Friend asked me to Leave

LegacyUser

I'm currently sharing a 3 bed house with two other people; one other male and female.

My housemate and friend texted me last night with a long text basically asking me to leave the house.

I moved in at the end on Jan this year-- used to live with the female in two different houses years ago. Thing is i'm never there.

Because of work I'm gone 4-5 days out of the week. I'm a little insulted that someone I would consider a friend would feel it necessary to text me and ask me to leave a room i'm renting whilst i'm working.

I really feel like asking her to move out as i've moved a lot of stuff and am just after settling.

It seems to have started a few weeks ago when I became ill- I starting smoking cigarettes out the back garden, one of the lads who actually smokes started complaining of the smell; even though he smokes himself-- I actually said nothing when he said it was "annoying" to have a smell of smoke blow into the house when he smokes himself.

The other girl is on a health and fitness buzz at the moment and I think clearly seems to have a resentment of my presence, since I've started smoking and exercised less when I'm around the place it seems to annoy her as she recently gave up smoking and is jogging etc.

I'm just a little stunned that she thinks this is an appropriate way of addressing an issue with someone you supposedly get on with.

She started making out a cleaning rota and saying that I didn't adhere to it when I wasn't even in the city; some of her complaints have been kind of irrational when I think back but I've been fairly non-confrontational with the two people in the house over the last few months.

I don't want to argue as i'm rarely there but it seems that she seems to have increasing codes and expectations on living in the house like making cleaning rosters and claiming i'm messy and that the other guy seems to echo an annoyance towards me for smoking when I had to breath is cigarette smoke as a non smoker only weeks ago.

I feel like I should just ask them to move out because I've let things go and I'm sick of someone increasingly placing expectation on standards of living when there only renting there themselves. And I haven't once asked either of them to put out a cigarette or an overfilled bin or to put away there dishes (which are NEVER put away) anything as I just do it myself.

Basically it very hypocritical when both of them aren't particularly cleanly.

I just feel its audacious when I'm not a messy person and i'm not even there that long.


I'm 30 shes 37 other guy is 41

I have no problem moving out if I have to. Its only a room but this is a little annoying for me finally too.

Tokyo

The biggest factor here is going to be whose names are on the lease - the timeline would seem to indicate that they both had been living there prior to you moving in last January. If you're not on the lease, then you aren't going to be asking anyone to move anywhere, and they really do hold the cards.

Either way, it does sound like a case of incompatibility - without knowing the details of what has happened over the past few months it's hard to say if it's fair judgement of you or not - but (a) it's two exisiting housemates against the one who moved in, and (b) you may not be on the lease, so you are very much on the back foot here.

I would suggest sitting down and having a face to face conversation with them if you want to try and resolve this, and I'd also suggest not being as defensive in your conversation as you are in this thread - there may be factors that you haven't considered, or maybe there have been pertinent issues for them that you haven't been aware of or have been blissfully ignorant of due to illness/not beign around/whatever - and I use the term 'may', because none of us here can know for sure. But if it comes down to a stalemate, and assuming they can't lust legally ask you to leave, your choices are to wither find a new place, or live in a miserable environment. And personally, I don't think you have a leg to stand on asking them both to move out considering there's (a) two of them, and (b) they have been living there a lot longer than your three months.

Stavro Mueller

Personally I'd just move and consign this friendship to the dustbin. If I was in your shoes and a so-called friend texted me asking me to leave, I'd be angry and insulted. If there was an issue she should've had the manners to take you aside and have a chat.

I get the impression there's a lot more to this than meets the eye. I wonder are they now a couple and want you out of the way? Leaving that aside, it doesn't matter that you're not there during the week or that they don't clean up after themselves. For some reason she and this other guy have decided they don't like you and want you out. Why would you want to stay in a house where your two housemates dislike you so much they've asked you to leave.

I'd also doubt you have the authority to tell them to move out. They were there first I assume - so your name's not on the lease. It's hassle but you've got no choice but to start looking around again I think.

strobe

They've started banging do want the place to themselves? First thing that came to mind.

