Confused about buying widowed Mums house

Plodalong

Hi
I would really appreciate some help with this very difficult and stressful situation that i find myself in.
My Dad died 4 yrs ago and my Mum (62) now lives alone in a large 4 bedroom house in the countryside. My youngest sister lives a students life an hour away, my other sister and brother live in England. My problem is that my Mum wants me and my family(partner and 3 kids) to move in with her, mainly because she cannot manage financially and also because as she has said, she is lonely. We are currently renting a property in the town, 15mins away. However, Mums house needs plenty of work doing to it and the general maintenance of the house has become a little too much for her. My partner suggested that we buy the house from her in a rent to buy kind of plan as we cannot get a mortgage anyway (self employed and low income/at home mum) and we would be putting the little savings we have into the property with no return. Mum agreed but 2 of my siblings disagree stating that they would lose out in inheritance.
I hate the idea of my mum being lonely and she doesn't want to sell up and move somewhere smaller as she built the house with dad! I also do not want to fall out with my siblings! Any ideas people?

Calhoun

Without giving you legal advice as we cannot, i would urge a degree of caution as nothing outside of weddings/christenings drives families more crazy than inheritance stuff.

What this really comes down to is what are your mothers wishes now that she is alive and consult with a solicitor so you can do this in a transparent way without having a claw back at a later time from your siblings or them feeling they were ripped off.

One thing i would do for sure though is get an evaluation of the house right now before doing anything to it. Allot of older country side houses no matter what the bedroom numbers are just not worth what people think they are as the build quality and location are awful.

That will at least give you an idea of how much of an asset you will be talking about when dealing with all of this.

Whosthis

As you are already renting nearby would an alternative not be to move to your mum's and just pay rent to her? That would seem to solve most of your problems.

MrWalsh

Whosthis wrote: »

As you are already renting nearby would an alternative not be to move to your mum's and just pay rent to her? That would seem to solve most of your problems.

Could be fraught with legal issues if it becomes the OPs "family home" under law.

Tokyo

So your siblings would rather your mother live in relative poverty, barely able to maintain the roof over her head, just so they can get their percentage when she eventually passes away?!

Your siblings are all living their own lives, whereas you are probably the only regular company your mother has from a family member. And ultimately it's her house to do with as she pleases. It's not as if you are pulling the rug out from under your other siblings - what you are proposing comes at a cost - you intend to be financially responsible for the house and property, you intend to sacrifice a certain amount of privacy as you will be living with your mother, and you will quite likely be her primary carer as she gets older. These are overheads that your siblings are conveniently ignoring.

Your mother is still alive and well, and right now, these are her wishes. If your siblings have such a problem with it, ask them then if they would be willing to make monthly payments towards the upkeep of the house, along with a little extra money for your mother to live off, if they're that intent on everything being split equally. Something tells me they'll object to that suggestion too...

Rubberchikken

i think talking things through with a solicitor would be the best thing. organise to have your mum present too so that everything that';s discussed is out in the open.
inheritance or possible inheritance can cause such bad blood between family members that things organised legally are the best way for starters.

LegacyUser

Whosthis wrote: »

As you are already renting nearby would an alternative not be to move to your mum's and just pay rent to her? That would seem to solve most of your problems.

The OP says the house needs a lot of work which they would end up paying for and have nothing to show at the end of the day. If your renting and repairs are needed it's the landlord that foots the bill.

OP you need to sit down as a family and talk this out rationally. Are your siblings aware of your mothers struggles with money and loneliness? What is their solution if you don't move in?

jon1981

So your siblings are valuing their inheritance ahead of their mothers current unhappiness? Lovely siblings you have there.

Out of curiosity, how much inheritance would we be talking here? Say you do buy the house, the money i presume will go to the mothers bank account and sit there for how many years (assuming she's spending it), that will be the inheritance she will pass on, right? Can this not be explained?

The entitlement some kids have is shocking!

Whosthis

can't log in wrote: »

The OP says the house needs a lot of work which they would end up paying for and have nothing to show at the end of the day. If your renting and repairs are needed it's the landlord that foots the bill.

