Confused about my sexuality, or if I even have one

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm a 19 year-old female student. Recently I have started questioning my sexuality or if I even have one at all. I have recently began to notice that I have never actually had a crush or fancied someone, at-least not since childhood. I have always identified as heterosexual, I guess by default. I have only kissed males in the past, I would estimate 40+. Out of all the people I have kissed, I have actually only once "felt something" whilst kissing, (technically twice, I didn't feel something during, but afterwards all I could think about how nice it was). All the other times its been something to fill a void or take up time, it's alright, its just an essential part of the night out, in fact I get disappointed if I only kiss 1 person (or none, I actually have a reputation within my friend-group for kissing a lot of people, however that is starting to change), or kiss someone who I didn't particularly think was good-looking throughout the night (I know that sounds shallow, I'm no prize either :P) I have only ever kissed strangers, never to be spoken to again, "shift and drift". I would definitely see some males as better looking than others, the same with females, but I don't know if its actual attraction or not. I doubt I'm asexual as I do have a libido, but have never been "turned on" by a person, normally I get "turned on" doing menial everyday tasks, such as studying, (not cause by said tasks, just occurs during). So I guess what I'm asking is how do I know my own sexuality? What do any of you make of the above situation?

TL;DR: How does one recognize attraction/identify their sexuality?

Engine No.9

First off, I don't think that all gays are born gay. Nor do I think they're born straight either.

How do you identify your sexuality? Personally, I think its down to the individual. There are lots of people out there who identify as gay but increasingly find themselves attracted to the opposite sex. Same can be said for heterosexual people who find themselves attracted to same sex.

People are attracted to people. End of. In my view anyway. I'd consider myself a very heterosexual male. Would I have a relationship with another male if I found myself attracted to him? Not a hope. But that's me. You might consider yourself bisexual due to your appreciation of the female form (your acting on it isn't apparent from your post).

You're 19. You've got a whole lifetime ahead of you to discover yourself sexually. You should be concentrating on living your life in as productive a way as possible. Kiss some guys, sleep with them. Kiss some girls, sleep with them. Have fun. Your options are limitless. Just never treat yourself or allow others to treat you disrespectfully.

kylith

If a lack of sex drive or attraction is bothering you then it may help to have a talk with your GP just to rule out any hormonal issues. Sexuality is a fluid, everyone is different.

OP you say that kissing someone is an essential part of a night out and you're disappointed if you only kiss one person, which I don't really understand to be honest. It suggests to me that you're kissing a lot of people you're not attracted to just for the sake of it, and naturally enough you're not getting anything out of it. So why do it?

Why not just go out and enjoy nights out for what they are? Have fun with your friends and if you meet someone you really fancy, go for it.

bee06

Flying Fox wrote: »

OP you say that kissing someone is an essential part of a night out and you're disappointed if you only kiss one person, which I don't really understand to be honest. It suggests to me that you're kissing a lot of people you're not attracted to just for the sake of it, and naturally enough you're not getting anything out of it. So why do it?

Why not just go out and enjoy nights out for what they are? Have fun with your friends and if you meet someone you really fancy, go for it.

^ This, OP, you're kissing randomers who you have no connection with and no interest in even seeing again. Stop kissing for the sake of it and wait til you find someone who's worth kissing.

LadyAthame

It could be you need to grow more attached to someone. I think for a lot of women their sexuality grows more in their twenties anyway.

Sexuality and feeling sexually comfortable with people takes time for most of us women.

I really don't think it's healthy to just kiss and see it as a goal and not enjoy it so much. That seems rather unfair to you and them.

Your sexuality I think takes time to grow ...fall in love ...feel connected...feel chemistry ...

You get turned on alone ..get to know that part of yourself.

Don't worry about it though or pressure yourself ..it's different for all :-)