Help! Advice Wanted!

LegacyUser

Hello Folks!

I would like some advice on a situation I have gotten myself into!


Basically a friend of mine who I have known over 11 year's who is in his 60's (I am in my late 20's) and he lent me around €1,000 in 2008 around the time I was doing a course to help me with the cost of it.

He is a retired professional and I would say he would have a generous pension. (You'll see why I mention this later)

There wasn't really a time frame set on when I would pay him back. Fast forward till now and he has asked me for the money back! Now I feel bad and rightly so as I have has all this time to pay him back but shortly after I finished my course finished which was a year later in 2009, I got involved in an horrific accident that left me with severe mental scars and unable to work. I has previously suffered from a mental illness and do to till day.

He has just recovered from cancer Thank God and says he needs the money or some to help pay the costs he incurred. He said he insurance didnt cover it all but they have paid several hundred thousands to his treatment.

Anyway he was very good to me in my dark times and in turn I was there for him to whilst he had Cancer.

Anyway he is saying he is down to his last €8 and I told him I was down to my last €20 today and he asked me for €10,

Look I'm starting a job soon and I have a few other things in the coming months that will cost a lot and I cant put them off now.

I want to pay him back every cent and more but what do I do now at the minute? I need whatever I have for materials for my new job and the things planned that I cant go back on now. Help!

What do I say to him?

Thanks for reading!

TizTaly2015

Hmmm tricky one.
Can you take out a credit union loan to repay him? If not, I would steer clear of the banks but I would talk to him about setting up a repayment plan, say, for example, €20 per week.

With situations like these, its always better to have something in place from the very beginning but hindsight is always a b**ch!

bjork

Pay the man back his money.
Pay it in installments if you have to.
You've had six years to pay it back. You didn't bother until he came begging for it.

Rubberchikken

explain that you don't have it now but agree a fair time/amount to repay. it's only fair it's paid back.

kylith

Give him what you can and continue to give him what you can until he's paid back. He gave you money when you needed it and now he needs it back; you are honour bound to live up to your agreement.

Can you borrow some cash from your family?

lukesmom

7 years and you still havent paid him back!!! The poor man. You'll have to take out a loan and pay him what you owe him. It doesn't matter if he has a generous pension or not.

bjork

I have a few other things in the coming months that will cost

Why did you plan things that would cost when you knew full well you owed this man money?

Tokyo

No disrespect OP, but you've put this on the long finger for seven years now, and you should never have put the man in a position where he had to ask for his money back from you. His pension and other assets have no bearing on this whatsoever - you have owed him a substantial amount of money for close to a decade now.

I'm guessing that you have some form of income right now, before you start this new job, so start paying him back in installments, or apply for a credit union loan and pay it all off immediately. After seven years, excuses of having to buy materials and such just don't cut it, I'm afraid.

MrWalsh

Give him whatever you have right now and continue to do so until it is paid off.

Its a really nasty way you have behaved, did you just secretly think he would forget about it after so long?

7 years and youve made no attempt to pay it back, that takes some brass neck.

fussyonion

Never a lender or a borrower be.

It makes me sick when I hear about people like the OP who have the gall to borrow money and then be put out when the lender wants the money back.
That poor man had no choice to but to ASK for his money back when he shouldn't have had to.

Any decent human being with morals would have paid the money back a lot sooner than seven years.

A relative of mine lent a woman some money two years ago and there was no sign of her repaying it, yet she had the money to go on holidays to Spain and get herself a tattoo, not to mention a couple of weekend breaks down the country.

My relative was so angry...he eventually asked for it back, but she had a nose on because he had the gall to ask for his money back.

Get a loan, OP, and do the right thing.

PS What the hell does it matter if the man has a generous pension?!!

baldbear

Get a credit union loan and pay him back. If I owed a friend €50 I'd feel guilty and pay it back asap.

7 Years and you haven't paid him a cent?

dellas1979

He shouldn't have had to explain anything to you.

If anything, you should be explaining to him.

Have some pride man and sort something out, now!

Meauldsegosha

His pension obviously isn't as generous as you think it is if he is down to his last €8. You have put this man in a terrible position of having to ask for the money back. Either work out a repayment plan with him or get a credit union loan to pay him back.

retro:electro

€1000 isn't really that much in the grand scheme of things OP. Why didn't you make any attempt in seven years to pay the poor man back? Even €20 a week? Jesus €20 a month even and you'd have it well paid by now. Take out a credit union loan and pay the man back, it's better you owe to them then to an elderly man who has a second chance at life and can't even afford to live it. The poor guy is in remission from cancer and hasn't a penny to his name. What business is it of yours if he has a generous pension or not? It's his money! Don't even think about not giving it back to him asap.

LegacyUser

I was just looking at some of the replies and it appear's some of you may be missing the point or else I haven't been explaining things properly.

- I WILL pay my friend back his money and if I can more because of how I have behaved regarding this.

- Prior to today, I did/have given him something but it would probably have been under €50 and as I'm unsure how much, I'll just write it off and pay him the full €1,000 anyway.

- I feel terrible and so I should as I have acted disgracefully here.

- I don't currently have any saving's and was just looking for suggestion's as to how I could work out things to pay my friend his money.

- I have given him a tiny amount today which is a start

- I have applied for a loan and although ut doesn't cover the full cost, I will give him a portion of the loan.

The reason I brought his pension up is in the context of what is happening at the minute. It doesn't seem possible that he is as bad as he says he is at the minute, I wasnt this solved amicably and will learn a valuble life lesson from this.

I will pay him in installment's but can't start paying them in the €100's of euro's till after August. I will try to pay him at least €25 a week till then. And a lump sum if the loan is accepted.

