The cold approach or just go with the flow?

Mister Vain

When it comes to meeting the ladies, which has worked best for you? Personally I don't know any couples that have met as a result of a guy approaching a complete stranger and chatting her up, and I've never met anyone that way myself, although I'm sure there are a few couples out there that have met this way.

I've always found the cold approach a bit contrived, granted it does take balls. Any women I have been with it was always completely random, through friends or bumping into a woman outside a chippers on a night out and knocking the food out of her hand for example. In other words, I was never successful when I actually went out and looked for a woman or when I was trying to be proactive. I think when you're not looking you're not trying as hard. Then again if you're not looking and not having any luck then maybe the proactive approach is necessary.

ancapailldorcha

I haven't made a "cold approach" in ages. I generally try to give compliments such as "That's definitely your colour" or something. I've come to enjoy my own company so don't tend to frequent pubs/nightclubs too much anymore.

HalloweenJack

Whatever suits you and what you're most comfortable with.

If going up and talking to a stranger isn't for you, it'll come across as you talk to her and probably won't appear very confident in your approach, tbh.

If it's something you want to do then I guess it's something you'll need to work on.

Mister Vain

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I haven't made a "cold approach" in ages. I generally try to give compliments such as "That's definitely your colour" or something. I've come to enjoy my own company so don't tend to frequent pubs/nightclubs too much anymore.

Same here. I don't have much interest in the clubs anymore, well actually I never did, but I'm probably a bit old for them now anyway. I think as you get older its easy to become set in your ways. I have done the cold approach plenty of times in my 20's but a lot of that was down to peer pressure and the expectations of being a lad. I think I'm happier in myself now though.

ancapailldorcha

Mister Vain wrote: »

Same here. I don't have much interest in the clubs anymore, well actually I never did, but I'm probably a bit old for them now anyway. I think as you get older its easy to become set in your ways. I have done the cold approach plenty of times in my 20's but a lot of that was down to peer pressure and the expectations of being a lad. I think I'm happier in myself now though.

I actually adore nightclubs when I'm with friends which is rare. Then again, that opinion would almost certainly change if I was going more than a few times a year. They're not places where you would expect to establish a good relationship though I've seen that happen.

Panthro

I actually know a guy (pure chancer!) Who went up to a girl at a bar and said 'did you fart?! Because you blew me away!".

They now have kids.

Couples meet in the strangest of circumstances.

Wibbs

I'd be the extrovert type, so mostly it has been cold approach going on(when I didn't know someone already). Then again I'd put the talk on anyone. For those who wouldn't I'd say just engage in some form. Doesn't have to be anything like some full on nutbag vibe. But IMHO you have to engage in some fashion, however low key. That goes for making friends as well as in the romantic sphere.

Panthro wrote:

I actually know a guy (pure chancer!) Who went up to a girl at a bar and said 'did you fart?! Because you blew me away!".

They now have kids.

That could work and clearly did.

DavidRamsay99

Mister Vain wrote: »

When it comes to meeting the ladies, which has worked best for you? Personally I don't know any couples that have met as a result of a guy approaching a complete stranger and chatting her up, and I've never met anyone that way myself, although I'm sure there are a few couples out there that have met this way.

I've always found the cold approach a bit contrived, granted it does take balls. Any women I have been with it was always completely random, through friends or bumping into a woman outside a chippers on a night out and knocking the food out of her hand for example. In other words, I was never successful when I actually went out and looked for a woman or when I was trying to be proactive. I think when you're not looking you're not trying as hard. Then again if you're not looking and not having any luck then maybe the proactive approach is necessary.

It's not magic or rocket science. It just takes practice, basic cop on and devil may care attitude.
It doesn't take "balls" at all. What can a woman do to you but reject you? Are women Gestapo agents or something? And if she does reject you why the hell would you care less? Her loss.
I know plenty of guys who consistently can get a woman every time they go out.
You can meet women any time and any where. Simple as that.
You seem to be racked by guilt or something as if you are committing a crime or taking a woman by force.
Women want to be picked up and if you ever overhear women talking they always complain about men not making any move at all.

ancapailldorcha

You do not speak for all women so please stop generalising.

As for the "approach" that has worked for me - it has been no approach at all. I have never really pursued women with any such intention by any approach at all. Rather - I have merely gotten to know people and relationships have just evolved of their own accord into different types - including romantic.

I guess I do not see the opposite sex as a target in and of themselves - but I see relationships as things that happen along the roads I do walk in my life.

DavidRamsay99

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

You do not speak for all women so please stop generalising.

I didn't say I did.

Anyway this thread is about whether the cold approach works or not so how can one avoid generalizing?

