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Access to twin babies

  • 23-04-2015 11:49pm
    #1
    mick2015
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 ✭


    Hi I'm not sure if I'm posting this in right place I'm new here but hopefully someone can help me?

    Need some advice I've just separated from my partner we have 10mth old twins. He has an addiction problem and mental health issues that he is getting help for. I don't want to stop him seeing the babies and want to try work something out without the courts. But he is being very difficult at the moment. I realise he is angry with me for leaving after yet another alcohol and drug binge!! But he wants to see as much of babies as possible he is a good dad when sober!! However I don't want to leave babies with him overnight or for long periods. What is a typical access visit for a father with small babies? I know everyone is different but would like an idea of what everyone else is doing? Please


Comments

  • #2
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,986 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    http://www.treoir.ie/ might be able to help you.
    Every case is different .


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I realise you want to be fair to your ex here but first and foremost you have to put the safety of your children first. I'm separated from my alcoholic & prescription drug addicted husband due to his addictions and until he gets clean I am agreeing to him having weekly supervised access, conditional on him being 100% sober (including not being pill addled) at the time of the visit. I feel like absolute crap about it as tbh, I do love my husband and I hate hurting him even more than he is currently hurting himself. But he is a danger to himself and others as he is and he is utterly incapable of taking care of a vulnerable child. Be as fair to him as you can about access, if he gets sober it will be best all around for your children to know him and have a relationship with him that can be built on but first and foremost you need to look honestly at if your children are safe with him. There is little point to him being a wonderful father when sober if he isn't sober and two little babies (especially those who are newly mobile - or soon will be) need someone 100% capable of looking after them.

    The other advice I have is that if they are at all receptive, try to maintain a relationship with your exes family for your children's sake. I have told my ex-in laws that they have an open inivation to visit. As far as I'm concerned that just because my husband is incapable of giving my son a proper father, it is then all the more important for him to have a strong relationship with his paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I know a lot of people in my position take the stance that each parent is responsible for their children's relationship with their own family but in a case where the other parent isn't going to take that responsibility, I think that ensuring that the child has a strong link to both sides of the family is important where possible.


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