embarrassed and suffering from emotional abuse

betty bump

18 yrs married but the last 8 have been horrible with emotional abuse. Left the home with my 2 kids a month ago but fell to his pressure and came back a week ago. Back to the same old blame game. So embarrassed with my life. Cant go crawling back to my family again as I went against their wishes and pleas by going back to him. Stuck worse than ever. Why am I so week

fannymagee

betty bump wrote: »

18 yrs married but the last 8 have been horrible with emotional abuse. Left the home with my 2 kids a month ago but fell to his pressure and came back a week ago. Back to the same old blame game. So embarrassed with my life. Cant go crawling back to my family again as I went against their wishes and pleas by going back to him. Stuck worse than ever. Why am I so week

Hi Betty, hope you're ok!

Have you looked at the Women's Aid website? It's really good, and they have great supports and services there, they'll point you in the right direction.

http://www.womensaid.ie/

Is there someone you can trust, who you can talk to? If you got out once you can do it again, sometimes it takes time for the decision to really sink in.

The main thing is to stay safe. If you feel unsafe, phone 999 or get to your local Garda station.

These threads aren't for this kind of support, so it's best for you to contact a service that's set up to help you right now. Women's Aid are on Freephone 1800 341 900. Just take the first step :-)

Good luck xxxxx

eviltwin

Don't be afraid to lean on your family again. They will only want what's best for you and won't hold it against you that you went back.

bp

Your family love you, go talk to them

Also call the guards and womend aid

b_mac2

Why are people telling the OP to ring the Gardaí? No mention of physical abuse there...

zeffabelli

Don;t feel bad, it takes on average 7 times to leave.

ScumLord

I don't see why you can't leave again. You gave yerman a second chance not a license to do whatever he likes. It sounds like he blew his second chance, you've done everything to keep your family together but he's made it clear he won't change.

verywell

eviltwin wrote: »

Don't be afraid to lean on your family again. They will only want what's best for you and won't hold it against you that you went back.

^^ This +1000

Your family/friends will want you safe.

Neyite

Lets look at this a different way: A marriage of 18 years and two children involved, you had to be sure that you didn't throw it away on a whim, that you gave a second chance, that you can say to your children "I tried"

And you did give him a second chance. That shows grace and kindness, and its no reflection on you that the idiot chose not to utilise this chance you gave him to fix the marriage.

This is actually good. Because when you do leave for good, and he starts to deflect the blame onto you that you left the marriage, or tell others/ your kids that it's your fault, you can hold your head up high and tell yourself- and others if you feel like it that he not only threw away the marriage with his behaviour, but he threw away the very generous second chance you gave him too.

According to Women's Aid, it takes an average of 7 attempts before a partner manages to leave for good. I went back, even though it was against my family's wishes, but they'd spoken to someone in WA who explained that this is perfectly normal and part of the process. All you have to say to the family is "Yes, you were right about him. But I had to try one last time" If they are a loving, supportive family, then they will support you.

catonthewire

Hi OP,


As a woman who suffered emotional abuse which is soul destroying!!!
Please go back to your family and let them support you through the difficult task of staying away from your partner....
Can you imagine how they feel knowing that you are back with him?
They aren't annoyed you went back, just worried that you won't be able to cope with the situation and the effect this will have on your children...

No-one woman or man deserves to be in a relationship were one partner abuses the other, it's not love, this man doesn't love you, he simply thrives on controlling you, hence the pressure for you to return...

Take your children and leave, don't look back, cut all contact with him except via a solicitor, who will help you sort out his access to the children...
Don't reply to his calls ect..
Honestly he is playing a game, if he truly Loved you he would seek help for his issues, address the fact you left and make amends ....
Women's Aid are wonderful, contact them for advice but please go to your family, you deserve happiness and respect...

honey79

Leave pack your bag and go your family love you and will only want you to be safe its hard for people that have not been in this situation to understand how much control a person can have over you

My advice would be tell them everything (as embarrassed as you my feel I know this feeling ) it will help them understand and you will not go back once you have told people

Please take care of yourself our mind is very fragile and should not be played with

LadyAthame

Don't think of yourself as weak. You survived you are so so strong. Your family will be delighted to see you back.

Don't go back. Think of all that has been done the emotional abuse etc..you are still here and still you ...you are stronger than him.

Get professional help too. Your family will welcome you with open arms. Take care.

Stavro Mueller

Betty, your family would be heartbroken if they thought your main reason for staying with your husband was embarrassment and fear of what they'd think. They obviously care about you. Otherwise why would they have pleaded with you not to go back?

Maybe they were annoyed at you when you went back to him but that would've been a frustrated annoyance. I am absolutely certain that they are worried about you and praying that you'll leave again soon. They won't care that you went back to him and that it took two attempts to leave. They have your best interests at heart and won't care one bit about what just happened.

Please leave. You can have a much nicer life without your husband and you will be delighted down the line that you made this choice.

florawest

Hi ya,

It takes courage and time, I put up with so much for years, split up about 4 times and when the time was right for me I knew there was no going back it was time to call quits on the marriage, I was stronger and in a better place, go to your family, its family and friends that are your and the children's rock, and down the road counselling, looking back 5 years later after each counselling session I cried all the way home, did this for about 6 months, went in to marriage for life but if I was still in it my sanity and safety would be gone, be kind to yourself and let others help and phone women's aid to talk, only recently I sent them on a donation well overdue for all my calls to them, anyone reading this remember to try and donate too, its great service, you will look back in the coming months, and will be content and have peace again, take it from one who was there, the first year after split is tough, keep talking, try not to slate the dad in front of the children, good luck you and the children in my thoughts and prayers as is anyone else going through similar stuff

Rubberchikken

hi OP
you did a lot more than many do. you walked out. you also chose to go back and, like the decent person you sound, you gave him a second chance.

now you need to find the courage to leave him once and for all. easy for me to say, but when you're ready you'll find the strength to do it.

talk to your family. they love you and are worried for you. there's no embarrassment involved. take care of yourself.