids (3 of them are my own so I'm used to them, my wife's friend was there with her three kids so it took a lot of energy to deal with that.)

By the time the kids were in bed I was absolutely exhausted and starving (I hadn't had had a chance to get anything to eat because of all the kids in the house and then getting my own kids off to bed). I wasn't able to hold a conversation and I was irritable so I decided I had to go to bed before I said anything that would upset my wife who already thought I was mad at her because I was so quiet.

I went to bed at 9pm

At 1am my wife came up to bed, She woke me up because she left the tap running when she brushed her teeth and that set off the tank cascade in the attic, but that's grand, I could try to just keep my eyes closed and hopefully fall back to sleep quickly.

Then she jumps into bed, grabs her phone and starts reading wikipedia. It was like someone had shone a flashlight directly into my eyes. I didn't say anything, I pulled the blanket over my head, hoping she would notice, she didn't. It was too hot under the blanket so I put my arm over my eyes to try to block the light.

She noticed this, apolologised, and turned over, but kept reading the phone!. The light was still keeping me awake so out of frustration i said

"Why don't you turn on the feckin bedroom light as well"

And that's when she got out of bed and slept on the couch.

Was I wrong to say what I did?

I know I shouldn't have snapped at her, but I'm not really looking forward to the cold shoulder that could last all weekend.

Bear this in mind, Whenever my wife goes to bed before I do, I never wake her up. I make every possible effort to make as little noise as possible, I never turn on any lights, I get undressed in the dark and quietly slip into the bed and go to sleep.

On the other side, my wife always wakes me up. Sometimes this is just because I'm a light sleeper, I don't mind that, other times wakes me up on purpose to talk to me or to cuddle into me because I'm warm.

This wouldn't be a problem, except that this chronic sleep deprivation is really starting to affect my mood and my ability to think clearly.

Neyite

I don't think you were out of line. Fair enough, you were a bit snappy, but sleeping on the couch in response is a bit OTT, I think. Maybe you both over-reacted due to hectic lives recently?

For what it's worth, phone reading in bed to the extent it prevents another from sleeping is bad manners in my opinion. If you are not going to go to sleep, get up and read your phone on the sofa instead.

LegacyUser

Yeah, its definitely been a stressful time the last few weeks.

I reckon I'll just have to suck it up and apologise to her when I get home.

I've just made dinner reservations for the weekend cause I think with the move and everything, I haven't really shown her as much appreciation as she deserves and we both need to get out and unwind

retro:electro

I dont think you were out of line no, phone reading in bed is very irritating when you're trying to sleep. In fairness to your wife though I don't think she realised just how exhausted you were and maybe you should have communicated that more with her when you went to bed early, especially since you say she always wakes you; "I'm having an early night because I'm exhausted, please try and be quiet when you're coming to bed so not to wake me".

Sleep deprivation can make the most easy going of people an irritated mess, so make sure to look after yourself.

pookie82

I used to have this problem - sharing a bed with someone who brought his ipad/iphone to bed and shone it like what felt like a lighthouse beacon in the dark. To add to that he'd sometimes also play music in headphones so loud I could hear the overspill in the otherwise silent room.

I think the trick is to try not to have the fight there and then. You're sleep deprived, extremely angry at being woken up, and are bound to snap.

When you've both calmed down tell her you want to trial a new rule which means into bed: out with the devices. By all means keep a phone by the bedside for emergencies but no scrolling while the other is trying to sleep. It's common sense.

We all like the odd scroll before bedtime but if there's another person in the room you have to be conscious that you're disrupting them. If it ever happens with my current bf and I have to check my phone in the dark when I know he's asleep I go under the covers myself to check it, minimising the brightness it'll cause for him.

I can't dream up a reasonable rejection of this to be honest, it's basic cop on.

miamee

It doesn't sound like much of a snap or a fight at all so I wouldn't worry too much. You were very tired and had just been woken from sleep - being less than delighted about it is to be expected. Perhaps she went to the sofa to continue reading and give you some space and just decided to stay there instead of disturbing you again?

The sleep deprivation sounds bad though, you should talk to your wife about how it's affecting you - surely she must be equally as tired. And work out how to minimise the noise disruption or any disruption once one of you are in bed.

faceman

I wouldn't worry about what happened. More importantly you should talk to your partner about the lack of sleep lately. Do it at a time when neither of you are under stress. You may find she is in the same boat

The great thing about sleep is it only takes one decent night's sleep to catch up on the tiredness.

