my 1st GF is destroying my self confidence

what2donow

Here is the situation so you ll have better insight. We are both in mid 20s, we both live at home with parents (we both have a job but since economic crisis thats how most of people that age lives in our country).

Before we met she had couple of serious relationship, I didn’t and was a self conscience virgin. Girls were always interested in me but I had no self confidence until I said enough is enough and throw myseff in to dating pool. Before we met she hasn’t had a BF for the last 3 years and havent had sex for more then a year. I was always wondering what was she doing on an online dating site since I know girls like her (good looking and cute with character) can get almost any man…

We clicked from the start and everything was fine except SEX. We slept together after first 5 weeks and since I was inexperienced and clumsy you can guess – sex was not good. I have never had sex before but I knew it was bad… She was dry as a desert down there and I had hard time getting my erection, but we still had sex for like 40 minutes.

Keep in mind we both live with our parents so the only time we have had sex was on weekends. But after our 1st sex she always had an excuse not to put herself in the position to have sex with me again. It was frustrating – the excuses she had let me know that they were what they were – excuses. I sat her down and talked to her what was wrong and she said nothing… the next time we had sex (2 months after our first sex) she said during sex ‘we should do this more often’ but after that I had to wait another month… had sex… wait another month… and so on.

She is always very affectionate – likes holding hands, kissing, making out, cuddling… Paying for dates, initiates dates, making me part of every important part of her life (family, events), bringing me presents when abroad or vacations…Every time we slept together – every morning when she wakes up she sneakes to my side of the bed and put her head on my chest and caressing my arm or sleep that way… We have never had sex more then ONCE in the same day/night. The record is 2 times in ONE week…

After several months thing started to improve – she was the one who was eager to have sex at weekends – that lasted like 3 maybe 4 months but then things went back to ‘normal’ – like they were before… The thing is she proved she is not asexual, and that she has no problem with the act itself - no problem with sex – she even likes giving head, let me eat her out, one thing I noticed is that she likes top position and be dominant… One thing I also remember is that she said she has never experienced orgasm. She also never comments during sex - what she likes how to do it - slower/faster.. nothing... ever.

Now we are together for 1 year and a half and Im not happy - all I can say is if Id get a dollar for every time we had sex I d have no more then 20 dollars, and for every time she was the initiator I would have like max 5 dollars… The thing is since she is my only and my first I cannot compare her with others. I cant say its not me since my ex liked the way I did it and the girl before her…

This is literally destroying my confidence – the things i came up in my mind why she doesn’t crave sex with me are just self defeating:

- She has another supplier (I 99% sure she doesnt since we live in a small town where everybody knows everybody and its just not her character to cheat),
- I have a small tool (im liltle over 6 inches and I know that’s pretty average since I played sports for a decade and have seen many penises – not by choice - in the shower room)
- Im terrible at sex and don’t know what im doing
- She is not really into me but likes to be in a relationship

The thing i fear the most is Im BAD at it! but if that is the case she should say something and try to make me batter??? Don’t know what to do since I love her but im very frustrated sometimes, angry and hurt. It came to the point when its destroying our relationship. im just not the same anymore around her because Im not happy and she does nothing to make me happy - I brought up that topic about sex several times and she is willing to talk but nothing changes. I told her its important to me and Im not happy but everything stay the same after that. What can I do?

retro:electro

Would I be right in saying you've posted here about this issue before op?

Stavro Mueller

what2donow wrote: »

Don’t know what to do since I love her but I'm very frustrated sometimes, angry and hurt. It came to the point when its destroying our relationship. I'm just not the same anymore around her because I'm not happy and she does nothing to make me happy - I brought up that topic about sex several times and she is willing to talk but nothing changes. I told her its important to me and I'm not happy but everything stays the same after that. What can I do?

Sorry but the only way to solve this is to break up. It's not what you want to hear of course but what is the alternative? She has demonstrated again and again that sex isn't a priority for her and she has no intention whatsoever of changing that.

So either you break up and find a girl who's more sexually compatible with you. Or stay together and drive yourself mad with sexual frustration for the rest of your days. The choice is yours.

Edit : I see some of the others have identified you're as someone who posted before on this issue. It sounded familiar to me but these sorts of Personal Issues start getting a little bit samey at times. The reason being that the pattern is oh so familiar no matter what the story behind it is. It usually does go along the lines of "I love my girlfriend/wife very much. Everything is great but... " Your girlfriend seems to be one of those women who doesn't like sex. Whether it's just sex with you or sex with men in general I've no idea. The bottom line is that you have tried to address the issue and she's not interested in changing things. There is no magic bullet.

strobe

I think you just need to fvcking relax a bit man. The way you talk about sex from the first time right through makes it sound like it'd be a very uncomfortable pressure filled experience. Like you're watching everything and thinking about everything and questioning everything and analyzing everything. It's not supposed to be like that. It all just sounds so very analytic and not in the moment. You need to stop focusing on what could be wrong, and what might be wrong and basically just stop focusing. Just try to let go and enjoy yourself, if you're enjoying yourself she will probably enjoy herself. Try to stop thinking so much. It's not a thinking thing, it's a doing thing.

Tokyo

OP - did you take any of the advice given to you last month, when you asked this very same question here under a different account?