So maybe this sexist misogynist thread should be shut down?

ancapailldorcha

DavidRamsay99 wrote: »

Women want to be picked up and if you ever overhear women talking they always complain about men not making any move at all.

This is both a lazy generalisation and below the standard of posting expected here. Also, please do not dispute mod decisions on the thread.

Potatoeman

DavidRamsay99 wrote: »

Women want to be picked up and if you ever overhear women talking they always complain about men not making any move at all.

There is no harm approaching women that might be interested but you can usually tell by eye contact, that said some women are very flirty even though they have a boyfriend or are not interested.

The making a move thing depends on the individual and what they are looking for. Women can be just as bad at sending signals as men are at reading them.

Wibbs

DavidRamsay99 your ninja edit won't help, enough people saw your post. Take a week off for personal abuse.

Slattsy

DavidRamsay99 wrote: »

It's not magic or rocket science. It just takes practice, basic cop on and devil may care attitude.
It doesn't take "balls" at all. What can a woman do to you but reject you? Are women Gestapo agents or something? And if she does reject you why the hell would you care less? Her loss.
I know plenty of guys who consistently can get a woman every time they go out.
You can meet women any time and any where. Simple as that.
You seem to be racked by guilt or something as if you are committing a crime or taking a woman by force.
Women want to be picked up and if you ever overhear women talking they always complain about men not making any move at all.

I actually think that's spot on. (except the bit i've striked-through)

Edit - never my style, but you shouldnt be afraid to ask. Whats the worst that can happen, and who cares if she says no..

Mister Vain

Just to clear things up, I don't think there's anything wrong with the cold approach. I was just wondering how many people have actually met women that way as opposed to just meeting them randomly, or when you aren't trying. Which has worked best for you in the past?

triple nipple

kick him in the nards !

ancapailldorcha

triple nipple wrote: »

kick him in the nards !

If you have nothing constructive to add, please don't post.

Alf Veedersane

More often than not it happened more by 'accident' than design. I was never particularly good at generating conversation with a girl I was attracted top because the fact I was attracted to her usually made me tongue tied.

More often than not it was through being in a place where we ended up gravitating towards each other and things developed. A couple of occasions my assumption they weren't interested allowed me to talk more freely except it turned out they were interested and WAHEY!

But the former was how I ended up where I am now. I was at a house party of a teammate who had only recently joined the team.

If I was relying on my ability to meet someone in a pub or club, I'd be lost! I think...

walkingshadow

I don't think the cold approach works in Ireland. Approach a random girl here and you are more than likely to be either ignored, or get a "da fuk da want ya weirdo?"

Mister Vain

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

More often than not it happened more by 'accident' than design. I was never particularly good at generating conversation with a girl I was attracted top because the fact I was attracted to her usually made me tongue tied.

More often than not it was through being in a place where we ended up gravitating towards each other and things developed. A couple of occasions my assumption they weren't interested allowed me to talk more freely except it turned out they were interested and WAHEY!

But the former was how I ended up where I am now. I was at a house party of a teammate who had only recently joined the team.

If I was relying on my ability to meet someone in a pub or club, I'd be lost! I think...

I can definitely relate to the parts in bold. When you think they're not interested then you're not trying as hard. You often meet someone when you're not looking. My ex was actually married when I first met her. We were kind of flirting for a while but when I found out she was married I backed off. We eventually starting seeing each other though and she left the husband.

As for the pubs and clubs, yeah they've always been a bit of a mystery to me. Shouting in someones ear trying to get a conversation going just never resulted in anything.

ancapailldorcha

Rereg troll's post and reply deleted.

Electric Boobs

walkingshadow wrote: »

I don't think the cold approach works in Ireland. Approach a random girl here and you are more than likely to be either ignored, or get a "da fuk da want ya weirdo?"

I actually can't say I've ever got a girl deliberately be rude to me. I mean they might ignore you, or give a laugh, but I'd never expect to get "da fuk da ya want" out of them.

One night recently, I approached this young girl, and as soon as she could see what I was trying, she literally moved away quite fast... like as if I was a grizzly bear or something! I felt like shouting 'grow up'

Mister Vain

Electric Boobs wrote: »

I actually can't say I've ever got a girl deliberately be rude to me. I mean they might ignore you, or give a laugh, but I'd never expect to get "da fuk da ya want" out of them.

One night recently, I approached this young girl, and as soon as she could see what I was trying, she literally moved away quite fast... like as if I was a grizzly bear or something! I felt like shouting 'grow up'

I think he meant they look at you as if to say da fuk da ya want. But yeah I usually experience the silence treatment too or else they just poke fun. Generally if they're in a group they make fun of ye, but I've often approached a girl on her own and tried talking to her and she'd just walk off and say nothing.

