Evening Do

Curioustoknow

Hi looking for some advice, I've been invited to evening do and want to know what appropriate amount of money to give? It's a choice of 2 main course and wedding cake, unfortunately some of us will have to eat before we go but hey-ho. Any advice gratefully received, thanks.

andreac

How come there are main courses at the evening do? Sounds a bit odd.

Curioustoknow

They're going away to get married and this is the meal choice instead of having a finger buffet

andreac

So is everyone having this then or is there a separate meal for others earlier?

MrWalsh

Why dont you just give whatever you would give any friend who got married? Im not seeing how the fact its an evening do with 2 courses impacts on how much you give?

Curioustoknow

I have another wedding later in the year which is a full wedding, full 4 course meal and evening buffet, wine etc. etc. so I will be giving more to that wedding. This one is an evening do with a main course and wedding cake, in my mind doesn't compare.

MrWalsh

Curioustoknow wrote: »

This one is an evening do with a main course and wedding cake, in my mind doesn't compare.

Doesnt compare to what?

You give a wedding gift based on the size of the party you attend? Not based on commemorating your friends marriage?

Ok - thats odd. Give whatever you think is appropriate.

magicmushroom

I agree with the OP in that I would give less to a couple if I was only attending the evening do, than if I was attending the whole day which is costing them more to host me.

I would give €100.

Curioustoknow

Thank you that was the amount I was thinking of, it's always been the case that if you only attend an evening do you would give less. Obviously if you are going to a full wedding you would give more appropriately.

Curioustoknow

The only costs incurred by this couple is the €22 per head main course, price of wedding cake and band.
Their main wedding is abroad with only close family.

MrWalsh

Curioustoknow wrote: »

..it's always been the case that if you only attend an evening do you would give less.

I give whatever I am giving regardless of size of party or indeed if I can even make it. That said, 100 euro sounds very generous.

crestglan

€100 is appropriate I think have the same deal in July going to evening wedding and wasgoing to give €100 I think thats generous enough

Curioustoknow

Thank you for your comments

magicmushroom

magicmushroom wrote: »

I agree with the OP in that I would give less to a couple if I was only attending the evening do, than if I was attending the whole day which is costing them more to host me.

I would give €100.

I think that's different though. You're comparing being invited to the full wedding, to being invited to the afters. That I would understand.

However, if this is their wedding party, then it should be treated the same. I wouldn't give a smaller gift just because my friends didn't have a traditional wedding.

I had one of these kind of weddings last year, my friends got married away and had a wedding party when they came home. I'll have another this year where they are having pretty similar to what the OP is describing.

They will be getting the same gift as the other four "traditional" weddings I'm attending this year.

MadDog76

Curioustoknow wrote: »

Hi looking for some advice, I've been invited to evening do and want to know what appropriate amount of money to give? It's a choice of 2 main course and wedding cake, unfortunately some of us will have to eat before we go but hey-ho. Any advice gratefully received, thanks.

I normally give €100 (€200 as a couple) if going to a full wedding, more if it's really close friends or family .......... for the "Afters" I give nothing at all .......... for something like this I'd probably give €50 (€100 if you're going as a couple).

Curioustoknow

Yes I agree, I wouldn't compare the two weddings, if you're helping with the cost of their wedding there is no comparison. I might give more if it was a close friend, but then again I'd be at the "whole wedding" so would give accordingly. Should you still give someone 100 euros per head when it's only costing them about 30 euros max all in??

MadDog76

Curioustoknow wrote: »

Yes I agree, I wouldn't compare the two weddings, if you're helping with the cost of their wedding there is no comparison. I might give more if it was a close friend, but then again I'd be at the "whole wedding" so would give accordingly. Should you still give someone 100 euros per head when it's only costing them about 30 euros max all in??

Nope, €50 is quite generous in this case.

Faith

Curioustoknow wrote: »

Yes I agree, I wouldn't compare the two weddings, if you're helping with the cost of their wedding there is no comparison. I might give more if it was a close friend, but then again I'd be at the "whole wedding" so would give accordingly. Should you still give someone 100 euros per head when it's only costing them about 30 euros max all in??

It depends on your point of view. Are you giving them a gift to celebrate their marriage, or are you just financially contributing to the wedding day?

Honestly, the logic of 'the smaller/bigger the celebration, the smaller/bigger the gift' disgusts me. What a mean, stingy way to think.

In this case, since you don't seem to value their wedding, I think you should give an actual gift. Something affordable but thoughtful.

I give gifts to my friends based on what relationship I have with them.

Rather than whether they're supplying two courses or four.

lazygal

Regardless of the celebration if any, we give a gift to celebrate the marriage not to cover the costs of the couple's celebration.

Curioustoknow

I would dearly love to go back to the old way of going to a wedding, with a gift in hand that would be gratefully received. Now I know these days most people live together or have own homes but it's all about the money. I wouldn't know 300 or 400 people to invite to a wedding, a hotel recently told me couples who book weddings for 350 will actually only end up with nearer to 200 as they're seen as a summons!