OP you need to sit down as a family and talk this out rationally. Are your siblings aware of your mothers struggles with money and loneliness? What is their solution if you don't move in?

His mother can use the rent for maintenance.

meeeeh

I also know of a case where a share was left to the nephew with unwritten agreement that she stays with him and he takes care of older relative. When she got frail he was on to the family to get her into the care home and pay for it.

The person that needs legal advice the most is mother, considering she would be losing an asset that could help to pay for her care later on in life. The least messy option would be to sell the family home and use proceeds for more suitable accommodation. Or would there be an option of you paying minimal rent and sharing the cost of upkeep with your mother if you can't afford to get a mortgage. And also would you want to get tide up to a house that requires serious amount of work. I am not that familiar with rent to buy schemes but what happens if you fall out in the middle the scheme of it or if any of you discover that it is not working for you. Especially if you paid for some renovations in the meantime. Without worrying about inheritance for your siblings it seems very messy situation to me.

Edit: Just to add what happens if your mother meets someone and he moves in with her. Or if you and your husband split up. I am not saying anything above would happen but I know I would prefer to be in legally very clear situation that offers some level of protection for everybody.

Teyla Emmagan

Unless your siblings are willing to give up their lives and move in with your mother then f&ck what they think.

dellas1979

meeeeh wrote: »

The least messy option would be to sell the family home

I agree.

OP one of the main reasons people buy houses is for equity. Not just to be quartered for inheritance. She is still alive. Very much so. 62 is very very young. I think she needs to be reminded of this. You are being drafted in as a solution to a problem, when in fact, you might not be able to solve it for her at all (you might just suggest something also, as really its her decision).

Might it be better for her to sell and reinvest into something smaller (in better condition)? Maybe nearer town/to where you live?

Otherwise, you will be renting and maintaining/renovating a property that you will never own.

MouseTail

Leaving the finances aside, do you want to move in with her, does your partner? As another poster said, 62 is relatively young, there are other options available. I would be encouraging her to sell up and move to a more manageable, maintenance free property.

i would say the rent to buy scheme is not a goer, its complex and legally fraught. If you do move in, either get a mortgage to buy the property from your mother, letting her do as she sees fit with the money or pay rent to your mother.

iusedtoknow

I know your Mam may have attachment to the place as the family home, but it doesn't seem that the siblings do in the least. There are a couple of options. Some friends of mine had a very similar issue and they came to a pretty smart conclusion that made everyone happy

They moved in with their widower father and paid rent. The rent was used to cover the mortgage and start work on fixing the place up while providing him with the company that he needed. Once the work had been 3/4 completed - the house was sold with a higher value than it would have reached and the father moved closer to town where there two of the siblings as well meaning that they could all look out for him - the family that moved into the house also moved close to the town.

The "inheritance" was secure and increased, and the father had some company. He is now in his mid 70's, still hale and hearty and living in a small flat and is happy in his retirement.

R.D. aka MR.D

Your mother needs to be the one that deals with your siblings.

Honestly, I can understand their frustration as my uncle has received every bit of inheritance from my grandparents. Once my grandmother dies, they will have no connection to their family home. They would like this. They are all well to do people in their middle age so it has very little to do with money (they have plenty of that already).

On the other side, I will not receive any inheritance from my parents when they die, it will all go to my brother. I've agreed to this because I have no desire to have any connection with my home house.

It's all about what everyone wants and what compromises can be made.

I don't think it's fair, as another poster suggested, that they should have no say because they are living their own lives especially the student. Maybe she would like to be in a better finical situation to do what the OP wants to do but isn't right now.

Talk to your mother and let her know your concerns. It is then up to her to deal with her own children as she deems fair. She should make a decision and get a solicitor involved.

However, I wouldn't be surprised if your siblings resent you over this especially if you all aren't willing to talk it over maturely and come to a compromise.

ShowMeTheCash

Firstly, I think you should take your mum to see a solicitor.
A solicitor will act in the best interests for your mum, not you or your other siblings just her so ultimately any decision your mum makes will be her decision and you and siblings can like it or lump it.