Either way, I'd agree, why be somewhere you're apparently not wanted? I'd just line somewhere else up, then when you're set move your stuff out one day and leave them to come home to the place empty. Under no obligation to settle up on rent if they are the ones telling you to leave either by the way. So that's handy. Few extra quid in your pocket.

IlmoNT4

Sit down and talk to them about whats going on and if it can be resolved without anyone having to move

And if it cant be resolved, then move

Perhaps close the back door when you are having a smoke, it is really hard if you have quit smoking and someone is letting smoke back into the house. Why are you smoking if you are ill anyways?

Stavro Mueller

I wouldn't read too much into the smoking thing or indeed the rosters or anything else. I thought it might've been an issue when I started reading your post but then you mentioned that yer man smokes as well. My take on it is that they just went with the first excuses they could think of that popped into their heads. If you weren't smoking they'd be complaining about you snoring too loudly or flushing the toilet after 11pm or something. Bottom line is they just want you out of there. It's a nasty way to do it but they're just not nice people by the sounds of things.

LegacyUser

Honestly sounds like a head wreck why would you want to stay? The question is legally can she give you notice. Whose name is on the lease? Are you subletting from one of them, are you on a joint lease with them or are you paying the landlord direct?

If one of them is on the lease and your paying your rent to them then your subletting from them and pretty much have no rights (they may or may not have a right to sublet in their lease but that's not of much use to you really as the landlord is likely to kick all of you out)

If your named on the lease with them or have your own lease with the landlord then they have no right to ask you to leave. The landlord would have to do it and even then there are very strict conditions for them to do this.

LegacyUser

Posting as someone who was in a similar situation only on the opposite side (not to mention we didnt have the balls to ask him to leave).

Can you answer these questions extremely honestly?

Do you truthfully do your bit in the house as much as the rest of them? Do you independently clean things around the house that are more general and more than just your own stuff?

Do you buy stuff for the house thats necessary , like general house things, without being asked?

When you leave the house when you're gone for a few days do you leave anything behind that could possibly be annoying to housemates? Like a small mess somewhere.

Can you honestly say you have a high awareness and respect for your housemates and the house in general, or is it something thats less of a priority to you compare to how your housemates possibly feel about the house?

To sum up, there was three of us in a house, we got on really well, we all cleaned each others stuff and did our bit, and showed mutual respect for the well being of others in the house. Then someone left and we got a replacement, and it turned into a nightmare, slowly but surely we had to introduce rosters because we didnt want to single the person out for being messy as they hadnt moved in long and were a friend of one of the housemates, we had to introduce rules and systems, all stuff we never had to do before, the atmosphere in the house deteriorated, we constantly felt like he didnt respect us in the house and had his own things to worry about.

To make things worse, we then start paying attention to when he missed something on the roster , and so even if one of us missed something we didnt mind because we trusted each other, but when he missed something we REALLY noticed it because the trust was gone as to whether he'd do it or not, which lead to more tension. That reminds of the smoking thing in your situation, where something that shouldnt be an issue becomes an issue because of all the other stuff.

I've let things go and I'm sick of someone increasingly placing expectation on standards of living when there only renting there themselves.

That to me rings alarm bells because it shows there is an element of truth in the messiness and that you dont feel it matters as much as it does to them. I am renting and I love my home and I love taking care of where I live.

I know it was terrible to get a text like that, and they really didnt handle that well, but unless ye either talk it out and actually try and figure out what the real problems are then Im afraid all of you are going to be miserable until you leave.

DavidRamsay99

You should move out and get a new place somewhere else.
They don't seem like nice people because if what you say is true they are hypocritical and inconsiderate.
It's not like there is no place else to rent so if you move out and cut all ties with them it should be no skin off your nose.
Why should you have anything to do with them ever again?
Are they going to miss you when you are gone?
Who knows if you will find a new place that is cheaper better furnished and with nicer housemates?
They might actually be doing you a favor.
Oh and stop smoking for your own sake.