Cranky and Sleepy

Cranky and Sleepy wrote: »

Long story short, I'm exhausted. I haven't slept properly in 6 years.

In the last 2 weeks I haven't had a single decent nights sleep

Didn't get to bed until almost 1am the night before because I had to drive my wife's brother in law somewhere, and I was woken up at 6am the next morning

When I got home from work, I was confronted with a house full of screaming kids (3 of them are my own so I'm used to them, my wife's friend was there with her three kids so it took a lot of energy to deal with that.)

I went to bed at 9pm

At 1am my wife came up to bed ... she jumps into bed, grabs her phone and starts reading Wikipedia ... I put my arm over my eyes to try to block the light. She noticed this, apolologised, and turned over, but kept reading the phone!

Whenever my wife goes to bed before I do, I never wake her up. I make every possible effort to make as little noise as possible, I never turn on any lights, I get undressed in the dark and quietly slip into the bed and go to sleep.

On the other side, my wife always wakes me up. Sometimes this is just because I'm a light sleeper, I don't mind that, other times wakes me up on purpose to talk to me or to cuddle into me because I'm warm.

I know the horror of being a light sleeper OP and that is definitely part of the problem but ... your wife comes across as a tad self-centred.

Surely at this stage she knows you're a light sleeper and tries to make allowances for that? Who on earth wakes up a sleeping person for a talk in the night? Why did YOU have to drive her brother-in-law somewhere, late on a work night? Is it really necessary to have six screaming kids in the house to greet someone who's come home from work? Does your wife work as a matter of interest?

Maybe it's because I can only see it from your point of view at the moment but that all sounds intolerable to me.

Ethel

Cranky and Sleepy wrote: »

I reckon I'll just have to suck it up and apologise to her when I get home

The apology better be two way, as she was in the wrong too. Tell her youre sorry, lack of sleep made you snappy. But pull her on the phone issue, it was inconsiderate. Also tell her you always be sure to be as quiet as possible if you go to bed after her but she doesn't repay the favour.

I think her sleeping on the sofa was a big over reaction, what was that all about

PinkLemonade

First thing I'd like to say is that there's a lot of resentment in your post towards your wife.

I think you were out of line, there's no need to be so hostile, and I think your wife choosing to sleep on the coach to avoid any further escalations was sensible.
I would first apologise if I were you and when the dust from that is settled I'd talk to her about your sleeping problems and discuss things to make bed time more peaceful.
I can see why you snapped, we all do it, but I think you should own up to it, hopefully she'll apologise too because using your phone at night isn't very considerate if her either

Ethel

PinkLemonade wrote: »

I think your wife choosing to sleep on the coach to avoid any further escalations was sensible.

Where are you getting that from?


And as for being resentful of his wife, I think I wouldn't be too happy with some of her carry on, and Im a woman!

PinkLemonade

Ethel wrote: »

Where are you getting that from?


And as for being resentful of his wife, I think I wouldn't be too happy with some of her carry on, and Im a woman!

He's cross at her for letting the children have play dates, for brushing her teeth, for getting into bed?

And from what he wrote she left the room without argument and let him sleep in a quiet room, I don't know why people are painting her out to be a b*tch who deserves passive aggressive behaviour from their partner. If he'd ask her nicely to turn off the phone it'd be a different story. I don't see why situations have to have a bad guy and a good guy, sometimes there's a little blame on both sides

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

I know the horror of being a light sleeper OP and that is definitely part of the problem but ... your wife comes across as a tad self-centred.

Surely at this stage she knows you're a light sleeper and tries to make allowances for that? Who on earth wakes up a sleeping person for a talk in the night? Why did YOU have to drive her brother-in-law somewhere, late on a work night? Is it really necessary to have six screaming kids in the house to greet someone who's come home from work? Does your wife work as a matter of interest?

Maybe it's because I can only see it from your point of view at the moment but that all sounds intolerable to me.

Must be the lack of sleep but I've just noticed that I said he was 'my wife's brother in law' which would make him my own brother. It was her brother.

I had to drive him home because my wife had fallen asleep after she invited him over to the house and he over stayed. She had intended to drive him home herself but she fell asleep.

