Flippant comment that really resonated

LegacyUser

Last week my boyfriend and i were chatting about couples we know who have had babies/girl is pregnant. He made a remark....something like..if u told me u were pregnant id be running for the hills. Now i dont think this was meant in seriousness/to hurt me but its really stuck with me since he said it. Im not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon and were only together 8 months but the comment really hit home. Am i right to let his remark upset me or am i overthinking things?

Katgurl

Can you give some more information? How old are you both? How do you see the future? Have you had any discussions around this?

I would be unsettled by this remark for sure - "running for the hills" ugh. But I think men often don't think and it was more a stupid remark than one intended to hurt your feelings. My brother married his college sweetheart when they were in their early 30's, he is 100% committed to them & their children, utterly adores them. However, I don't know how his missus had the patience waiting for him to 'mature', apparently at some stage in their 20's he informed her that if she got knocked up he'd make her have an abortion. I doubt he was in anyway serious but what a thing to say!

Lamp69

Sounds like a joke to me

TheBeardedLady

I think you're really overthinking it, OP. It was a throwaway comment and a joke so take it as such.

pookie82

You should have said "probably should abstain from sex so until you change your mind - it's the only foolproof way to prevent that happening".

Seriously, joke or not it's a really immature thing to say. If you're engaging in regular sex with someone you should be reasonably equipped to deal with the shock of an accidental pregnancy without insinuating you'd "run for the hills".

It's very likely he meant it as an offhand joke, but if I were you I'd be asking for clarification. Something like "you know the other day when you joked you'd run for the hills if I got pregnant ... was there any truth to that?"

Personally I'd want to know if that's what I was facing, were there any "accidents", in my relationship. And if it was, I'd be leaving it.

The Dark Side

Ask him if he was serious.

MagicMarker

upset1987 wrote: »

Last week my boyfriend and i were chatting about couples we know who have had babies/girl is pregnant. He made a remark....something like..if u told me u were pregnant id be running for the hills. Now i dont think this was meant in seriousness/to hurt me but its really stuck with me since he said it. Im not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon and were only together 8 months but the comment really hit home. Am i right to let his remark upset me or am i overthinking things?

You're over thinking.

strobe

Sounds like it was a joke, but with an undercurrent of truth. Not that he'd actually run for the hills if you got pregnant, just that he is definitely opposed to you getting pregnant any time soon. As you have no intention of getting pregnant, just forget about it.

Although, you may want to have a conversation at some point in the next few months about your general thoughts on children.

Chucky the tree

I agree with strobe on the undercurrent of truth to it. He might not physical do a disappearing act but he could break up with you but still play an active role in the child's life.

Tilly

I've made jokes to boyfriends that I'd be getting the boat if I got pregnant. That's all it was, a harmless joke.

orthsquel

I'm somewhat between the posts, on the surface you can take it as a joke, but with reflection I can see how it would be upsetting. I don't think it's a case of being right or not to let it upset you - it has already upset you. Perhaps you are dwelling on things and perhaps it has unsettled you or made you feel insecure on a what if. If that is the case, that it has made you feel insecure or unsettled, then that in itself is actually what you should be addressing rather than anything else to make yourself feel more secure in yourself and in your relationship, so you don't continue second guessing everything he says, if it should be that this remark was a once-off that has made you feel this way. If it or similar comments happened perhaps I'd be more inclined to wonder if there was malice in it.

I suppose in the context of the conversation about other people having babies and getting pregnant is that the joke was to signal that probably right now you and he won't be joining the club or included on that list right now with serious consideration without really knowing by discussion what each other wants in terms of the relationship itself and where it is going, and that probably is a signal to enjoy what you have so far and embrace it, rather than perhaps dwelling on everyone else having kids or feeling pressured to compete with them.

Jenneke87

I think I can understand why the comment upsets you. Even though it's meant as a joke it almost sounds a bit like a disclaime:"I love you, but should you get pregnant I will not be there for you". Perhaps it left you wandering whether he woud stick around in other unexpected/difficult situations. If you really feel hurt I would discuss it with him, otherwise let it slide.

pookie82

strobe wrote: »

As you have no intention of getting pregnant, just forget about it.

I have "no intention" of getting pregnant either ... that doesn't mean it won't accidentally happen. And if it did, I'd want to have a fair idea that the 50 per cent responsible for the accident would stick around to help me figure it out.

strobe

pookie82 wrote: »

I have "no intention" of getting pregnant either ... that doesn't mean it won't accidentally happen. And if it did, I'd want to have a fair idea that the 50 per cent responsible for the accident would stick around to help me figure it out.

That's a fair point. I've no intention of getting anyone pregnant, but if an accident happened I'd want to have a fair idea they'd be hoping on plane to England with me to have the accident dealt with appropriately. That's why I suggested to the OP that it's a conversation she may want to bring up in the near future.

tinz18

Hi OP,
I had the same issue with my boyfriend a few months in (I think we were together about 5 months). He'd consistently make jokes about running for the hills if I ended up pregnant, to the point I was beginning to wonder was he serious. One evening he said it one time too many so I took him up on it and asked him did he really mean it. He was slightly insulted but understood that since we hadn't had the "what would we do chat", I didn't know his stance on it, which turned out to be very similar to my own (in that it would be our worst nightmare but we'd want to keep the baby and make it work).

If its bothering you, maybe mention it to him- there's nothing worse than letting it fester and build up a big issue when its probably not. Plus as far as I'm concerned its always a good to chat about what ifs - if ye're having sex pregnancy could happen and better that you have an idea of the potential reaction.