protective order

Joshua5

hi all,

I had an argument with my ex, it was raised voices. to cut a long story short we are in the process of divorce, agreed on mediation and the outcome we'd like. We were due to discuss the next steps.

Anyhow what has happened has shocked me to the core. My current partner is pregnant and it got back to my ex, long story but it shouldn't have.

The news broke to her last week. So on our discussion on Sunday she said lets set a date for the medication which I agreed, I was happy about. But then she dropped a bomb shell. She wants me to sign over our house which I've paid the last ten years of mortgage on to her. The original agreement was she can live there until our children are of age to move on themselves. I planned on selling my share to give them a start on the housing ladder.

Anyway after said no she said that's fine, see you in court. We actually got on just fine until Sunday. I said relax and lets talk and she wouldn't. She told me to leave the property which I said I didn't need to, I was just after dropping my kids home. I do pay the mortgage and I wanted to finish off with them in the garden. She called the gardai on me....

The didn't say much to me except clear off. I said on what basis and they said the woman is in fear of you. I asked them to explain and they said look it up online...

I didn't wan tto cause a scene so I left. Monday I got a text from her, 'I have a protective order'

Tuesday I got a summons under the domestic violence act. The statement says I pushed her, I struck her, I threw things in her face and I said I'd kill her parents. Real Action film stuff... None of this happened.

I'm ****ting it now, it's my word against hers and I've a guilty face. I work full time but all my money goes basically on the maintenance and mortgage so I can't afford a solicitor. How do you defend something like this, I think they'll throw the book at me.

hopgog

Joshua5 wrote: »

hi all,

I had an argument with my ex, it was raised voices. to cut a long story short we are in the process of divorce, agreed on mediation and the outcome we'd like. We were due to discuss the next steps.

Anyhow what has happened has shocked me to the core. My current partner is pregnant and it got back to my ex, long story but it shouldn't have.

The news broke to her last week. So on our discussion on Sunday she said lets set a date for the medication which I agreed, I was happy about. But then she dropped a bomb shell. She wants me to sign over our house which I've paid the last ten years of mortgage on to her. The original agreement was she can live there until our children are of age to move on themselves. I planned on selling my share to give them a start on the housing ladder.

Anyway after said no she said that's fine, see you in court. We actually got on just fine until Sunday. I said relax and lets talk and she wouldn't. She told me to leave the property which I said I didn't need to, I was just after dropping my kids home. I do pay the mortgage and I wanted to finish off with them in the garden. She called the gardai on me....

The didn't say much to me except clear off. I said on what basis and they said the woman is in fear of you. I asked them to explain and they said look it up online...

I didn't wan tto cause a scene so I left. Monday I got a text from her, 'I have a protective order'

Tuesday I got a summons under the domestic violence act. The statement says I pushed her, I struck her, I threw things in her face and I said I'd kill her parents. Real Action film stuff... None of this happened.

I'm ****ting it now, it's my word against hers and I've a guilty face. I work full time but all my money goes basically on the maintenance and mortgage so I can't afford a solicitor. How do you defend something like this, I think they'll throw the book at me.

Good luck you will need it.

Joshua5

thanks for the good luck, I know I'll need it.. I gather I'm pretty much screwed

Zambia

Joshua5 wrote: »

thanks for the good luck, I know I'll need it.. I gather I'm pretty much screwed

Your not screwed. Talk to a solicitor first thing in the morning.

Joshua5

I can't afford it man

ct5amr2ig1nfhp

Contact the legal aid board immediately. Also worth giving COSC (cosc.ie) a call for advice.

Nemanrio

Good luck fella. Sounds like it will get messy.

I assume she would have had to show pictures of these alleged injuries to get this order?

Sorry I can't offer anything meaningful.

Joshua5

Zambia wrote: »

Your not screwed. Talk to a solicitor first thing in the morning.

Harry Large Track wrote: »

Contact the legal aid board immediately. Also worth giving COSC (cosc.ie) a call for advice.

I don't qualify for legal aid. I did try already, I'll have to represent myself.
Thanks for the cosc.ie but I'm the accused so I don't think they'll help me. I just can't believe it, I'm still in shock. My nerves are shot right now.