The amount of sons and daughters that have bought their parents’ house for a song with the idea of mum and or dad living with them only to find a year or two later mum or dad have been banged into a home is shockingly high, your mother needs to be protected against this.

You mention that your partner said perhaps you buy the house from your mother but then said you cannot get a mortgage?
How do you plan to buy the house? Rent to buy? I do not understand what you mean by this, your mum is not the council there is no rent to buy scheme from a parent.

You mention that your mum cannot cope financially, you are self-employed are on a low income and any little savings you can put away would need to put into the house.
Your mum owns a home, financially she is in a much stronger position than you. I am making the assumption your mum would not want to sell up and perhaps move somewhere smaller or in need of less maintenance?

You said your mum wants you to move in but it appears you do not want to move in unless you get the house and by the looks of it you want some kind of contract to that effect?
You indicate the house is in need of repair and you do not want to pump money into a house that is not your home, which is understandable.

How much repair are we talking here?
Obviously cannot be much as you say you do not have much, someone else already stated why not use the rent you would have been paying for the repairs?
Again some of this is just not adding up….

Ultimately there are three parties here, your mum and what is best for her (most important)… You and your family and making decisions to what’s best for them… Then your siblings who by the looks of it think you are trying to take advantage of a situation.

Have you spoke to your mum about the house? I mean if she has asked you to move in and wants you to up root your family and move in with her why not just say “Hey mum me and the family will move in we will look after you in your old age but I am worried what happens after you are gone?”.
She could just tell you “Look son if you move in and look after me I will be leaving the house to you”..
Granted you will need to take her at her word but at this moment in time I do not see a down side for you.
Or she might just say “Look son the house is getting divided between you are your siblings” You can then just say OK mum I cannot move my family into a home which further down the line can be taken from them.

Plodalong

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Firstly, I think you should take your mum to see a solicitor.
A solicitor will act in the best interests for your mum, not you or your other siblings just her so ultimately any decision your mum makes will be her decision and you and siblings can like it or lump it.

The amount of sons and daughters that have bought their parents’ house for a song with the idea of mum and or dad living with them only to find a year or two later mum or dad have been banged into a home is shockingly high, your mother needs to be protected against this.

You mention that your partner said perhaps you buy the house from your mother but then said you cannot get a mortgage?
How do you plan to buy the house? Rent to buy? I do not understand what you mean by this, your mum is not the council there is no rent to buy scheme from a parent.

You mention that your mum cannot cope financially, you are self-employed are on a low income and any little savings you can put away would need to put into the house.
Your mum owns a home, financially she is in a much stronger position than you. I am making the assumption your mum would not want to sell up and perhaps move somewhere smaller or in need of less maintenance?

You said your mum wants you to move in but it appears you do not want to move in unless you get the house and by the looks of it you want some kind of contract to that effect?
You indicate the house is in need of repair and you do not want to pump money into a house that is not your home, which is understandable.

How much repair are we talking here?
Obviously cannot be much as you say you do not have much, someone else already stated why not use the rent you would have been paying for the repairs?
Again some of this is just not adding up….

Ultimately there are three parties here, your mum and what is best for her (most important)… You and your family and making decisions to what’s best for them… Then your siblings who by the looks of it think you are trying to take advantage of a situation.

Have you spoke to your mum about the house? I mean if she has asked you to move in and wants you to up root your family and move in with her why not just say “Hey mum me and the family will move in we will look after you in your old age but I am worried what happens after you are gone?”.
She could just tell you “Look son if you move in and look after me I will be leaving the house to you”..
Granted you will need to take her at her word but at this moment in time I do not see a down side for you.
Or she might just say “Look son the house is getting divided between you are your siblings” You can then just say OK mum I cannot move my family into a home which further down the line can be taken from them.

