Low self esteem after overcoming depression

LegacyUser

In the summer of 2014 I got depression, I went on meds but things didn't really improve. I hit a really low point in August last year found the courage to go back to my doctor and ask for something else other than meds to help with my depression. I took a 6 week course of CBT and found it brilliant, hard work at times but I stuck with it and at the end, I felt really positive about things and was able to start coming off my meds. I've been off my meds (I did this slowly with my doctors advice) for awhile but now I'm faced with dealing with the effects the depression has had on my life.

I comfort ate during my depression so I put on weight which I haven't been able to loose yet, completely knocking what little confidence I have. I didn't want to/couldn't see friends when I was feeling low and some of those people have just dropped out of my life despite me initiating contact again when I was feeling better. I am involved in a sport and when I was low I didn't/couldn't talk to people very much. A lot of new people joined my team over the last year and have integrated well with everyone whereas I'm still struggling to integrate properly and feel like an outsider and envy those who have been able to integrate so seamlessly.

The whole time I was depressed I kept thinking of the time I wouldn't be and how great things would be. But its not at all. I wasn't prepared for that and I'm really struggling to try and deal with it all. I don't want to get depressed again but I know if I carry on feeling like I do I will and I just can't go through that again , I really can't.

I've tried to look at the things I learnt when I did the CBT but I think things are happening too quickly for me to process and overcome them (there are things I've tried to do to improve my life but none have worked out so far).

I would really appreciate any advice on how I can start to feel better about myself. Anything I can to boost my self esteem and confidence as its rock bottom at the moment. I think if I work on that a bit I will be able to face things better.
Or any advice on how to deal with the aftermath of depression would be really helpful.

Thanks.

aidanki

fair play to you for getting over your bad patch, if you don't mind me asking what CBT exercises did you practice

hagoonabear

First of all well done op seriously to overcome depression I salute you! First of all start thinking why you feel like you have self esteem ? What bothers you to think like that , anyway tips I find helpful is talking into the mirror before I leave the house saying you're great and then listing things I'm good at , and remember anyone you talk to is more worried about their own lives rather then you worrying if they like you , if you said something wrong etc another thing I find great little booster to wear sunglasses once it's sunny

Aimeee

I think you are possibly at the next stage, so to speak. Its like starting again (very hard) but with new found awareness. So you now recognise the signs and know you don't want to go back there however there is that little nugget - self esteem/self worth which imo is what it often boils down to ultimately.
I went through slightly similar experience myself. Felt like I lost two years of my life, when I look back it seems like i was someone else that time. Lost friends (though with hindsight i think some were possibly part of my self destruct button). Yes it's hard to integrate back to where you were but do you really want to go back there? What I've done myself is go back to bits of my life, the parts that weren't so draining/life sucking or useless. Sometimes I really miss the way i was/mybusy life but when I'm rational I know I really wouldnt chose to go back to it either. Yes I can be lonely but I think thats part of the process. Being okay with me, just me.
A saying I remind myself of regularly is; never put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket. And now I don't. The thoughts are just thoughts as are the feelings. They are just passing through. I try not to give them weight. Hard when it's my default setting. It has to be worked at.
Agree with previous poster everyone is concerned with their own lot and has their own headstuff. Try not to focus on them/it/what you are assuming their life is. I know it's hard but you can train yourself out of it.
Is there any one thing that you love to do? Go back to it. Small steps. Find your thing again and use it to help you.
Very Best of Luck.

mrmorgan

i can relate to this a lot, i get a lot of ups and downs ( dont take meds) but the last few months I have been very low and not really been involved in the usual stuff i was into.

i used to go for a few pints of a friday. but i have stopped that now as it was making me worse and starting to drive me mad.

but the last few weeks, i can feel myself coming up again but i still cant go back out into the public and get involved in teams i used to be. it's like i cant handle a big group of people anymore and just prefer my own company.

but yes i can relate to you 100%

jopax

Hi op,
Just wanted to say well done for being so proactive..

I don't mean to be negative here, but I am wondering if you are mildly depressed still. Obviously nowhere as bad as you were, but sometimes depression can creep back in.

Since CBT worked so well for you before, would you consider doing it again, it can only help.

You have come through bad times before so you know what you are capable of.

Be kind to yourself & don't judge yourself too harshly.

RZoran

This is like going to doc for chest pains and getting diagnosed with high blood pressure and being put on medication. Going on a diet and losing some weight while getting fit and then coming off the medication before the condition is in full remission. Because if you have bad depression unfortunately you are likely you experience more than one time period in your life. Most of the medical journals that i have read that show the benefits of CBT generally have the person continuing with medication afterwards. Definitely look into it with a medical professional and make sure it is a psychiatrist instead of a regular doctor. A gene test to find the best medication might be a good idea too.

grumpynerd

Most people are more or less dicks and get through life by being too stupid to know they're stupid or by being more or less completely deluded or borderline psychopathic.