Joshua5

Nemanrio wrote: »

Good luck fella. Sounds like it will get messy.

I assume she would have had to show pictures of these alleged injuries to get this order?

Sorry I can't offer anything meaningful.

There is no injuries, sure the gardai where there. I seen where this was going on that day and I asked the gardai to charge me if I had done anything or interview me. They just said leave, she's in fear of you. I had to leave because they caused a scene with my children. But I didn't get questioned or charged at all. I did insist on it though and they said there is nothing they would charge me with.

Nemanrio

Joshua5 wrote: »

There is no injuries, sure the gardai where there. I seen where this was going on that day and I asked the gardai to charge me if I had done anything or interview me. They just said leave, she's in fear of you. I had to leave because they caused a scene with my children. But I didn't get questioned or charged at all. I did insist on it though and they said there is nothing they would charge me with.

Did she have to provide any evidence when getting a protective order against you?

Goshen

You can't really afford NOT to get a solicitor. Make some arrangement with them.

Stheno

Goshen wrote: »

You can't really afford NOT to get a solicitor. Make some arrangement with them.

Agreed op do what you have to to see a solicitor

Goshen

Btw - as far as I know - she can't get a protective order against you without you being informed of her application and being given the option of appearing in your own defence. So I would imagine that is a lie (unless she hid the summons?).
ETA - she can get an interim order in your absence, but then you would be summonsed to the hearing for the full order.

notabasicb

Book an appointment with a FLAC Family Law advisor ASAP. If you are based in Dublin they have several family law clinics each week. Many many people represent themselves in family law proceedings.

ct5amr2ig1nfhp

That doesn't matter. They'll still be able to give you good advise. Give them a call and explain your situation.

Joshua5 wrote: »

I don't qualify for legal aid. I did try already, I'll have to represent myself.
Thanks for the cosc.ie but I'm the accused so I don't think they'll help me. I just can't believe it, I'm still in shock. My nerves are shot right now.

Joshua5

Nemanrio wrote: »

Did she have to provide any evidence when getting a protective order against you?

All I know is we had an argument on Sunday, raised voices. The Gardaí where called, they did nothing. On Monday she sent me a text simply saying I have a protective order against you.

Tuesday I got a summons saying I'm in court in two weeks for a safety order with her statement on it. The statement said I pushed and struck her, I've been abusive etc.

Seems like she could get the protection order based on a chat in court without me being there.

Joshua5

Goshen wrote: »

Btw - as far as I know - she can't get a protective order against you without you being informed of her application and being given the option of appearing in your own defence. So I would imagine that is a lie (unless she hid the summons?).
ETA - she can get an interim order in your absence, but then you would be summonsed to the hearing for the full order.

That's exactly what has happened. She got the order, then I got the summons for two weeks time.

Joshua5

notabasicb wrote: »

Book an appointment with a FLAC Family Law advisor ASAP. If you are based in Dublin they have several family law clinics each week. Many many people represent themselves in family law proceedings.

I had spoken to a solicitor, it's in the Drogheda court. He advised me they always rule in favour of the mother. Even if I produce evidence I'm a reasonable person they will twist it to say it was a motive.... Haven't slept in days now. The stress could kill me before the hearing anyway

Goshen

Joshua5 wrote: »

All I know is we had an argument on Sunday, raised voices. The Gardaí where called, they did nothing. On Monday she sent me a text simply saying I have a protective order against you.

Tuesday I got a summons saying I'm in court in two weeks for a safety order with her statement on it. The statement said I pushed and struck her, I've been abusive etc.

Seems like she could get the protection order based on a chat in court without me being there.

Ok, so she has an interim order. Go to court in 2 weeks time anyway. If you don't appear, it will likely be awarded in your absence. It will be a private hearing (you and your solicitor and her and her solicitor, the judge and the court clerk). You WILL need a solicitor though or you might aswell not bother your ass. It's better if you have a solicitor to do the talking for you really.

Goshen

Also - I would completely disagree that the court always rules in the mother's favour.

dollyk

I think drogheda courts do rule in favour for the mother
Also if its in drogheda court, get a solicitor from there.
Good luck. No point in stressing, what will be will be as they say.
Went through a messy divorce a while back, and survived.