This is exactly the problem. If mum leaves us the house in her will, she feels she will be favouring me over my siblings, something neither of us wants. However, by not moving in with her she continues to be lonely and she does not want to sell up and move somewhere else.
The rent to buy suggestion was just that, we would get the house valued, pay her a rent, do the needed repairs i.e new front and back doors, newer windows, redecorate, newer furniture,etc, nothing too major and own the house after the value of the house was paid. In the event of her death any remaining value not yet paid would be split between my siblings. WE were just trying to think of some way to make everyone happy.

meeeeh

What happens if there is significant amount outstanding at your mother's death and your siblings want to sell their share. Sometimes it is hard enough when relatives start squabbling over empty property but this will be your home. And by the look of things your siblings won't be the easiest to deal with. Is there no way you live with your mother, pay less rent and build up some savings and then try to improve your financial position so you could actually get a mortgage in couple of years?

power pants

another option would be to discuss selling the house.

Share out the money to the siblings if that was originally intended.

You then are in an position to afford a house with a mortgage that you wouldnt have been able to. Your mum moves in, is no longer lonely. Stops everyone falling out and you and your mum not being able to make a decision.

I know your mum doesnt want to move out but its an option maybe worth talking about

dellas1979

Plodalong wrote: »

she does not want to sell up and move somewhere else.

Why? She could be the solution to her own problem.
Its frustrating when someone refuses to do something (for the better of everyone else) to play the "family home" card.

tinkerbell

power pants wrote: »

another option would be to discuss selling the house.

Share out the money to the siblings if that was originally intended.

Share out the money to the siblings? The OP's mother is ALIVE, not dead! Why on earth would you distribute an inheritance on death while the person is still alive and will most likely be for another 30 years? What if say 20 years down the line the OP's mother needs expensive care - what'll pay for that if all the assets have been distributed already?

OP - your mother needs to seek legal advice. And your siblings need to stay out of it.

power pants

Not that uncommon, I know a few widowed mothers that have done this.
It was only a suggestion. You dont need to be dead to hand out an inheritance

Bottom line is the house is too big for her, she is complaining about being lonely and cant afford the upkeep.

MouseTail

power pants wrote: »

Not that uncommon, I know a few widowed mothers that have done this.
It was only a suggestion. You dont need to be dead to hand out an inheritence
.

No, but you don't hand it out in your early 60s either, especially if, as OP has said, money is tight for her mother.
I find this all rather unsavoury, this woman is not old, and already the family seem to be fighting over the bones.

power pants

you can hand it out at any stage in life if you like. But I take your point too

rock22

Plodalong wrote: »

This is exactly the problem. If mum leaves us the house in her will, she feels she will be favouring me over my siblings, something neither of us wants. However, by not moving in with her she continues to be lonely and she does not want to sell up and move somewhere else.
The rent to buy suggestion was just that, we would get the house valued, pay her a rent, do the needed repairs i.e new front and back doors, newer windows, redecorate, newer furniture,etc, nothing too major and own the house after the value of the house was paid. In the event of her death any remaining value not yet paid would be split between my siblings. WE were just trying to think of some way to make everyone happy.

As I see it there are two interconnected issues here.
As you say, if you carry out her suggestion she will favour you over your siblings. What ever value might be in the house is going only to you. You youngest sibling, who is still studying may be dependent and could have a successful legal challenge to this. However the answer to this, is to value the house, to pay your mother that value less your own expected "inheritence" and for her to then distribute to your siblings as appropriate in her will.

The other issues however if the primary one. Your mother is lonely as a widow. Unfortunately, that often happens to those of us at this age and I find myself in the same position. But it is totally wrong for anyone to expect there child or children to solve this for them. There is a need to accept that life can be lonely as we get older and lose partners. And that we need take responsibility for our own social life.
Your mother probably needs to make new friends, to make wider social life. Long-term, you might not be helping your mother by moving in to keep her company.

tinkerbell

power pants wrote: »

Not that uncommon, I know a few widowed mothers that have done this.
It was only a suggestion. You dont need to be dead to hand out an inheritance

Bottom line is the house is too big for her, she is complaining about being lonely and cant afford the upkeep.