MrWalsh

Faith wrote: »

Honestly, the logic of 'the smaller/bigger the celebration, the smaller/bigger the gift' disgusts me. What a mean, stingy way to think..

I couldn't agree more. Why anyone would even be putting that much thought in someone else's finances strikes me as odd. To have found out the per head price? Baffles me. Very unhealthy over obsessing on other people's financial affairs.

MadDog76

Some of you need to come off your holier than thou attitude to wedding gifts here .......... keep it real .......... there's a reason why cash gifts and certain amounts are expected these days.

It's not about "celebrating" a friend/family members wedding day with a little gift .......... if it were then 20 euros in a card would do ......... or a toaster ......... or nothing at all as your "presence would be present enough" :rolleyes:

And I know someone will reply saying "I don't care about or even expect any gift on my Big Day, just having them there is enough for us blah blah blah" ........ even if that's true in your case we all know most couples don't feel that way, fact.

Faith

MadDog76 wrote: »

And I know someone will reply saying "I don't care about or even expect any gift on my Big Day, just having them there is enough for us blah blah blah" ........ even if that's true in your case we all know most couples don't feel that way, fact.

Cool, can I read the peer reviewed scientific paper that supports your facts? I'd be super interested in it. I assume your emphatic response means you actually have data to back up what you're saying, because it would be utterly ridiculous to make a claim like that when you've just plucked it from the top of your head. It's funny, becuause I couldn't even provide anecdotal evidence to support your claim.

MadDog76

Faith wrote: »

Cool, can I read the peer reviewed scientific paper that supports your facts? I'd be super interested in it. I assume your emphatic response means you actually have data to back up what you're saying, because it would be utterly ridiculous to make a claim like that when you've just plucked it from the top of your head. It's funny, becuause I couldn't even provide anecdotal evidence to support your claim.

I assume you believe the opposite to be true? Fine ........ data, scientific research please? :rolleyes:

Faith

MadDog76 wrote: »

I assume you believe the opposite to be true? Fine ........ data, scientific research please? :rolleyes:

No, I didn't make any claims, you see . All I can see is you making a ton of assumptions, all of which are incorrect.

ruasligo12

As someone who is 'hosting' an evening do, starting at 5pm out costs per person is roughly 75/80 pp. Drink reception on arrival, dinner x3courses, tea/coffee food at 11pm. Having a wedding ceremony for family only as I have never dreamed of walking into full church and just wanted low key affair, but I want to celebrate with friends and have a party! However lately a few people have said it to me that they will be giving me a smaller gift or that they presume I won't make money on the wedding- comments from others, as I'm not inviting people to the full day. So I just smile and really don't know what to say! You give a gift to a couple for their wedding not on a per person cost basis. I usually go with 100 if going to wedding alone or 150/200 if both are going.

MadDog76

Faith wrote: »

No, I didn't make any claims, you see . All I can see is you making a ton of assumptions, all of which are incorrect.

Well you either agree with me or you disagree with me ........ you see?

Seeing as you said my assumptions are all incorrect you are disagreeing with me as you believe your own assumptions are correct ....... however I believe your assumptions are incorrect ........ unless of course you have scientifically researched data to say otherwise ......... you see?

MadDog76

ruasligo12 wrote: »

As someone who is 'hosting' an evening do, starting at 5pm out costs per person is roughly 75/80 pp. Drink reception on arrival, dinner x3courses, tea/coffee food at 11pm. Having a wedding ceremony for family only as I have never dreamed of walking into full church and just wanted low key affair, but I want to celebrate with friends and have a party! However lately a few people have said it to me that they will be giving me a smaller gift or that they presume I won't make money on the wedding- comments from others, as I'm not inviting people to the full day. So I just smile and really don't know what to say! You give a gift to a couple for their wedding not on a per person cost basis. I usually go with 100 if going to wedding alone or 150/200 if both are going.

Funny how you say the gift is "not on a per person cost basis" followed immediately with the cash gift amount you give depends on whether you are going to a wedding alone or as a couple ......... why is that?

Oh I see ........... you give more cash if you are going as a couple because it's going to cost the Happy Couple more ........ cover the costs and all that ........ even though it's not about money :rolleyes:

ruasligo12

I've been invited to weddings on my own, as a couple with my family. I give cash, gifts etc ranging from 100 to 400. I've given big presents, small tokens to people who haven't invited me yet I wanted to give something, just as a friend. Each to their own, I do feel however it is a little funny/ weird to talk to bride/ groom about cash and how they will make money/ not make money on their wedding. I don't think that's appropriate. Give what you want, but don't presume you know the prices of things - unless you truly do and if so make your decision on that - do so.