Joshua5

dollyk wrote: »

I think drogheda courts do rule in favour for the mother
Also if its in drogheda court, get a solicitor from there.
Good luck. No point in stressing, what will be will be as they say.
Went through a messy divorce a while back, and survived.

thanks for the good luck, I can't help but stress. As someone said to me this is a personal attack used as a chess move to get the upper hand in the divorce.

Joshua5

I'm wondering, in case a miracle happens and it is found that this is fabricated would she need to pay my costs of a solicitor if I did get one?

Goshen

Joshua5 wrote: »

I'm wondering, in case a miracle happens and it is found that this is fabricated would she need to pay my costs of a solicitor if I did get one?

No.

Nemanrio

Joshua5 wrote: »

All I know is we had an argument on Sunday, raised voices. The Gardaí where called, they did nothing. On Monday she sent me a text simply saying I have a protective order against you.

Tuesday I got a summons saying I'm in court in two weeks for a safety order with her statement on it. The statement said I pushed and struck her, I've been abusive etc.

Seems like she could get the protection order based on a chat in court without me being there.

Seems unfair that you can get a protextive order without giving some kind of evidence.

Joshua5 wrote: »

thanks for the good luck, I can't help but stress. As someone said to me this is a personal attack used as a chess move to get the upper hand in the divorce.

Hopefully that move may back fire so.

Joshua5

Goshen wrote: »

No.

So she gets free legal aid and I get screwed either way for a big bill... She's on a win win here.

Joshua5

Nemanrio wrote: »

Seems unfair that you can get a protextive order without giving some kind of evidence.



Hopefully that move may back fire so.

This is all because she found out about another baby on the way and she is trying to protect herself or she's jealous. Nothing was going to change.

Saying I've always been abusive is unreal, that's what really gets to me.
I did everything for her and more, even when we split up I always had her back no matter what.

Fatscally

ah yes, the good auwl Protection Order. The woman's favourite bullying tool. "He farted at me and I seek the protection of the courts" (queue the crocodile tears). She's likely getting legal advice and therefore so should you.

The PO is at this stage only an unsubstantiated allegation that you have to defend against or else it will be escalated to a SAFETY ORDER and even a BARRING ORDER denying you access to your kids which is what she's hoping to achieve purely on the grounds to be spiteful because it seems you have otherwise moved on happily with your life.

If she did get the PO you will get notice in the post in the next couple of days. It's a kick in the stones but she's just playing games with you, laugh it off. The Gardí in all cases will assess every situation and watch for any kind of threatening demeanour so be as cool as a tall Mojito at a BBQ. They are very aware of women abusing this. If you are not a wife beater then this is no issue for you, just don't let her draw you into arguments. Go the full Buddha on her and only offer her hippy happiness.

You can go to the courts and get a PO against her for good measure but I don't recommend it, it's tit for tat BS that can only make you look bad.


At the very least have a read of this, and then get yourself a good solicitor.
https://awakenlongford.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/guide-to-representing-yourself-in-court.pdf

AND get informed and support from people that have been put through the wringer by lovely wives that have turned sociopath on their husbands. http://www.uspi.ie/


Don't text her, email, skype, hangouts, whatsapp, viber, her. And watch what you say in her company as she may be recording you. Anything you do and say WILL be used against you.
Do not play fair. She has already lured you into a false sense of security and she is now going back on her word, this is not likely to stop. Do not concede anything because you're kind and decent and fair and you have respect - she doesn't, she's staging to slit your throat - defend yourself and do not let your guard down for another 24 months.
There are patterns that her legal team are well expecting you to follow like men throwing in the towel - do not do this, she'll take everything you own and your kids and put you to the street and laugh at you. She WILL stop you seeing your children to exercise spiteful control over you. So protect yourself legally and get a good solicitor. Put everything through your solicitor. If you can't afford one then cut her off. Tell her that as a result of her PO you now need to afford a solicitor to prepare for the courts. Say no more and walk off. Don't text it. The only thing you text is picking up and dropping off the kids. No "happy birthday luv" bs, she's on her own now and she's out to get you.