You do need to be dead to hand out an inheritance if you cannot afford to hand it over while alive, which seems to be the case here - OP said their mother is finding my hard to manage financially. People who are very wealthy can afford to distribute assets before they die but that's because they are cash rich and so don't need the money. Why should she give away a large portion of her assets just because her children demand it? I find this type of behaviour from the OP's siblings to be dispicable. Their mother has raised them, loved them, cared for them and now in her hour of need while still grieving from losing her husband they are too busy thinking of "their inheritance". It's disgusting. They are all adults - it's not their right to receive an inheritance. OP's mother can leave all her belongings to anybody she so chooses.

power pants

Not to derail this thread, if I had parents that had a house, I would expect some cash from it when they passed on. Dont think Im a bad person to think like this either

ronjo

Your Mum should probably sell the house, buy a smaller place nearer you or other siblings and then enjoy herself a bit with some of the rest of the money while leaving the rest aside for HER old age.

Raging_Ninja

It's your mother's house - not your siblings'. She can do what she wants with it, including selling it to you. Your siblings have no say in it.

Also, remember that inheritance tax is a bitch - if she drops dead today, and the assets are greater than €225k the govt gets 33%.

MrWalsh

Raging_Ninja wrote: »

Also, remember that inheritance tax is a bitch - if she drops dead today, and the assets are greater than €225k the govt gets 33%.

Is that not if the amount of inheritance for an individual is over 225k? As opposed to the value of the assets.

So in the OPs case if it was a straight split the house would have to be worth over 225k*4 before that threshold would kick in for each individual?

daisybelle2008

ronjo wrote: »

Your Mum should probably sell the house, buy a smaller place nearer you or other siblings and then enjoy herself a bit with some of the rest of the money while leaving the rest aside for HER old age.

OP, your mother is only 62, was she very dependent on your father? Does she have friends, hobbies, does she drive? She doesn't sound very independent or self sufficient.
if she is feeling overwhelmed and lonely in her house maybe she has to take the action i.e downsize etc.. You moving in to 'fix' this is not going to enable her to find independence. Do you think she is capable of that?

ShowMeTheCash

Plodalong wrote: »

This is exactly the problem. If mum leaves us the house in her will, she feels she will be favouring me over my siblings, something neither of us wants. However, by not moving in with her she continues to be lonely and she does not want to sell up and move somewhere else.
The rent to buy suggestion was just that, we would get the house valued, pay her a rent, do the needed repairs i.e new front and back doors, newer windows, redecorate, newer furniture,etc, nothing too major and own the house after the value of the house was paid. In the event of her death any remaining value not yet paid would be split between my siblings. WE were just trying to think of some way to make everyone happy.

Just to try and get back on point.

You say your mother does not want to be seen to be favouring you, I am going to take that as she is not going to leave you the house.

If you looked after your mum in old age I do not think anyone would see that as favouring you. If any of your other siblings wanted to they could come home and do the same, I think it would only be fair who ever looks after mum get's the house, I would not feel bad about that and neither should your mum if that's what she wants to do.

I assume she has said this too you, she has said she does not want to leave the house to you only?

In which case I think you need to let your mum figure this out on her own.

The difficutly with getting the home valued and trying to buy your siblings out is how to do you plan to do it?
Your mum still leaves you all an equal share after her death?
Your siblings do not need to agree to the valuation given they could ask it go up for sale, you would need to hope you can then afford to buy it then.

Your share would only be 25% that would still leave 75% the value of the house, that could still be a lot of money come the time.

If you cannot afford a mortgage even with the valuation I still do not see how you plan to settle up with your siblings?

Assuming the house is valued at 200K it could be more could be less.
If you are only saving a little, cannot get a mortgage how do you plan to give your 3 siblings 50K each?

Valuations are funny things, you do not know what you are valuing, getting a valuation now will probably mean nothing, your mum lives for another 20 years. The valuation only comes into play when it is time to settle up.

And lastely, your mum is only 62 my grandmother lived to 93 outliving 3 of her own children a lot can happen, even with rent to buy you might fall out, your mum might need care she might need to sell the house to cover carehome costs etc who knows!

DulchieLaois

Have a family meeting, your mother has to dished out d terms and conditions to all family members.

If they want to contribute anything either now or later in life when mother needs full time care, then now is the time to say it.

jon1981

What solution have your siblings put forward? Is it in the interest of your mother? Actually , are they even acknowledging the problem?

If they have put no solution forward. Ask them for one ensuring it is in the interest of their mother and not their financial gain...