H3llR4iser

Mister Vain wrote: »

As for the pubs and clubs, yeah they've always been a bit of a mystery to me. Shouting in someones ear trying to get a conversation going just never resulted in anything.

This. For some reason I can't quite figure out nor understand, I am totally rubbish at picking up what someone is saying in a loud environment, when everyone around is actually able to just do so. It's not a language issue - the same used to happen when I still was in my country.

And it's not an hearing problem - I actually got myself tested as I was growing quite worried! Essentially, for some reason, by brain seems to be unable to separate the stuff I am trying to listen to from the "background noise"

Electric Boobs wrote: »

I actually can't say I've ever got a girl deliberately be rude to me. I mean they might ignore you, or give a laugh, but I'd never expect to get "da fuk da ya want" out of them.

One night recently, I approached this young girl, and as soon as she could see what I was trying, she literally moved away quite fast... like as if I was a grizzly bear or something! I felt like shouting 'grow up'

Been there. On the spot it's quite annoying, but I admit having a great laugh telling a couple of friends about it .

What to say, it's not just guys that can be childish and obnoxious...

Mister Vain wrote: »

I think he meant they look at you as if to say da fuk da ya want. But yeah I usually experience the silence treatment too or else they just poke fun. Generally if they're in a group they make fun of ye, but I've often approached a girl on her own and tried talking to her and she'd just walk off and say nothing.

Plenty of this, it's usually the ones that are "out with the girls" and got briefly separated from the group.

All in all I am fine with even a bit of slagging, as long as it doesn't take the insulting turn - and I have met plenty of women out there who almost immediately resort to just that, usually after enough alcohol has been circulating through their veins...

Mister Vain

H3llR4iser wrote: »

This. For some reason I can't quite figure out nor understand, I am totally rubbish at picking up what someone is saying in a loud environment, when everyone around is actually able to just do so. It's not a language issue - the same used to happen when I still was in my country.

Then you've people telling you that you've no game or are useless at chatting up. I can chat to people in any other environment, but in a club where you have Rihanna playing at 100 decibels it can be a tad difficult.

Potatoeman

H3llR4iser wrote: »

This. For some reason I can't quite figure out nor understand, I am totally rubbish at picking up what someone is saying in a loud environment, when everyone around is actually able to just do so. It's not a language issue - the same used to happen when I still was in my country.

And it's not an hearing problem - I actually got myself tested as I was growing quite worried! Essentially, for some reason, by brain seems to be unable to separate the stuff I am trying to listen to from the "background noise"



Been there. On the spot it's quite annoying, but I admit having a great laugh telling a couple of friends about it .

What to say, it's not just guys that can be childish and obnoxious...



Plenty of this, it's usually the ones that are "out with the girls" and got briefly separated from the group.

All in all I am fine with even a bit of slagging, as long as it doesn't take the insulting turn - and I have met plenty of women out there who almost immediately resort to just that, usually after enough alcohol has been circulating through their veins...

If you cant talk to people in clubs go to the smoking section its quiter there.

I have got the silent treatment before, its not that common but you remember when it happens. Usually at the bar as I chat to whoevers there if there is a queue. I usually just talk to whoevers on the other side. Most of the time they feel pretty silly when you just start talking to the other person as they assumed you were hitting on them rather than just chatting to someone while waiting.

I work with people from other countries and some of the guys have said that they were surprised by it as they expect Irish people to be friendly but find Irish night life very hit and miss.

Mister Vain

Potatoeman wrote: »

If you cant talk to people in clubs go to the smoking section its quiter there.

I have got the silent treatment before, its not that common but you remember when it happens. Usually at the bar as I chat to whoevers there if there is a queue. I usually just talk to whoevers on the other side. Most of the time they feel pretty silly when you just start talking to the other person as they assumed you were hitting on them rather than just chatting to someone while waiting.

I work with people from other countries and some of the guys have said that they were surprised by it as they expect Irish people to be friendly but find Irish night life very hit and miss.

If I go to the smoking section I'll be coughing in their ear rather than shouting in it. I couldn't be dealing with all that smoke.

With regards to the Irish nightlife, I've heard people from other countries say similar. The Irish are known for being very friendly and great craic, but I think that craic mostly exists in cliques. I don't think we're as open to being approached by strangers, at least not as much as other places I've seen anyway.

The Christmas parties are a good example of this. Usually there would be be a few different companies at the same venue but each company tends to stick to their own. They might mingle a bit later on in the night when everyone is pissed but I've always found the Irish nightlife in general to be quite clannish. I lived in Canada for a while and found it completely different.