LadyAthame

I have been in more debt but never to an individual I had a student loan. I managed it never missed a payment and it was far more than one grand and you don't even have interest to to consider. It didn't take me seven years either. Cancer treatments are horrific and 1000 grand is chicken feed compared to what it costs.

Don't rob peter to pay paul. DON'T take out a loan. Then you will have to deal with interest. Pay him simple as. For the first while I cleaned people's houses. If you paid 100 euro each week you could be done in ten weeks.

Set up a payment plan and stick to it never miss a payment. Also you should offer to help him out in any other way. He must be going through a lot.

How did you go 7 yrs without paying him back? He should not have had to ask.
You will have to delay the costs you expect to incur. If it were an official bank loan you would.

I will never get a loan out EVER again.

Matteroffact

That man has probably been waiting for you to mention how sorry you are that you have made no attempt to give him anything back and you decide to ignore it and hope it would go away. This is totally unacceptable, and it is the principle of this that is annoying this man not the fact that he is down 1k. He is so disgusted with you for ignoring this that he brought it to your attention. I bet had you mentioned it to him a long time ago he might even have let you away with it, but you just cannot take 1k from someone and then say nothing for 7 years. So what you do now is get in touch with him and apologise profusely explaining that you are very embarrassed and mortified that he had to ask you for the money before you had the manners to explain to him how hard up you are yourself. I bet all the man is now looking for is a bit of respect from you. Then offer to pay him what you can, explaining that you are starting a job soon. Don't leave yourself short of the money you need for this job, but explain to the man in detail how you are fixed and how grateful you were for his kindness and how you wish you were in a position to pay him back now. I bet he will be understanding. Best of luck.

Tokyo

GuiltyConscience wrote: »

- I have given him a tiny amount today which is a start

- I have applied for a loan and although ut doesn't cover the full cost, I will give him a portion of the loan.

These are all steps in the right direction.

GuiltyConscience wrote: »

The reason I brought his pension up is in the context of what is happening at the minute. It doesn't seem possible that he is as bad as he says he is at the minute.

His circumstances are absolutely none of your business. This is a situation of solely your own making, and even bringing this point up in this context is wrong.

GuiltyConscience wrote: »

I will pay him in installment's but can't start paying them in the €100's of euro's till after August. I will try to pay him at least €25 a week till then. And a lump sum if the loan is accepted.

I would suggest that you sit down and tell him this ASAP. And stick to your promise.

retro:electro

It's none of your business if he isn't as badly off as he's saying he is, it's his money and he's entitled to it! Seriously you even mentioning his pension makes you sound horrible so you should just stop that. Honestly it's been seven years! He let you off that long without a whisper of it why all of a sudden would he be asking for it unless he was in dyer straits? Honestly the fact he had to tell you he is down to his last €8 is humiliating for the guy. Don't have him beg any further. I would be mortified if I were you.

bjork

Steps in the right direction but - Why are you only giving him a portion of a loan that you are taking out to cover a portion of the debt you owe him?

LegacyUser

bjork wrote: »

Steps in the right direction but - Why are you only giving him a portion of a loan that you are taking out to cover a portion of the debt you owe him?

I am not taking out a loan to pay him. It's for material's for my new job but I will give him a good portion of it.

retro:electro

GuiltyConscience wrote: »

I am not taking out a loan to pay him. It's for material's for my new job but I will give him a good portion of it.

Why didn't you take out a loan to repay him first?

Stavro Mueller

Is there anyone in your family you can turn to in the short term to get this man back his money? Or are the rest of your family aware of what you're like.

dellas1979

GuiltyConscience wrote: »

The reason I brought his pension up is in the context of what is happening at the minute. It doesn't seem possible that he is as bad as he says he is at the minute

Its none of your business if the man got the e1000 back, and spent it on goldfish or spends it on cancer treatment. That money was never yours (hint: its called a loan for a reason).

You are quite lucky this person hasnt been as rude as you have been about this loan!

LegacyUser

anna080 wrote: »

Why didn't you take out a loan to repay him first?

I tried on three occasions but was declined as I wasnt working but the fact I now have a job lined up will sway it apparantly or so I'm told.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote: »

Its none of your business if the man got the e1000 back, and spent it on goldfish or spends it on cancer treatment. That money was never yours (hint: its called a loan for a reason).

You are quite lucky this person hasnt been as rude as you have been about this loan!

Rolls eye's!

I've f****d up big time and there are other health issues myself we I havent paid him in full but I will.

The point of this thread was for advice not a bashing.

I know I've don't wrong and was looking for practical solutions.

dellas1979

GuiltyConscience wrote: »

Rolls eye's!

How mature of you.

GuiltyConscience wrote: »

The point of this thread was for advice not a bashing.

Who is bashing you? If anything OP, you are the one "bashing" your friend (asking weird, nonsensical questions and questioning about him and his motive to get his own money back off you).

You are lucky to have him as your friend if this is your normal behaviour!

IlmoNT4

Best thing to do OP is

-apologise to your friend
-tell him exactly when and how you will have his money for him, explain to him about the loan and starting a new job etc
-in the mean time, give him what you can towards your debt, but you must stick to it and never should he ever have to come and ask you where his money is.
-Any other details about pensions and him not needing the money, forget about it, its none of your business.

You sound really young, so please take this as a lesson in life, dont borrow money of anyone except a bank or a credit union.

Taltos

GuiltyConscience wrote: »

Rolls eye's!

I've f****d up big time and there are other health issues myself we I havent paid him in full but I will.

The point of this thread was for advice not a bashing.

I know I've don't wrong and was looking for practical solutions.

OP when you post to PI you have at accept you may not like all of the advice you are offered. You are though expected to post inline with our charter. Had you posted this registered you may have been carded for your responses but as it stands I am closing this thread.

When you calm down and are ready to post per our charter pm the mod team and we'll consider reopening this.