Housemate wants to move her boyfriend in

glasagusban

We are two girls sharing a small apartment and my housemate wants to move her boyfriend in. Not sure whether she sees me moving out or adjusting rent between three in that scenario but:
1. It's a very small apartment and I don't want a third person moving in.
And
2. I don't want to move out, the place suits me at the moment and I expect I won't be able to find somewhere similar without increased rent.

Have I any rights here? Can she just move another person in against my wishes?

Calina

glasagusban wrote: »

We are two girls sharing a small apartment and my housemate wants to move her boyfriend in. Not sure whether she sees me moving out or adjusting rent between three in that scenario but:
1. It's a very small apartment and I don't want a third person moving in.
And
2. I don't want to move out, the place suits me at the moment and I expect I won't be able to find somewhere similar without increased rent.

Have I any rights here? Can she just move another person in against my wishes?

Whose name is on the lease?

WoollyRedHat

Tell her straight out that you dont want her BF to move in. If that doesn't sway her, drop subtle hints that you very much fancy the bloke and might find him irrestible to you should he move in.

AlanG

make sure that at a min the rent and housework is split 3 ways. Also suggest that you may get someone else in and ask do they think there is room for 4?

glasagusban

Calina wrote: »

Whose name is on the lease?

Out of lease. Originally her name and a previous tenant. I replaced the first co tenant, the landlord is aware of this though no new lease was drawn up.

The_Morrigan

WoollyRedHat wrote: »

Tell her straight out that you dont want her BF to move in. If that doesn't sway her, drop subtle hints that you very much fancy the bloke and might find him irrestible to you should he move in.

Keep it constructive and helpful please.

the_syco

glasagusban wrote: »

Out of lease. Originally her name and a previous tenant. I replaced the first co tenant, the landlord is aware of this though no new lease was drawn up.

Is the landlord aware of the possibility of the boyfriend moving in?

Michael D Not Higgins

glasagusban wrote: »

Out of lease. Originally her name and a previous tenant. I replaced the first co tenant, the landlord is aware of this though no new lease was drawn up.

Sounds like you're technically a licencee of your roommate. Since there was no new lease or assignment, this means you technically don't have the legal rights of a tenant.

The first thing you should do is ask your roommate not to move her boyfriend in for the reasons you outlined. Secondly, if she doesn't cooperate, approach the landlord about it.

Calina

AlanG wrote: »

make sure that at a min the rent and housework is split 3 ways. Also suggest that you may get someone else in and ask do they think there is room for 4?

My guess is the flatmate will put the "I was here first" line.

But having lived with a couple, my general intention is never again to do it. Couples are insufferable to live with. I think if they want to live together they should arrange to do it without flatmates.

MagicMarker

AlanG wrote: »

make sure that at a min the rent and housework is split 3 ways. Also suggest that you may get someone else in and ask do they think there is room for 4?

OP don't do any of this.

What you SHOULD do is put your foot down and refuse to allow her BF move in.

If you allow it then it's just the first step towards YOU moving out.

There is no compromise here.

Mrs OBumble

OP, the other way for this to go is for your housemate and her BF to move in together elsewhere.

Are you prepared to pick up the lease yourself if this happens? Granted you can get another housemate in, but there's likely to be at least some time in the middle when you'd be liable for the whole rent - can you afford this? If you can't, then you need to think about the consequences of refusing to let the BF in.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

OP, the other way for this to go is for your housemate and her BF to move in together elsewhere.

Are you prepared to pick up the lease yourself if this happens? Granted you can get another housemate in, but there's likely to be at least some time in the middle when you'd be liable for the whole rent - can you afford this? If you can't, then you need to think about the consequences of refusing to let the BF in.

Depending where the OP lives, she may be able to get someone in pretty much immediately.