I don't mind having the house full of kids either, thats part of being a parent, but on this one day it contributed to my tiredness

My wife does work, really hard, but she's unpaid at the moment. Out of the two of us, she definitely has the harder job at home with the kids and this is why I try to make allowances for her as much as I can.

Every morning I get up when the first child wakes and get them their breakfast before I go to work to allow her the extra hour in bed. At weekends, if we have the chance, we each get one day of a lie in.

My wife is one of the most selfless and caring people you could ever meet but sometimes she can turn a minor little argument about literally nothing, into an argument that lasts for days.

Sometimes she seems to think that when she is stressed, she can let off steam on me, take her frustrations from the day out on me, and if I try to defend myself, then I become the bad guy.

I think we're both just a bit worn out and need to find a better way of dealing with the stress.

LegacyUser

PinkLemonade wrote: »

He's cross at her for letting the children have play dates, for brushing her teeth, for getting into bed?

And from what he wrote she left the room without argument and let him sleep in a quiet room, I don't know why people are painting her out to be a b*tch who deserves passive aggressive behaviour from their partner. If he'd ask her nicely to turn off the phone it'd be a different story. I don't see why situations have to have a bad guy and a good guy, sometimes there's a little blame on both sides

Did you read the whole post ? Where did he say he was pissed at her for letting the children have play dates. He was tired and hungry after a long day in work and then coming home to deal with 6 kids.

Instead of cooking dinner and eating something he went to bed at 9 o clock to be woken at 1am by her because she left the tap on in the bathroom which set off the tank cascade in the attic

After he sorted that out she comes in and starts reading her phone. I think her behaviour is extremely rude and out of order. Jeezus if that was me I would have blown a fuse never mind snapped. Her reaction is ott. There seems to be no boundaries.

Ethel

PinkLemonade wrote: »

I don't see why situations have to have a bad guy and a good guy, sometimes there's a little blame on both sides

And I clearly said they need to apologise to each other, that we agree on.

Nobody is calling her a 'bitch' as you put it but I do feel she acts selfishly from the examples given. I'm sure the op comes home from work at similar times in the evening, so when he is due in is no surprise to her. The man has a days work behind him, and it sounds like he came home to a creche. He never even had a chance to eat anything, put his children to bed then crashed himself.

Putting me in that scenario I'd have politely hinted to my friend I'd have to get on with things in the house and wind the kids down before bed. Said friend would have to be gone an hour before OH comes in. I've been a working mum and a stay home mum, so my thinking isnt skewed by some old fashioned views when I say this (30's).. But my OH has been to work all day, I love him and respect him for what he does for us and our home. I put dinner out for him and make sure the place isn't a circus when he gets in. I personally don't think its a lot to ask. My children aren't babies any more but I know what its like to have very young children close in age.

You suggested that she may have left the bed to let him sleep, but I'd wager it was a strop. I think the two of them need to sit down and talk it out. I'd say shes tired too, but she's being insensitive towards her husband.

TheBeardedLady

Cranky and Sleepy wrote: »

Yeah, its definitely been a stressful time the last few weeks.

I reckon I'll just have to suck it up and apologise to her when I get home.

I've just made dinner reservations for the weekend cause I think with the move and everything, I haven't really shown her as much appreciation as she deserves and we both need to get out and unwind

Sounds like nothing much to me and due to the two of you being tired and stressed. I know I'm an awful cranky so and so when I'm exhausted as is my boyfriend, so snapping in that state is let off as long as neither of us get into a habit of it - I think it's understandable, personally. She shouldn't be using her smartphone like that when you're sleeping anyway and I do think moving onto the couch was OTT but I'm assuming she's tired and cranky too. Let this one slide.

Dinner this weekend sounds like a good plan - sometimes this stuff is down to not seeing enough of each other as a couple and a little romance injection is what's needed.

PinkLemonade

Ethel wrote: »

And I clearly said they need to apologise to each other, that we agree on.

Nobody is calling her a 'bitch' as you put it but I do feel she acts selfishly from the examples given. I'm sure the op comes home from work at similar times in the evening, so when he is due in is no surprise to her. The man has a days work behind him, and it sounds like he came home to a creche. He never even had a chance to eat anything, put his children to bed then crashed himself.

