The desperate cries and rants of Mr. A. Guy

LegacyUser

Hi

Don't know why I wanted to post anonymously but just felt insecure I suppose about how I was feeling. If you want press that click button now is the time to do it...otherwise be prepared for a mish-mash of overly sharing about my first world problems.

You may have to forgive me for this and this is probably the worst place to vent or cry but alas after a couple of hours I realised I actually don't have many or any friends to talk about stuff, serious or not so much. During a fight even my girlfriend pointed it out: I'm **** at making friends, and even friends I had, I just lost touch with them. Never was much of a talker myself, always that guy who was there and everyone knew and would say "hi" to, but i always felt in the background of my group of friends, if understand what i mean.

I land myself here because the first 3 Google recommendations and ads aimed at me focus on contacting Samaritans and er well; not harming myself,( not that I'd have the balls to do it but not that I have never thought about).

Situation 1:So I used to be in a rut: **** job, going nowhere and nothing to show for the money I earned, no car, bus wanker for life and lived in parents. Some friends. No Girlfriend, nor capable of pulling despite what some might say also had the same hobbies as a 16 year old kid: Porn, clothes and games. Did i say I was broke. (Own fault i'd buy **** stuff I'd never use or wear).

Situation 2: Now I've somewhat dug myself out of the rut, got back to school, got a girlfriend(more on this) but everything else is the same except I had more hair and wasn't as fat. No Friends. (living situation changed somewhat but not much, vastly better).

I recently broke up (Got dumped , comic relief and all that) with a long term girlfriend, half a decade, to be honest longest and most serious I've ever been in. Only time I've really cared and loved someone. We talked about future stuff, House, kids, rabbits, rings ect, the usual. I loved when she smiled and laughed, how she'd have her moments were I didn't want to do anything but hold her, when she took care of me when I was sick. She got me moving again, pushed me to do other stuff, got me thinking about college, Just gave me that push and inspired me to go forward instead of in circles. While Situation 2 isn't great, its still was miles better than situation 1 because of her.

Unfortunately I didn't show how much I loved her, or not as much as I should've. I fell (through my own doing) into an unwanted friend zone of sorts, neither of which we wanted. I believe and feel pysically and emotionally attracted, I just seemed to fail to act on it.

As moderately sad and desperate it sounds in my head, it feels so much worse when I think of not seeing her again. Feels like a part of my person has been ripped away.

I'll probably post more due to potential lack of sleep..

Mr. A. Guy.

Wibbs

Your post would be better here Mr Guy. Good luck anyway.

Rubberchikken

hope you'd have some sleep by now:)
i feel your ex did the pushing and the work for so long and was probably hoping you'd take up the slack and then get going, but if that didn't happen, yshe can't be blamed for not sticking around.

someone else can only do so much. we have to do the rest ourselves.

you sound like a good, funny person in a sad place at the moment. give it a little bit of time, then start giving some serious thought to what you want to do with life.

shaymus27

Above post makes sense.

Sounds like you've been in a bit of a rut for years.

You might need to look at your self-esteem and self motivation.

It's easy to drift in to friends from lovers.

You should use the break-up as a wake-up call to look at yourself and your life.

Your ex may have had enough but I think it would do you good and let her know that the man she cared about for so long cared for her, if you told her that all along you did love her but for some reason didn't show it. You might tell her that you appreciate all the effort she put in to the relationship and how she cared for you.

She may have a go at you as she has probably suffered in silence to some extent but will appreciate your honesty later.

You are not the only male to behave like that. It's a male thing to not communicate well. No-one tells you how to behave in life. Having great role models in the form of parents who behaved well to each other is a huge help, but otherwise a lot of things in life are never shown or explained to us.

Tell your ex how you felt but didn't show. Look at yourself and life. Learn from what has happened.

If you read the boards you will see flawed humans and flawed human relationships so you are not alone in not living your life as well as you might have. Don't be hard on yourself but resolve to change.

Best of luck.