MadDog76

ruasligo12 wrote: »

I've been invited to weddings on my own, as a couple with my family. I give cash, gifts etc ranging from 100 to 400. I've given big presents, small tokens to people who haven't invited me yet I wanted to give something, just as a friend. Each to their own, I do feel however it is a little funny/ weird to talk to bride/ groom about cash and how they will make money/ not make money on their wedding. I don't think that's appropriate. Give what you want, but don't presume you know the prices of things - unless you truly do and if so make your decision on that - do so.

I agree that it is very very strange and incredibly rude that people are talking to you personally about how much your wedding is costing you etc.

My point is most of us nowadays give cash gifts as opposed to an actual gift because that's what expected ......... why?
Also we base the amount we give (including yourself) on certain factors ........ so for people to say "my cash gift has nothing to do with cost blah blah blah" is simply lying.

Can anybody here say they've popped a fiver in a card when themselves and their partner have attended a full traditional Irish wedding?

Can anybody here say they've given 5 grand as a wedding gift when only attending the "Afters"?

lazygal

We base the amount we give on what we can afford and our relationship with the recipient. We're invited to a wedding we can't attend and we aren't terribly close to the couple so we'll send a decline card and a small gift. When we got married my oldest friend gave me a very nice gift that wasn't expensive because she travelled to attend and was a student at the time. Who sits down with a calculator to work out the cost of hosting a wedding per head and gives on that basis? People obsessed with money and who expect others to be the same, that's who.

MadDog76

The standard seems to be .......

1. Cash Gifts

2. 100 euros if attending the full wedding alone or 200 euros if attending the full wedding as a couple.

......... now I didn't set this standard, it just seems to have fallen into place.

So two questions .......

1. Why Cash Gifts?

2. Why, on average, 100 euros per person?

Tarzana2

Faith wrote: »

No, I didn't make any claims, you see . All I can see is you making a ton of assumptions, all of which are incorrect.

All? For every couple? How could you possibly know that?

MrWalsh

MadDog76 wrote: »

Can anybody here say they've popped a fiver in a card when themselves and their partner have attended a full traditional Irish wedding?

Can anybody here say they've given 5 grand as a wedding gift when only attending the "Afters"?

These comparisons are absolutely ridiculous! Who gives either a fiver OR 5k no matter what bit of a wedding they attend?

I gift based on my friendship with the couple and my own personal circumstances of course. Regardless of whether it's a big wedding, small afters, or if I attend etc.

The only people who view it on a cost per head basis have been watching too much Eddie Hobbs and are a bit too obsessed with money. Tight themselves probably.

Faith

MadDog76 wrote: »

Well you either agree with me or you disagree with me ........ you see?

Seeing as you said my assumptions are all incorrect you are disagreeing with me as you believe your own assumptions are correct ....... however I believe your assumptions are incorrect ........ unless of course you have scientifically researched data to say otherwise ......... you see?

Awesome arguing style. Drop an outrageous claim in, and challenge others to disprove you, while refusing to offer any support to your original claim. I won't be engaging with that trolling behaviour further.

Tarzana2 wrote: »

All? For every couple? How could you possibly know that?

I'm not sure how you misinterpreted that post, but the sentence means that I believe that MadDog86's assumptions are all incorrect. I've no idea what you're talking about when you mention couples.

Curioustoknow

PS I'm far from "tight" just honest, who hasn't looked at wedding invitations coming in and thought damn that's the cost of a good holiday to attend. Well apart from the ones who have had weddings themselves or love weddings. I have a friend in her 20's who cant wait till all her pals are married so she can afford a holiday one summer instead of attending weddings!!

MadDog76

MrWalsh wrote: »

These comparisons are absolutely ridiculous! Who gives either a fiver OR 5k no matter what bit of a wedding they attend?

I gift based on my friendship with the couple and my own personal circumstances of course. Regardless of whether it's a big wedding, small afters, or if I attend etc.

The only people who view it on a cost per head basis have been watching too much Eddie Hobbs and are a bit too obsessed with money. Tight themselves probably.

And, financially speaking, what is the current "value" of a close friend's friendship?

MadDog76

Faith wrote: »

Awesome arguing style. Drop an outrageous claim in, and challenge others to disprove you, while refusing to offer any support to your original claim. I won't be engaging with that trolling behaviour further.



I'm not sure how you misinterpreted that post, but the sentence means that I believe that MadDog86's assumptions are all incorrect. I've no idea what you're talking about when you mention couples.

Thank you for admitting my "arguing" style is awesome ......... I assume that's the reason you didn't (couldn't?) challenge me??? Easier to say I'm "trolling" is it? :rolleyes:

Btw couples were mentioned by Tarzana because you refuted my assumptions about married or soon-to-be married couples ......... not that difficult or confusing if you try really hard to understand.

pwurple

Ahhh... Another wedding gift thread.

FYI OP, a band costs thousands. If they have music, food and a venue, then the only bit you are missing from a traditional one is the ceremony, which is not the costly part in a wedding at all.

Toots

I'm going to lock this now because I think it has the potential to be troublesome.

OP, there is a sticky thread at the top of this forum which deals with how much/what to give as wedding presents.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057197788