Putting me in that scenario I'd have politely hinted to my friend I'd have to get on with things in the house and wind the kids down before bed. Said friend would have to be gone an hour before OH comes in. I've been a working mum and a stay home mum, so my thinking isnt skewed by some old fashioned views when I say this (30's).. But my OH has been to work all day, I love him and respect him for what he does for us and our home. I put dinner out for him and make sure the place isn't a circus when he gets in. I personally don't think its a lot to ask. My children aren't babies any more but I know what its like to have very young children close in age.

You suggested that she may have left the bed to let him sleep, but I'd wager it was a strop. I think the two of them need to sit down and talk it out. I'd say shes tired too, but she's being insensitive towards her husband.

I gave the OP advise that I felt was constructive and would most likely lead to a productive resolution

Also wagering she pulled a strop and in the same post flat out denying that anyone is painting her out to be a b**** is a bit conflicting - but arguing about it is not helpful to the OP

Ethel

Tabs101 wrote: »

After he sorted that out she comes in and starts reading her phone. I think her behaviour is extremely rude and out of order. Jeezus if that was me I would have blown a fuse never mind snapped. Her reaction is ott. There seems to be no boundaries.

I think if someone had that little consideration for me, I probably have said more to be honest, it was very unfair. Rude and out of order is what I thought too. If she wanted to read her phone she could have done it elsewhere.

PinkLemonade wrote: »

Also wagering she pulled a strop and in the same post flat out denying that anyone is painting her out to be a b**** is a bit conflicting - but arguing about it is not helpful to the OP

Having a strop doesn't make her a bitch. It was an over reaction. I won't be replying to you again, because I'm not interested in speaking to someone who skews what I'm saying.

Tokyo

Ethel - please be more considerate of other posters opinions. You're just one of many people giving the OP advice here, and as per the forum charter, all advice is welcome, even if it does conflict with your own. The OP can take from this thread what they think most applies to their situation.

Regards,
Mike

shaymus27

Sounds like you are a typical male who doesn't always communicate how you are feeling. You probably should have told her you were tired and needed sleep.

Sounds like your wife is a typical female who does a lot of work in the house which means she has to be practical, organised and not too tip-toey around other people's feelings to get everything done.

Only you are an above average male in that you put yourself out, are thoughtful, considerate and value all the things your wife does and who she is. Your wife does a lot of work and cares for the kids and it seems she does all this without complaint. However, it sounds like she isn't the most sensitive person in the world as (as one poster said previously) you would think she might be aware at this stage you are a light sleeper. You both need to find time for yourselves and forget you are parents for a brief time. Maybe your wife could do with a break from responsibility and get time to just to be herself.

You might be making a mistake in thinking that because your wife is such a lovely person that she can do no wrong or that it's your fault for arguments. She has her flaws so it's not always your fault.

I can see why you might be reluctant to call her on her behaviour - 1. you care about her and appreciate how lovely she is. 2. she can over-react when you do say or gesture something.

You may need to be a bit more assertive - if you don't want to drive someone home you might say later that you are tired and need a break. I don't know if your wife is taking you a little for granted in that instance but if you don't really want any more chores to do your wife needs to be told this and to accept this and support you. You can't be blamed for being tired. No-one can tell you, you shouldn't be tired.

You both sound like lovely people doing a great job of living life. I think you both need regular breaks from the kids and house and more time to enjoy yourselves.

I think you should communicate more but in order for you to do this your wife needs to listen and not over-react when you do.
You both need to talk to each other in a supportive manner to air your problems and issues. You both want to avoid a pattern developing of you not feeling you can speak openly about what you want and your wife over-reacting when you do, as this will stop you speaking openly. This may lead to silences from you and then it snowballs.

You both sound like lovely people, just ensure open, honest communication as even lovely people can grow apart if bad patterns of communication or lack of communication set in.

I would say most couples out there haven't the relationship you two have and don't manage their everyday living with as much grace as you both do so I'm sure you will be fine.

I think everyone needs to look at the way their lives are going and with kids and responsibilities we can keep going and then realise we weren't happy about things while we kept going. Just make sure you both stay happy as you keep going. Life and happiness are a journey and not a destination and all that.

Best of luck.

Maurice Greene.

Hey OP, dont be a sap and apologise to your bad mannered and selfish wife. Let her sleep on the couch until she cops on and how to behave.
Don't ever bow to that crap, all you are doing is facillitating her rude behaviour.
Besides the more she sleeps on the couch, the better nights sleep you will get, you are a winner then.

zeffabelli

Is she also sleep deprived?

