Facts of life, help....

clappyhappy

Hi, my daughter is almost 8, but has the maturity of an 11 year old. She is a deep thinker, studious and just seems much more mature than her 10 year old brother. Basically saying that she isn't easily fobbed off!!

A few weeks ago while out driving she said to me that she knows how babies come out (I'm a big fan of call the midwife), but wanted to know how they get in????? I thought about passing it off, but then thought she is not that easily fooled. So I said that I didn't know how to answer her there and then, I want to tell her properly, so I need time to think about the correct way to answer her. So ask me again in a few days. She was fine with that.

Now she and I are going to a hotel on Saturday night, girly thing booked months ago and I know she is going to ask me. How do I tell her??? She's so mature and independent but at the end of the day she is only 8 next month.

I am really fretting over this now, eldest lad has shown no interest in asking questions and wasn't expecting this from her.

I would appreciate any advice you can give me. Thank you.

ch750536

We're so terrified of the 'S' word in Ireland. It's dirty, shameful and should be done in the dark. All this comes about because we never have open and age appropriate discussions about it.

Just be frank and honest without being graphic. Mums have one half of a baby, the egg. Dads have the other half, sperm. They join the two by having sex (I said that word!).
'What is sex?' she asks.
<stay age appropriate without lying>
"It's something all adults do but most people don't like to talk about it. You're a little young just now but it's how we join the two parts of a baby in Mummy's belly. When you're 10 I'll tell you more."

clappyhappy

ch750536 wrote: »

We're so terrified of the 'S' word in Ireland. It's dirty, shameful and should be done in the dark. All this comes about because we never have open and age appropriate discussions about it.

Just be frank and honest without being graphic. Mums have one half of a baby, the egg. Dads have the other half, sperm. They join the two by having sex (I said that word!).
'What is sex?' she asks.
<stay age appropriate without lying>
"It's something all adults do but most people don't like to talk about it. You're a little young just now but it's how we join the two parts of a baby in Mummy's belly. When you're 10 I'll tell you more."

Thanks for that. If it was my eldest I'd have no problem telling him as I think he is old enough.

I am not shy or embarrassed by telling them and looked forward to an open and honest discussion about it. I just think she is so young and innocent and feel she will look at things differently.

They go to a tiny school only 35 kids and all are very innocent, they haven't been exposed to any school yard discussions yet!! As you said I will play it by ear and not be too graphic. Thank you.

Next Gen Gamer

ch750536 wrote: »

We're so terrified of the 'S' word in Ireland. It's dirty, shameful and should be done in the dark. All this comes about because we never have open and age appropriate discussions about it.

Just be frank and honest without being graphic. Mums have one half of a baby, the egg. Dads have the other half, sperm. They join the two by having sex (I said that word!).
'What is sex?' she asks.
<stay age appropriate without lying>
"It's something all adults do but most people don't like to talk about it. You're a little young just now but it's how we join the two parts of a baby in Mummy's belly. When you're 10 I'll tell you more."

Very well put ;-)

Dial Hard

clappyhappy wrote: »

Thanks for that. If it was my eldest I'd have no problem telling him as I think he is old enough.

You just said that she's already more mature than him so I wouldn't get too hung up on either of their actual ages.

pwurple

There are some very good books for that age group about this. I've got a few books about the body which have sections on sex, pregnancy and babies. My 4 year old looks at them, they're very science-y, and child appropriate with flaps that lift, cartoon-ish drawings.

That being said, the pages about how food turns into poop are still her favourite! No interest at all in the baby-making. :S

Sorry I can't remember the names of them right now, but any big bookshop should have something similar.

lazygal

Children appreciate the facts I think. We've always used the correct terms for their body parts, so they know its a penis, vulva, scrotum, testicles etc. Mine are a wee bit young to ask about where babies come from but they've seen pictures of me pregnant and we've explained that they grew inside my uterus until they were ready to be born, and we'll move onto how they got there in the first place when they are ready. I don't think eight is too early. My best friend in school got her period at about 10 and her mum started hers at nine, so best to be prepared. Maybe have a look for recommended books on Amazon. We have a good Usbourne one for ours which goes through all the body parts.

fall

Have a look at the website busybodies.ie. It's used in schools. You can order the DVD.

bp

Also explain that other parents haven't spoken to their children yet so not to discuss it others, just with you or partner.

