terrified of brothers operation

hagoonabear

Hi guys, my little brother he's 14 recently found out he has a rare brain malformation, amv it's where one part isn't receiving oxygen due to twisted brain vessels he has to go for an operation and stuff. I'm really devastated about it all I'm crying and just really upset and feel I can't do anything to help

ifElseThen

Sorry to hear about your brother. Just try to be there for him, for reassurance and offer him your shoulder to cry on/chat to/confide in.
And make sure you chat to your parents for your own personal reassurance and to be kept in the loop.

Remember it's is a good thing that it was captured now rather than him having a sudden haemorrhage down the line:
"Over 15 years, the total chance of an AVM bleeding into the brain — causing brain damage and stroke — is 25 percent."

Fingers crossed that it goes well and you all come out smiling on the other side of the surgery.

Tokyo

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through - and you are correct, there is a certain amount of helplessness that you do have to accept in these situations, when everything seems to be in the hands of the doctors involved. But as trite as the words might sound, it really is worth keeping in mind that your brother is in the best possible situation here, considering everything that is happening - he is in good hands with the doctors, they know what is wrong with him and more importantly, how to fix it, and although it is a serious situation, there is nothing to suggest that there will be anything other than a positive outcome.

Helpless as you might feel, there is still plenty that you can do. You can be there for your brother, and indeed, the rest of your family who are no doubt worried too, and you can focus on the positives, and help them focus on the same. After that, it's a case of letting the doctors do what they are trained to do.

For our part here, I wish your brother a speedy recovery, and I'm sure that I can say the same for all posters here.

JillyQ

Hi op my sister had brain surgery a couple of years ago, so i know exactly what your going through. The only thing i can say is be there for your brother also talk to you parents about the surgery and your fears. My sisters surgery was a huge success & we have never looked back since. The Dr's & nurses that work in the neuro surgery units really are fanatasic.

iusedtoknow

You're going to feel very helpless with everything that is going on, it is just a fact of life. All you can do is be there for your brother before and after - even just sitting with him and chatting will do him the world of good. Brain surgery is never fun for anyone involved, and afterwards there will be a slight bit of discomfort for your brother - but just be there for him, bring him his favorite things to read/do and he (and you!) will be grand.

emzolita

OP my sister has had 60+ operations (over her lifetime) on an extremely unusual and aggressive form of AVM , including embollisations, coiling, and excising.
She has had a few massive bleeds too, however, if she can survive them, I'm confident your brother will be okay.
Doctors in Ireland aren't as informed as they'd like to think they are on AVMs. So if your brother ever feels it growing back, or thinks it's getting bigger, demand an angiogram.
Don't get sick yourself by worrying for your brother. Just try to accept that he needs this surgery to get better. everything will work out fine.
xx

FouxDaFaFa

It's okay to feel overwhelmed and upset at a time like this. It's an overwhelming and upsetting situation. It's a normal reaction.

Someone close to me had a similar operation a few years back in Beaumont and we didn't have much notice before it happened. It sounded like such a scary, big operation and I was so worried about it that I just bottled everything up.

Then, in the hospital, I was browsing in the shop for something and saw that the gift card section was filled with cards saying "Sorry you're in the hospital at Christmas". I started crying and could not stop. I felt like I was going to pass out. And I felt bad for being upset, like I was failing my loved one.

But I shouldn't have felt bad because I'm not a robot and neither are you.

My point is: all your brother needs from you is your love and he has that. As for what you can do to help, take your cues from him. If it seems like he might want to talk about it, let him. Otherwise, a degree of normality might be just what he needs.

emzolita

check this out too OP, very encouraging about Irish surgeons and how advanced they are. http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSnBw225065a+100+BSW20141022?irpc=932

LegacyUser

Hi Hagoonabear, sorry to hear about your brother, you both must be going through a tough time. I have a brain avm too and have had various surgeries but because of them it's now nearly completely obliterated! It's good it was discovered before a bleed, I had a massive hemorrhage myself. Just be there for your brother and keep positive, the neurosurgeons are amazing and the surgery will reduce the risks of a future bleed

hagoonabear

thank you all so much for the advice , it really helped me relax about the situation he's released now but due in beaumont in two weeks to start radiation , he can't have surgery as its too deep and dangerous but I am hoping this will help him. He is so terrified , he was in cork for the last few days , he's a really good kid just praying this will all be over soon