Keep receipts for everything you spend on the kids and her and list it in a table. Never hand her cash money, ALWAYS use bank transfers. Don't pay her in lou of anything without presentation of a receipt. Do not be "fair" with her when it comes to money, be factual. Remember she's on her own now.
For maintenance; the social would pay €30 per child per week so should you. You should pay half of what's needed for the kids she pays the other half. Fight to pay the lowest possible because it's around your neck until they're 18. It's only a hand out to her, it's nothing noble. She's likely getting child allowance too of €30 per child. If you want to pay more then you spend it on the kids directly in the form of clothes, toys and entertainment.

Good Luck pal!

Joshua5

Fatscally wrote: »

ah yes, the good auwl Protection Order. The woman's favourite bullying tool. "He farted at me and I seek the protection of the courts" (queue the crocodile tears). She's likely getting legal advice and therefore so should you.

The PO is at this stage only an unsubstantiated allegation that you have to defend against or else it will be escalated to a SAFETY ORDER and even a BARRING ORDER denying you access to your kids which is what she's hoping to achieve purely on the grounds to be spiteful because it seems you have otherwise moved on happily with your life.

If she did get the PO you will get notice in the post in the next couple of days. It's a kick in the stones but she's just playing games with you, laugh it off. The Gardí in all cases will assess every situation and watch for any kind of threatening demeanour so be as cool as a tall Mojito at a BBQ. They are very aware of women abusing this. If you are not a wife beater then this is no issue for you, just don't let her draw you into arguments. Go the full Buddha on her and only offer her hippy happiness.

You can go to the courts and get a PO against her for good measure but I don't recommend it, it's tit for tat BS that can only make you look bad.


At the very least have a read of this, and then get yourself a good solicitor.
https://awakenlongford.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/guide-to-representing-yourself-in-court.pdf

AND get informed and support from people that have been put through the wringer by lovely wives that have turned sociopath on their husbands. http://www.uspi.ie/


Don't text her, email, skype, hangouts, whatsapp, viber, her. And watch what you say in her company as she may be recording you. Anything you do and say WILL be used against you.
Do not play fair. She has already lured you into a false sense of security and she is now going back on her word, this is not likely to stop. Do not concede anything because you're kind and decent and fair and you have respect - she doesn't, she's staging to slit your throat - defend yourself and do not let your guard down for another 24 months.
There are patterns that her legal team are well expecting you to follow like men throwing in the towel - do not do this, she'll take everything you own and your kids and put you to the street and laugh at you. She WILL stop you seeing your children to exercise spiteful control over you. So protect yourself legally and get a good solicitor. Put everything through your solicitor. If you can't afford one then cut her off. Tell her that as a result of her PO you now need to afford a solicitor to prepare for the courts. Say no more and walk off. Don't text it. The only thing you text is picking up and dropping off the kids. No "happy birthday luv" bs, she's on her own now and she's out to get you.

Good Luck pal!

This post brightened my day, I've been so depressed but this actually picked me up. Thank you!

Pat Mustard

Fatscally wrote: »

ah yes, the good auwl Protection Order. The woman's favourite bullying tool. "He farted at me and I seek the protection of the courts" (queue the crocodile tears).

Mod:

Fatscally, this post is unacceptable. Please don't post in this thread again.

howamidifferent

Fatscally wrote: »

ah yes, the good auwl Protection Order.......
Good Luck pal!

Been there, done that bought the t-shirt. As you say this whole process is a game the solicitors play where they know the likely outcome 99% of the time.

Joshua5

howamidifferent wrote: »

Been there, done that bought the t-shirt. As you say this whole process is a game the solicitors play where they know the likely outcome 99% of the time.

At least if I'm prepared to be screwed I can get screwed with a smile... I wouldn't like to show weakness and defeat to someone that would do this to me.

Pat Mustard

Mod:

Fatscally banned and posts deleted for ignoring moderator instruction.

Joshua5

The general message I'm getting is she's fighting dirty and I need to stand up for myself. If I stop paying maintenance it will cripple her. How long before I'm pulled up on that?