Whenever I feel I could be achieving more or pushing harder in life and building an identity worthy of praise, I try to think about how no-one is really that great and it doesn't matter anyway. You'll be forgotten almost immediately after you die, so try to be an averagely ok human for the next 3 decades. Don't worry about being a superhero or anything grand.

it's about surviving for a while really. Thats all. We all lose.

LegacyUser

OP, I had a very similar experience. I had severe depression starting in 2011 and it was around 2013 when I came out of the 'fog'.
Medication, although I was taking it all that time, didn't help me much tbh.
Counselling and CBT were hugely helpful, and mindfulness.

Depression really knocks the stuffing out of you. I was a very confident, outgoing, capable person suddenly reduced to a shadow of myself. That hits your confidence hard. You realise nobody I'd infallible, least of all yourself.

The good news is that confidence returns, it really does. Small steps, being kind to yourself. Bit by bit, you will find your feet again.

You will also be different in a good way. You'll have more empathy than you ever thought you could, and see things in a different, clearer light.
Best of luck to you. It gets so much better.

sporina

grumpynerd wrote: »

Most people are more or less dicks and get through life by being too stupid to know they're stupid or by being more or less completely deluded or borderline psychopathic.

Whenever I feel I could be achieving more or pushing harder in life and building an identity worthy of praise, I try to think about how no-one is really that great and it doesn't matter anyway. You'll be forgotten almost immediately after you die, so try to be an averagely ok human for the next 3 decades. Don't worry about being a superhero or anything grand.

it's about surviving for a while really. Thats all. We all lose.

terrible post

why bother

life sure as hell can literally be hell but it can be sublime to - don't spoil that for everyone else

hope you feel better soon

give love then you start to feel it in return

silverfeather

Take yourself into nature. I think it helps to be surrounded by beauty that is not arrogant or prideful but nurturing and pure.

Choose to be around people who are kind and a blessing in your life.

Write down three things a day you like about yourself.

Be kind to yourself in little positive ways.

catonthewire

Hi OP,


Firstly , congratulations on how far you have come!!!..
You sought help and turned your life around using the help offered which is an achievement to be extremely proud of....
Depression can be soul destroying and eats away at a person's self esteem , their personality and ability to think life will ever be good again...

Life can and will be better, but you must learn to let go of the past and concentrate on the here and now...
WRAP is a wonderful programme, designed to aid both recovery and on going wellness, it incorporates techniques that help promote good self esteem..
It's fantastic, I used the programme twice to help overcome my own problems with low self esteem after being unwell..

As for the weight issue, changing your diet and exercising will help, at the same time aiding a full recovery..
Again, congratulations!!!

grumpynerd

sporina wrote: »

terrible post

why bother

life sure as hell can literally be hell but it can be sublime to - don't spoil that for everyone else

hope you feel better soon

give love then you start to feel it in return

Because lurching between extreme emotions and following the hippie golden rule wow...yes we're all 17. Life is complex. Life's lessons are harsh. There are more perspectives after 5th year.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here. Many thanks to those who replied, some very useful bits of advice. In particular from Aimee about telling me to back to what I love - I have a hobby that I've been neglecting and have been making the effort to get back into it again. It got me out of the house last weekend when I was feeling very low and it really helped.
I've never heard of WRAP but going to look more into it.

A poster said: You'll be forgotten almost immediately after you die, so try to be an averagely ok human for the next 3 decades. Don't worry about being a superhero or anything grand.

I'm sorry but that's really not helpful. I'm not trying to find a cure for cancer, I just want be a 'normal' person who enjoys life, I'm struggling with that at the moment, its nothing about trying to achieve great things.

Aimeee

LowSelfEsteem wrote: »

Hi, OP here. Many thanks to those who replied, some very useful bits of advice. In particular from Aimee about telling me to back to what I love - I have a hobby that I've been neglecting and have been making the effort to get back into it again. It got me out of the house last weekend when I was feeling very low and it really helped.
I've never heard of WRAP but going to look more into it.

A poster said: You'll be forgotten almost immediately after you die, so try to be an averagely ok human for the next 3 decades. Don't worry about being a superhero or anything grand.

I'm sorry but that's really not helpful. I'm not trying to find a cure for cancer, I just want be a 'normal' person who enjoys life, I'm struggling with that at the moment, its nothing about trying to achieve great things.

Hey OP I'm delighted you replied here. I often wonder how you're getting on. Good on you for making the effort last weekend. It's hard but the effort is usually worth it. And even if you feel it didn't go as planned, dont allow it to be the end all. It's just one moment, one glitch in a 24 hr day. Best of luck with the journey. You are wiser than you were before. Use it to your advantage.
Take care.