Confused by my breakup

jenna1057

I've recently been through a break up with a great guy that I still adore! We were both in the same course last year but only got together after we graduated. Things were so great and exciting at the start and I was so surprised at how well we clicked from the beginning, like everything had fallen into place. As we both live in separate counties we travelled each week to see each other and met each others families which went so well! Fast forward a few weeks and we were both up the walls with work and further study which we're both doing, I missed him all the time and he said that once we've both settled down with everything we'd have loads of time together! He came down to visit me last week, completely over the moon to see him as it had been 2 weeks since we had seen each other that night he said he had work in the morning so had to go home which I found so hard for him to leave,! The following day I told him how I was finding it difficult not seeing him and I was so happy and had so much fun together but wanted to know how he felt,! He said he's been feeling the same the last few weeks and how difficult it is with the distance, I had hoped for a resolution which ended in a mutual decision to breakup! So confused whether I should have fought harder as I care so much about him and were there other reasons that he never said how he was feeling! Thank you for all the help,

HonestCry

You should ask him. Things always get hard from time to time but understanding the situation you guys are both in is what needs to be understood! Personally I think distance may be a good thing It keeps things interesting and really pulls emotions from a person that they may have never felt before!

If you still feel strongly about him then talk, there's no use turning a cheek to what makes you happy. We're not put on this earth to avoid finding the truth and finding happiness.

Goodluck

orthsquel

You've had difficulty in meeting up due to distance and difficulty in being apart, and he citied having difficulty with the distance..... but it doesn't sound like any sort of move was suggested by the other at any point over the times you were meeting up? The only real solution would have been either one of you moved to the location of the other, or a move for both of you to a place that suited both of you. That would have required either one of you or both to change your post grad study plans and work. And that might not have been a feasible, workable, possible option for either of or both of you. It wouldn't have been realistic either to maintain the distance if it would be a difficulty for both of you in practical terms as well as privacy terms and may eat into time either of you needed for study or work. I doubt there were other reasons. And probably that the only resolution would have been to continue commuting to meet eachother knowing that it may be difficult in practicality with work and study and may be difficult emotionally on each other or moving, and that conversation, for whatever reason, never occurred.

It probably was for the best if you both have further or post grad studies and work that a long distance relationship on top of it might have been too much for either of you to cope with, because sacrifices would have to be made somewhere at some point for that time with each other. It may not have been doable in the long run which might have just delayed an inevitable break up.

LegacyUser

Am I missing something here? You were having a great time together, met each other's families, were excited to see each other and both putting in effort to meet as and when you could, then had a chat and broke up. What? Why? Missing each other while you're a little busy is a slight sting, but surely it's nothing compared to the hurt of giving up? So he said the distance was an issue, but you both managed to travel it every other week so it can't be that bad. He left your place at night to be home for work in the morning, so it's obviously not that difficult a journey.

I'm stumped as to why you would give this up, I can only think you're taking each other up wrong when you talk about the frustration of missing each other and the effort of travelling, with one or both of you taking it to mean the other wants to break up instead of putting in what seems to be very little effort to keep it going, just a little travel and making it through a busy period for both of you after which you'll have more time and flexibility or the ability for one or both of you to relocate.

I think you guys really need to talk, properly.

jenna1057

Guessed wrote: »

Am I missing something here? You were having a great time together, met each other's families, were excited to see each other and both putting in effort to meet as and when you could, then had a chat and broke up. What? Why? Missing each other while you're a little busy is a slight sting, but surely it's nothing compared to the hurt of giving up? So he said the distance was an issue, but you both managed to travel it every other week so it can't be that bad. He left your place at night to be home for work in the morning, so it's obviously not that difficult a journey.

I'm stumped as to why you would give this up, I can only think you're taking each other up wrong when you talk about the frustration of missing each other and the effort of travelling, with one or both of you taking it to mean the other wants to break up instead of putting in what seems to be very little effort to keep it going, just a little travel and making it through a busy period for both of you after which you'll have more time and flexibility or the ability for one or both of you to relocate.

I think you guys really need to talk, properly.

That's what's confused me so much with this entire thing! If he was feeling bad about the distance then why did he travel down to see me? What gets me more was I asked him how we could make things better and he kept saying I don't know how we can! I'm not sure whether he was waiting for me to suggest we break up or what! So confused!

Stavro Mueller

jenna1057 wrote: »

That's what's confused me so much with this entire thing! If he was feeling bad about the distance then why did he travel down to see me? What gets me more was I asked him how we could make things better and he kept saying I don't know how we can! I'm not sure whether he was waiting for me to suggest we break up or what! So confused!

Maybe he was having doubts and made the trip one last time to confirm it in his head? Or he came to break up with you and couldn't face doing it straight away? That's only guesswork though.

Your story sounds very familiar to me though. Have you posted about this guy at least twice before?
Including: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057385137

If it is (and I'm pretty confident I'm right here), this just sounds like it was waaaay too much hard work right from the start.

davmol

huh? You are both obviously mad for each other and so decided to break up???

Thats like saying i love going to las vegas but i cant go there every day so ill just leave it for the rest of my life.