OP I would definitely not do this. As someone said above, if you let him in, it's the first step in you eventually moving out. Effectively they don't want the hassle of looking for a place together, and unfortunately, you're the one who will end up being inconvenienced. The way I see it, this can only go one of two ways. She will pull the "I was here first card" and either you will move out, or the will just let him move in anyway, whereupon you will move out.

Also, even if it all goes swimmingly and you are happy for him to move in, then there will be the argument over how to split the rent. Invariably they will argue that they should only pay half between the two of them as they are only taking up one room - regardless that there is a third person taking up space in the house. And that's on the assumption that the LL doesn't raise the rent to take into account a third person.

Don't do it. Just don't do it.

Mint Aero

That's nice alright OP, basically her cost of living is halved, shared food with bf, shared rent etc. Gonna assume she hasn't offered to reduce your rent to 33%? :rolleyes: Meanwhile they take over the apt and you'll feel awks living with them as it becomes their place and less yours. Would not recommend, that's my two pence worth. Goodluck.

daheff

MagicMarker wrote: »

O

If you allow it then it's just the first step towards YOU moving out.

I'm guessing this is what the flatmate wants. She likes the apartment too and wants it for her & boyf.


OP its a no win situation. My advice is to start looking for somewhere else to live. Your flatmate was there first, so most likely landlord would side with her if it comes to choosing between you.

If you put your foot down and say boyf isnt moving in, your worst case is that her boyf stays over 6/7 nights a week without paying rent, but never 'officially' moves in.

I know someone who was in pretty much the same situation before.

Girl 1 is you, and girl 2 wanted the boyfriend to move in. Girl 2 and Boyfriend had been together about 3 months at the time.

Girl 1 said no to the boyfriend, but as girl 2 was there first, and the landlord didnt mind (though he did a marginal increase in the rent, I think), the boyfriend was moved in.

Within a month Girl 1 decided enough was enough and moved out. So girl 2 got the place to herself and her boyfriend (but landlord wouldn't reduce rent to the lower rate again). Then they found out they 'weren't compatible' and the Boyfriend pretty much told her to Feck off, and walked out, leaving Girl 2 on her own.

She asked girl 1 to move back, but she'd already found a place to live and wasn't willing to move back because she'd taken a dislike to girl 2 and didnt appreciate the higher rent costs for the same place. Eventually, saddled with the rent on her own, Girl 2 had no choice but to move back home til she figured a plan together.


No one won in that situation.


That said, this could be different. Girl 2 was only seeing the chap for a short while in the story above. Maybe your housemate has a more concrete relationship?

goz83

They might also be very loud in the bedroom and in such a small apartment, well, that might result in you losing sleep, as well as your mind.

murphaph

Michael D Not Higgins wrote: »

Sounds like you're technically a licencee of your roommate. Since there was no new lease or assignment, this means you technically don't have the legal rights of a tenant.

The first thing you should do is ask your roommate not to move her boyfriend in for the reasons you outlined. Secondly, if she doesn't cooperate, approach the landlord about it.

If she pays rent to the landlord then she is a tenant of his, written lease or not.

Greenmachine

daheff wrote: »

I'm guessing this is what the flatmate wants. She likes the apartment too and wants it for her & boyf.


OP its a no win situation. My advice is to start looking for somewhere else to live. Your flatmate was there first, so most likely landlord would side with her if it comes to choosing between you.

If you put your foot down and say boyf isnt moving in, your worst case is that her boyf stays over 6/7 nights a week without paying rent, but never 'officially' moves in.

They could do that anyway. It does sound like the OP will likely have to move out unfortunately. I have seen a housemate move a partner in to suit themselves financially, when they barely knew them, and without asking.
If I was the OP, I would approach the housemate, and request if they are adamant on moving their partner in, that they wait till she has secured a place of her own elsewhere. If they are expecting to share the apartment still, perhaps place the ad, as a goodwill gesture but let them pick their new housemate. I hope the OP was not friend with their housemate, other than living together.

castle

Put yourself in her position what would you do, you in love with BF and want to live with him. she is right to ask him to move if she wants as flat in her name. Don't fall out over it you might actually be okay with it give it a try and remember you will have most cash as split 3 ways. But do set ground rules if you not happy after that then you can always move out,

Wabbit Ears

Been there done that. Op move out . It sucks but it will never happen that rent and utilities will be split 3 ways. You will be the 3's a crowd extra in your own home.