And things she may hear others say aren't necessarily true so to ask you any questions.

Big Bag of Chips

If there's something that I think they don't need to know yet, I tell them that I will explain it when they are a bit older because it's complicated and they will understand it better when they are a little bit older.

My eldest is 9 and he asked me something the other day, can't remember what now! But he said, "if it's appropriate to tell me now that's good, but if I need to wait until I'm older that's ok too".

He knows a bit about puberty in boys and girls. I have explained that even though periods are very natural and every girl will get them, the thought of them can be quite scary, so he's not to tell any of the girls in his class what will happen. That it's best if their own mams explain it to they understand it better.

Any of the Usborne books are great.

zeffabelli

TEll the truth. Your tone will be important.

Men have little sacks of seeds and women have eggs inside of them. The man plants the seed inside the woman and in her uterus the baby grows until it is ready to come out. That's when a man becomes a dad and a woman becomes a mother.

If she wants more information then tell her, they play a game that brings them close so the seed is planted and can grow. You may have to explain some anatomy. It's just the body, no biggie. Draw some pictures. It could end up being really fun. And funny.

It really is only biology. They wont ask what they aren't ready to hear. I think its more us that has the problem.

If she has teh maturity of an 11 year old then by now she should be well able to comprehend menstruation anyway, and breast development, etc. It's around the corner for her or some of her peers.

clappyhappy

Thank you all very much, I will check out the website and also pop into book shop tomorrow. She is familiar with the the body anatomy names and monthly cycle.

As said, she may be more informed than I give her credit for. Looking forward to a lovely time away with her :)

zeffabelli

clappyhappy wrote: »

Thank you all very much, I will check out the website and also pop into book shop tomorrow. She is familiar with the the body anatomy names and monthly cycle.

As said, she may be more informed than I give her credit for. Looking forward to a lovely time away with her :)

It's great that she feels she can ask you.

I don't think I would have ever asked my parents.

She trusts you!

ash23

I went through female puberty and periods with my daughter at eight and she was fine. I explained that a man puts a seed into a woman's tummy, fertilises the egg etc.
I told her she was a bit too young yet to go through how the seed is put in but that I'd tell her when she was a bit older and she was happy with that.

She's twelve now and I've told her since that chat on an ongoing basis, bit by bit.
She asks me any questions and we've no embarrassment at all.

We'd a chat in the car the other day about porn.

ch750536

fall wrote: »

Have a look at the website busybodies.ie. It's used in schools. You can order the DVD.

I think it may be https://www.healthpromotion.ie/health/inner/busy_bodies

fall

That's it thanks. The DVDs is done with animated figures. You can pick sections that are relevant. They go through male and female puberty, reproduction and menstruation. Very accessible. Great that she is talking to you. I teach sex ed in secondary school. Some kids have no one to talk to or they have been reared to be embarrassed to ask. These children are often very misinformed. So good for you that she trusts you and feels comfortable enough to ask. I also second what someone else said, don't make stuff up and tell them you will tell them what is suitable for their age.

clappyhappy

fall wrote: »

That's it thanks. The DVDs is done with animated figures. You can pick sections that are relevant. They go through male and female puberty, reproduction and menstruation. Very accessible. Great that she is talking to you. I teach sex ed in secondary school. Some kids have no one to talk to or they have been reared to be embarrassed to ask. These children are often very misinformed. So good for you that she trusts you and feels comfortable enough to ask. I also second what someone else said, don't make stuff up and tell them you will tell them what is suitable for their age.

Thank you, yeah she is a great kid and we are good friends. I bought 2 books today, one is the usborne “facts of life, growing up", the other is called “girl talk". Will read both tonight and hopefully will be able to answer all she asks, age appropriate of course!!

Thanks everyone. Learning something new myself.