Confused about gf

LegacyUser

I have been with my girlfriend for close on two years. We're both 29 and get on really well. The problem is, and maybe it's just in my head, that I'm not crazy about her sexually. Don't get me wrong, we still have sex every time we see each other or we are together but I'm not crazy about it.

I was with one my previous ex's for close on three years and the sex was electric. I wanted her at every opportunity. We weren't particularly a good match outside of this and I have no regrets about not being with her anymore.

My problem is that it isn't like that with my current girlfriend. It's just not as enjoyable or consuming. The reality is my current girlfriend is definitely better looking and more attractive, no doubt about it so I just don't get it. She's quite liberal in the bedroom also so it's not that it's boring. It just doesn't have the same spark.

It's worrying because after every time I think to myself, this should be better. She talks about how great it is and I'm just left lying there thinking that it's not. I get on with her in every other way apart from this, but I'm worried that this would be it forever. If the sex isn't fantastic can it work? Anyone out there ever have a problem like this before? It's starting to be an issue and i really don't want it to be cause she's perfect for me in every other way. I'm not trying to make a big deal out of something small either but sex is a big deal to me and I'm always left wanting more. Not in a literal sense but more spark.

Mr.McLovin

Do you love her?

strobe

Well sex can get better but it doesn't often just happen, it can take a bit of active direction. Can you manage to identify anything more specific than "not the same spark" in relation to why it was so much better with your ex? If you were to imagine tonight being absolutely mind blowing with your current girlfriend, what exactly would be different?

LegacyUser

Thank you for the responses,

Yes I love her, she's a great person first and foremost and we get along so well, have great fun together and just click.

In reply to strobe, nothing, that's the problem...it's just the chemistry or spark that's not the same. Not that I want it to be the same or compare the two, I realise no two will be the same. It's just I don't have a massive drive or desire to have sex with my girlfriend and I'd generally have a high sex drive.

ViveLaVie

Did you see your ex as much? If the sex wasn't as frequent maybe it seemed better because you would've gone longer periods without it.

Mr.McLovin

Well if you love her I would try not let this become a problem. The sex seems like a happy medium to me too. Unfortunately you cant always have your cake and eat it, you have an attractive gf who you love, have regular adventurous sex with frequently. The glass seems pretty full to me if you know what I mean.

charlietheminxx

Someone can tick all the boxes but if the chemistry isn't there, it just isn't there. Sorry OP, I'm sure it's not what you want to hear but if you feel you're settling sexually then I don't think it's the right relationship for either of you.

I met a guy who was good looking, funny, had a good job, got on with all my friends and was great in bed... But I just felt a bit "meh" about the sex even though it was technically perfect. If the spark and the tingles and the feeling where you can't get enough of them isn't there, then it probably never will be.

Saralee4

newthreadadvice wrote: »

I was with one my previous ex's for close on three years and the sex was electric. I wanted her at every opportunity. We weren't particularly a good match outside of this .
.

This part stands out to me in comparison to your girlfriend, your ex girlfriend was not "particularly a good match". Was the relationship with the ex a bit firey? (not sure if that's the spelling :P )

Anyway if that's the case, it might have been the fact that you weren't as comfortable with the ex girl as you are with your current as this is something that appealed to you sexually but you actually prefer the relationship/friendship/partnership with your current girlfriend.