It's really hard to regulate your feelings when you don't get sleep. Sleep is essential to being able to do this.

bee06

OP, you had a crappy day and are wreaked from the lack of sleep over your few weeks of sleeplessness. Chances are your wife was wreaked after entertaining the visitors and minding the kids all day plus I'm guessing if you've had sick kids she hasn't had much sleep either. Yet both snapped and neither of ye covered yourselves in glory.

What matters if how ye deal with it so something small and stupid doesn't turn into resentment and ongoing anger. Apologise for snapping and explain the lack of sleep is messing with your head and would she be more careful when coming to bed at least until you're sleeping better. Hopefully, if she has any cop on she'll apologise back for being inconsiderate.

LadyAthame

Anxiety keeps me awake on the laptop etc...when you turn it off ...bamm it hits...high emotions at bedtime are not good. You need to unwind and chill it can be tough.

I hope you get some sleep OP.

jimmycrackcorm

My wife is like the op, a very light sleeper. She'll wake at any noise our movement. At times she'd poke me for snoring even though I might still be awake and it's my normal breathing that is disturbing her. That means I don't get a good night's sleep.

Anyway I basically spend many nights sleeping in another room. That way we both get good sleep

kylith

OP, If I were you I'd apologise to your wife for snapping at her, but I'd expect her to apologise for waking you up to fix her mistake with the tap, and then keeping you awake with her reading. Her behaviour was very inconsiderate.

implausible

Maurice Greene. wrote: »

Hey OP, dont be a sap and apologise to your bad mannered and selfish wife. Let her sleep on the couch until she cops on and how to behave.
Don't ever bow to that crap, all you are doing is facillitating her rude behaviour.
Besides the more she sleeps on the couch, the better nights sleep you will get, you are a winner then.

Em, what? She is not a bold child who needs to be disciplined.

OP, you mentioned that your wife fell asleep before she could leave her brother home, that would suggest to me that she is sleep-deprived too. Reading the phone in bed is probably her way of winding down, and she may not realise the extent to which it annoys you and she feels she deserves her downtime. You need to apologise for snapping, while explaining the reasons for it and maybe coming to an agreement about bedtime 'rules.' Sometimes separate beds can be the best thing when you really need sleep.

Your house sounds like a very busy one, some time away from it together as a couple is definitely needed.

CaraMay

You are just both wrecked. Why was your wife only coming to bed at 1 am? Was she doing jobs? Maybe she was miffed that you got to bed 4 hours before her?

I don't understand why you drove her brother (her brother in law could be her sisters or brothers spouse either) home that late?

You are over tired and she probably is too. Ear plugs are a great help for a light sleeper and maybe a low bedroom light would diffuse the iPhone light and offer a solution for you both.

grumpynerd

Cranky and Sleepy wrote: »

<SNIP>

Tiredness and drama equals family life. As the mobile atm chauffeur sperm donor, its always your fault. Yay marriage.

ShaShaBear

If she spends all day at home with the kids, then she has to be at least as exhausted as you are, given she would be dealing with the same moving house issue, the same indoor noises, the same noisy animals, the same sick and noisy children. She probably turned on the tap without thinking being so tired (and probably wanting a human moment to brush her teeth if she's had such a mental day as you describe) and perhaps wanted to read something to help her mind unwind so she could get some rest. Perhaps when you snapped at her, she was hurt - maybe she decided to do her reading on the couch and just happened to fall asleep there, thinking it would be better than risking waking you up again?
To be honest, sounds like she has it as hard as you do, if not worse, and made the conscious decision to appease you by moving rooms.

LegacyUser

"3 kids evenly spaced, oldest is just coming onto 2 years old now"

I was just wondering how the kids affect your sleeping. The stage you are at I'm surprised you havn't mentioned them in your post/issue. Maybe they are very good sleepers!
Who deals with the kids at night time/bed time? Is it shared.

AS regards 'the doghouse' catfight scenario... myself and herself eventually agreed to take turns in getting a full nights sleep (even if it meant an airbed in the sitting room). It was well haggled out beforehand though as I think every couple in stressful situations involving children/sleep deprivation measures the division of labour on an hourly basis.

Be realistic about where ye are as a family now and acknowledge with herself that it's the situation you want to work on. Resentment of the situation can very quickly turn into resentment of each other and then it's the kids that have to witness the bad atmosphere. Talk in terms of 'we'. i.e. ask her What do you think 'we' should do ?