Otherwise you firmly state the facts and possible options and let them choose... if their choice is your mother continues to liver in misery so that they can inherit something then it speaks volumes about the character of your siblings... if their other choice is that you foot the expense while they still gain then they still as bad. The only real option here is that they put the inheritance second place to your mothers well being and happiness.

It's actually sickening

ShowMeTheCash

jon1981 wrote: »

What solution have your siblings put forward? Is it in the interest of your mother? Actually , are they even acknowledging the problem?

If they have put no solution forward. Ask them for one ensuring it is in the interest of their mother and not their financial gain...

I think this is over simplifing.
The mother is 62, I think it was mentioned that one siblings is at uni or college.
Fast forward 2 years and the uni student wants to move back home for a while... How is this going to work?

This is complicated also time will inevitably tell and things can and probably will change, the OP might land a dream job in a few years or his wife and will want to move, one of their kids could turn out to be a prodigy and they might want to move closer to whatever.....

At the moment the OP has no way to buy the house from the mother and I would argue the mother should ask for no less than the going rate, people are saying minus his inheritance which at this moment would be dismissive of the mother.

The mother has no obligation to leave her kids anything, she is 62 and life is still very much unfolding for her.
She could be re-married in a few years and move to Spain and live out her retirement after selling off her assets.

The OP is currently renting, perhaps move in with mum for a year or two, pay no rent and save as much as they can to get a mortgage.

Mum is helping Son, Son is keeping mum company....

But at the moment it is a moot point, if he cannot buy it what is he wanting to know?

LegacyUser

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

The OP is currently renting, perhaps move in with mum for a year or two, pay no rent and save as much as they can to get a mortgage.

The issue the OP has with this is there is a lot of work needing doing on the house that he would be paying for from his savings and not having anything for it at the end to the day.

OP have you talked to your siblings about all of you paying for the repairs that are needed? If the issue is the house being sold down the line and proceeds being split it's in their interest for the house to be maintained or else come to an agreement you'll be repaid for any investment in the house you make with regard to repairs when it's sold and the whats left being split evenly.

This is of course assuming Mammy doesn't say f*ck it to you all and sells up and goes traveling for 10 years.

suicide_circus

Your mother could live another 30 years

mailforkev

Why is inheritance even being mentioned here? The mother's alive and well and could have another thirty years left in her. Shocking behaviour by the children.

Moving in with the mother has trouble written all over it. In the described circumstances she should downsize in the same area and pocket the remainder for her retirement. Her loneliness issue is hers to fix. Get out and break the routine, with added mental health benefits.

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Fast forward 2 years and the uni student wants to move back home for a while... How is this going to work?

They sort themselves out in the real world like a regular person. Not the mother's responsibility to home her adult children if she's not in a position to do so.

MouseTail

can't log in wrote: »

The issue the OP has with this is there is a lot of work needing doing on the house that he would be paying for from his savings and not having anything for it at the end to the day
.

Its not as if the house is crumbling, the OP mentioned new front and back doors, and a bit of redecoration and new furniture. This woman is 62, not 92, she is not even at retirement age, she could get a few hours work if she wanted and pay for the doors herself to stop all this squabbling.
The OP would be better served seeking ways to help the mother to start to live her life again after her mourning period has passed than listening to hairbrained schemes from their partner about rent to buy schemes.

LegacyUser

I can understand why your siblings are p*ssed off: you can't buy your Mum's house, so it sounds like you'd be moving in in order to save you money, and then you'd eventually get the asset (house). Of course it's never as simple as that, but that's how it would come off. And that seems really unfair - or that you were chasing your Mum for money.

It's your mother's decision, but to avoid lots of stife and contested wills, she should sell the house, and move somewhere more suitable for her needs - which could be 30 years of needs! It is also important for her to maximise her own income to fund whatever care she may need in the future. You and your siblings shouldn't come into that.

Your Mum is also being very unrealistic, if she wants to stay in a home that she can't afford, doesn't like liking in by herself, cant afford to maintain, and doesn't want to upset the other kids bout. She can't have it every way. She needs to cop on to reality and sell up, or take you and your poor finances on as her future carers, and p*ss off her other kids.