Optimalprimerib

Easy answer, if you don't want to share , move out. You refuse to let him move in, the two of you will lose your friendship Or she will move out doubling the rent for you until you find someone else.

In a shared apartment, this is just a fact of life that as unsavoury as it is, you just need to get on with it.

mickdw

Say if your place costs 1000 per month, I would have though 350 rent for you, 650 for them would be reasonable due to sharing with all other bills equally split. Sharing with a couple would be a nightmare though even if he pays his share

Mongfinder General

castle wrote: »

Put yourself in her position what would you do, you in love with BF and want to live with him. she is right to ask him to move if she wants as flat in her name. Don't fall out over it you might actually be okay with it give it a try and remember you will have most cash as split 3 ways. But do set ground rules if you not happy after that then you can always move out,

Don't let this happen. Couples are animals.

Arbiter of Good Taste

castle wrote: »

Put yourself in her position what would you do, you in love with BF and want to live with him. she is right to ask him to move if she wants as flat in her name. Don't fall out over it you might actually be okay with it give it a try and remember you will have most cash as split 3 ways. But do set ground rules if you not happy after that then you can always move out,

No, she is not right to ask him to move in. The right thing would be to give the OP reasonable notice to give the OP time to find a replacement roommate, and to move into a new place with the BF. But the other girl wants to live with her BF but doesn't want the hassle of finding a new place. She's being extremely selfish.

El_Duderino 09

It depends on a lot of other factors too. What kind of character is the guy and what stage of life is he at? If he's a 30 year old 9-5 professional who enjoys keeping a clean house, pays bills in advance, knows how to resolve conflict, when it's appropriate to have people over, when the couple are hogging the communal areas and has successfully lived with people in the past then it could work fine.

If he's a student type who likes to party and lounge around in his dirty boxers, then its never going to work out.

Same with you and your stage of life. I lived with a fella and my partner. It worked great for 2.5 years out of 3. We're still friends now. We were all older students and my partner is a professional. There was conflict around the standards of cleanliness and coming home late at night when she had work in the morning but we made it work.

Definitely split all bills in 3 and no messing with money or cleaning. Set up a rota for cleaning and propose a trial month where he keeps his old place and moves in to yours full time. If he's a lazy slob then and expects you both to be his mammy then you can call a halt to it.

I wouldn't do it again but it served it's purpose at the time.

Panda_Turtle

No you cannot live with a couple if you can help it. I did it for a while and I think I damaged my teeth with the grinding from stress.

If its for a few weeks and everything is split 3 ways then maybe.

Calina

castle wrote: »

Put yourself in her position what would you do, you in love with BF and want to live with him. she is right to ask him to move if she wants as flat in her name. Don't fall out over it you might actually be okay with it give it a try and remember you will have most cash as split 3 ways. But do set ground rules if you not happy after that then you can always move out,

If I were in love with someone and wanted to move in with him, I'd find a place for the two of us. It is not right to tell your flatmate you want your boyfriend to move in. Put yourself in the flatmate's position. The one wanting to move the boyfriend in is being selfish.

El_Duderino 09

Of course its reasonable to ask in the same way that it's reasonable to reply. OP hasn't said whether it is a general inquiry in a hypothetical sense or if it's more of an ultimatum to get used to the idea or move out because it's happening.

OP have you replied to the housemates question or asked how serious she is about moving him in?

CatFromHue

Couples in a small apartment, no thanks!

As others have said if he does move in you'll end up being a guest in their apartment. That may not be by design by the couple but that's how it usually ends up.