As regards the tank in the attic, get a hose and connect it to the tap in the tank so the water flows silently. Also, Bare in mind sleep deprivation is 'torture technique 101' for any interrogator.

Fair play though, we havn't been out together (or slept in together) in 5 years. Grab what you can.

dudara

@Maurice Greene. and implausible - do not continue this argument on thread.

dudara

LegacyUser

Cranky and Sleepy wrote: »

I know I shouldn't have snapped at her, but I'm not really looking forward to the cold shoulder that could last all weekend.

Cranky and Sleepy wrote: »

My wife is one of the most selfless and caring people you could ever meet but sometimes she can turn a minor little argument about literally nothing, into an argument that lasts for days.

Sometimes she seems to think that when she is stressed, she can let off steam on me, take her frustrations from the day out on me, and if I try to defend myself, then I become the bad guy.

The quoted sections sound like a much bigger problem than the relatively minor tiff about the phone light. There's no need for any of that holding onto a grudge and sulking for days, or regularly taking all her angers out on you for no reason then making you out to be the "bad guy" for defending yourself.. You should talk to her about it and let her know it needs to stop immediately as it's probably adding to your stress.

Back to the main issue, just come to an agreement that there is no phones or computers on in bed when the other is trying to sleep. I always use my laptop in bed, doesn't bother my oh he sleeps really easily and is asleep here beside me right now. I have asked several times to double check that my laptop doesn't annoy him and he repeatedly assures me he doesn't usually even notice I'm on it and is grand. You can dim the screen brightness on most devices, or even black out the screen completely if you only want to listen something with headphones.

I am probably more like you myself though OP. I don't usually sleep easily unless I have absolute silence and darkness. We don't have a tv in room anymore because from past experience my oh consistently kept me awake with one. Excessive movements,turning on the light when coming in or playing tv slightly too loudly (that is downstairs) are things that I have snapped at my oh for. I snap much worse than you though! Being woken from my sleep will have me effing and blinding quite loudly in a matter of seconds. I know it's probably not the best reaction but me and oh are both a bit "shouty" when annoyed but nothing serious and it all blows over and is forgotten about in less than 5 minutes usually. I'd prefer that though than someone giving me a cold shoulder for days on end over something minor.

Just have a wee chat about new ground rules for the bedroom and maybe about those other things you mentioned like her turning little things into major multiday not speaking events etc. Probably just need to communicate a bit better with each other and ye both sound like ye deserve a nice break just the two of ye if even only for a night.

blatantrereg

Wax earplugs are helpful. You can get them in most pharmacists.

Insisting on basic courtesy and consideration when it comes to interfering with sleep is good, not something to apologise for or dread the consequences of.

My wife is one of the most selfless and caring people you could ever meet but sometimes she can turn a minor little argument about literally nothing, into an argument that lasts for days.

Sometimes she seems to think that when she is stressed, she can let off steam on me, take her frustrations from the day out on me, and if I try to defend myself, then I become the bad guy.

Is she really though? She sounds absolutely horrible to me.
When she's not knocking seven shades of **** out of you or berating you for days over nothing or not bothering to try to be quiet when you are sleep-deprived she's lovely huh.

FurBabyMomma

blatantrereg wrote: »

Wax earplugs are helpful. You can get them in most pharmacists.

Insisting on basic courtesy and consideration when it comes to interfering with sleep is good, not something to apologise for or dread the consequences of.



Is she really though? She sounds absolutely horrible to me.
When she's not knocking seven shades of **** out of you or berating you for days over nothing or not bothering to try to be quiet when you are sleep-deprived she's lovely huh.

^^^ Now that is blowing the OPs words out of all proportion. The OP has said his wife is generally a nice person, but noone is without their flaws.

As someone who has had maybe 3 full nights sleep in the last 7 months, I started reading this thread expecting to take your wife's side to be honest! But actually I think she completely in the wrong and your behaviour was not that OTT given the circumstances. It's very hard to be patient and not just fly off the handle when sleep deprived. I've found myself getting grumpy and cross over things that would never have bothered me before. Little things become big issues because you're just too damn tired to be rational.

Don't let one little incident become a big thing. If you both apologise and set ground rules for devices in bed this will be forgotten. Successful relationships are not built on holding grudges or holding out to see who apologises first.