Your Mum needs to see a solicitor straight away, who will take all of the above into account.

ShowMeTheCash

mailforkev wrote: »

They sort themselves out in the real world like a regular person. Not the mother's responsibility to home her adult children if she's not in a position to do so.

I am not sure what point you are making here, I am essentially agreeing with your stance?

Also a regular person... What does that look like?

It would be common uni students come home on the holildays and between semesters, (I did when I was at uni).
Albeit I think moving in with mum with his family is not a great idea I am pointing out an area of possible contention.
Jonny aged 19 at college cannot come back to the family home because older brother Jack has moved into the family home with his family too keep mum happy. I am sure no one will get upset over that!

meeeeh

I think there are a lot of presumptions here made about op and her relatives. The moral outrage, speculation about students or how active mother is are completely pointless.

Rent to buy is not an option imo. Too many people will be in a limbo of some weird shared ownership, that could go very badly for any of them. The other options are outright sale, renting with mother or continuing in the current situation. Selling and giving money away would be the dumbest. If mother is pressed get together money for relatively minor upkeep, giving the money to the family would put her into extremely vulnerable position. Renting is a matter of negotiation, deciding who pays what and how much goes towards upkeep and imo by far the least complicated option, if you don't mind living with mother again. It is also handy if you don't cometely fall out with your siblings because nothing is as miserable as family squabbling and can be very damaging if something unexpected happens.

Op, I might not like the reaction of your siblings but that doesn't make the rent to buy scheme any more suitable. I think you will have to find different solution.

ShowMeTheCash

meeeeh wrote: »

I think there are a lot of presumptions here made about op and her relatives. The moral outrage, speculation about students or how active mother is are completely pointless.

Rent to buy is not an option imo. Too many people will be in a limbo of some weird shared ownership, that could go very badly for any of them. The other options are outright sale, renting with mother or continuing in the current situation. Selling and giving money away would be the dumbest. If mother is pressed get together money for relatively minor upkeep, giving the money to the family would put her into extremely vulnerable position. Renting is a matter of negotiation, deciding who pays what and how much goes towards upkeep and imo by far the least complicated option, if you don't mind living with mother again. It is also handy if you don't cometely fall out with your siblings because nothing is as miserable as family squabbling and can be very damaging if something unexpected happens.

Op, I might not like the reaction of your siblings but that doesn't make the rent to buy scheme any more suitable. I think you will have to find different solution.

Just going to second this, if you take siblings out of the equation altogether.

If you cannot buy the house you are effectively moving back in with your mum and it will always be her house.
In terms of work done to the house do you think you would be spending more on fixing things up than you would rent?
Mum might be lonely but perhaps a few weeks of having kids under her feet 24/7 might change that...

Magicmatilda

Really I think that either your mum facing the reality that she can no longer afford her house and downsizing or the option of you moving in paying rent to cover repairs and saving the remainder for a deposit are the best options.

The rent to buy scheme while legally unclear is also a mine field. Is your sibling at uni also being offered the rent to buy scheme, maybe they would consider moving in and renting if they thought they would then own the house. Also The siblings in the UK might, if that option was available consider it, I feel that were the OP to really examine their motives they would find that they feel this would be an easier way for them to secure a house, and that is a more motivating factor than the option of minding mum. I am sure the OP is concerned for her mum and that she wants to help but I don't think this is the way to do it.

As others have said the mum is 62, if she lived to 80 that would mean living with her, in what would always be "her" home for another 18 years. If you have children, how fair will that be on evereyone? What if in that time she finds her confidence and starts getting out and about and meets another man, how will OP feel about him coming to the family home?

When the family visit from UK where do the stay? at mum's? can that continue? Can the younger sibling at uni come "home" at weekends? If mum downsized to a 2 or even 3 bed she would still have some space for any that needed it and I know I would feel differently about going to my mums new house that about going to my family home that has been taken over by my sibling. Also every time the siblings go to see mum they have to see their sibling and her kids (who have now taken over their family home)

Honestly OP if you want to help your mum then helping her to create a life for herself would be a better help in my opinion.