Totally confused have I misread the situation? Need some advice please

mm123

There's a guy I know that lives locally and we know a lot of the same people etc but never really spoke. Last week it was my birthday but he mailed me on POF to say happy birthday as he said FB was too impersonal. We were talking about our weekend plans and mine were cancelled last minute so I wasn’t going out but said he said I was more than welcome to join him and his mates if I wanted to but I didn’t get the message until late that night so I apologised and thanked him for the invite. He messaged me back 4 days later on to say he was deleting his POF profile because there was too many weirdos on it and wished me the best of luck on it, said I was a lovely girl and very good looking and that I will be snapped up in no time.
I obviously like him so said I would send him a msg on FB after that and he replied, I responded late Saturday night as I was working but I havent heard from him since.I know he has seen it and has been online since and I know I sound like such a twat but I do like him and FB is the only was of contacting him (I dont have his number only snapchat). I thought he may be interested when he contacted me first and even asked me to join him but now hes ignoring me have I misread the signals, is he not as interested as I thought? What should I do now?

Blue Iris

If he's seen your message and hasn't responded then I would take that as a sign that he doesn't want to get involved unfortunately. He may find you attractive and like you but may not want to be in a relationship. I could be completely wrong, but that's the interpretation I would make if it happened to me.

I would leave the ball in his court and try to get him out of your mind for now. If he's thinking about getting to know you better, he'll get back in touch. If he doesn't then I would chalk it up to experience. If he's fickle (he may not be!) then it's not worth being in a relationship with him.

orthsquel

Erm, did you previously interact on either POF or facebook or snapchat prior to him contacting you on POF to wish you a happy birthday? How did he know it was your birthday?

It doesn't seem like you really know eachother, you've never really spoken to eachother, so I'd be a bit puzzled why he would be on POF wishing you a happy birthday which I would see as more impersonal than facebook, which is more impersonal than you know, talking face to face, seeing that he is very local.

If you like him, talk to him in person. Start communicating in person. Cut out the online middleman which can create a false sense of reality in being close. He's local to you, there's no reason why he can't just talk to you and you to him in person.

LegacyUser

mm123 wrote: »

What should I do now?

Absolutely nothing. If he doesn't at least respond politely, you'll have your answer and it's not worth another thought. If he responds, you'll know where to go next, but for now say nothing and if you bump into him again and he hasn't replied, carry on as you would have.

mm123

orthsquel wrote: »

Erm, did you previously interact on either POF or facebook or snapchat prior to him contacting you on POF to wish you a happy birthday? How did he know it was your birthday?

It doesn't seem like you really know eachother, you've never really spoken to eachother, so I'd be a bit puzzled why he would be on POF wishing you a happy birthday which I would see as more impersonal than facebook, which is more impersonal than you know, talking face to face, seeing that he is very local.

If you like him, talk to him in person. Start communicating in person. Cut out the online middleman which can create a false sense of reality in being close. He's local to you, there's no reason why he can't just talk to you and you to him in person.

He knows it was my birthday from Facebook. We would have sent a few snapchats to each other before but not conversational. I know he fancies me because I was seeing a guy who is close to his best mate last year and he told me I had a "fan club" as this guy was talking about how "attractive" he thinks I am.
I would love to get to know him more and cut this childish Facebook stuff but I don't know how to go about getting his number. I know he is local but work/college means we are not around a enough to bump into each other. I don't know whether to give it a while and take another chance or just let him off

strobe

What was your response to him on Facebook that he didn't reply to? Did it ask a question? i.e"what are you up to for the weekend?" Or was it just a statement i.e"Yeah, I'm getting on fine. College is going grand."?

He obviously likes you. Inviting you out
He's been telling people he thinks you're attractive. He chose to message you via a dating site. Telling you you'll be snapped up in no time.
He's into you, he just isn't sure if you're into him.

Message him on Facebook. Ask him if he'd like to meet up for a drink or something sometime. And then if/when he says yes ask him for his number or give him yours so you don't have to be talking through Facebook.

WheatenBriar

Exactly,get into the driving seat here,get his phone number if you haven't already got it and CALL him,saying you'd like a night out just you and him to see how ye get on,What have you got to lose?

This cuts out all the faffing about and speculation
Old saying-A dumb priest never got a parish

SMILE

retro:electro

He probably thinks you're not interested since he asked you to join him out and you turned him down. I know I would have taken that as a brush off anyway. Maybe message him and say hey how was your night out? Sorry I couldn't make it but id love to join you next time if you're up for that!

mm123

strobe wrote: »

What was your response to him on Facebook that he didn't reply to? Did it ask a question? i.e"what are you up to for the weekend?" Or was it just a statement i.e"Yeah, I'm getting on fine. College is going grand."?

He obviously likes you. Inviting you out
He's been telling people he thinks you're attractive. He chose to message you via a dating site. Telling you you'll be snapped up in no time.
He's into you, he just isn't sure if you're into him.

Message him on Facebook. Ask him if he'd like to meet up for a drink or something sometime. And then if/when he says yes ask him for his number or give him yours so you don't have to be talking through Facebook.

I asked him what was he at that night was he out etc, but I sent it late at like 11 o clock, he seen it right away but maybe he was out and then just left it and forgot? I don't know. I thought he came across as interested too it's just a shame he hasn't replied since. I don't know whether I should message again and make a joke about his communication skills or just leave him.. I don't want to look desperate either

mm123

strobe wrote: »

What was your response to him on Facebook that he didn't reply to? Did it ask a question? i.e"what are you up to for the weekend?" Or was it just a statement i.e"Yeah, I'm getting on fine. College is going grand."?

He obviously likes you. Inviting you out
He's been telling people he thinks you're attractive. He chose to message you via a dating site. Telling you you'll be snapped up in no time.
He's into you, he just isn't sure if you're into him.

Message him on Facebook. Ask him if he'd like to meet up for a drink or something sometime. And then if/when he says yes ask him for his number or give him yours so you don't have to be talking through Facebook.

I asked him what was he at that night was he out etc, but I sent it late at like 11 o clock, he seen it right away but maybe he was out and then just left it and forgot? I don't know. I thought he came across as interested too it's just a shame he hasn't replied since. I don't know whether I should message again and make a joke about his communication skills or just leave him.. I don't want to look desperate either

Dellnum

The ball is in his court. If he is interested he will send you a message, and if he doesn't then forget about him, simple as.

retro:electro

Dellnum wrote: »

The ball is in his court. If he is interested he will send you a message, and if he doesn't then forget about him, simple as.

But he asked her to join him out and she declined, he may be feeling a little rebuffed. I think the op should make contact again and maybe advance the conversation and possibly make plans to see each other

mm123

anna080 wrote: »

But he asked her to join him out and she declined, he may be feeling a little rebuffed. I think the op should make contact again and maybe advance the conversation and possibly make plans to see each other

I did send him a message on FB after he deleted his profile which he replied to and just asked what happened that I didn't head out that night and I told him it was due to an argument amongst friends and just asked his plans for that night but it was late and that's when I didn't get the reply. So that's why I was wondering do I leave it or try one more time

njs030

Dellnum wrote: »

The ball is in his court. If he is interested he will send you a message, and if he doesn't then forget about him, simple as.

Agree with this. If he's interested he will contact you. When you like someone you don't forget to reply either!

Sending another message just makes you look needy, move on with your life and if he contacts you take it from there.

mackeire

Holy mother of god, why do people live their lives on Facebook???

Go up to the chap and ask him out!! Don't do it on Facebook or any other Internet site.

Worst case scenario, he says no. More than likely won't happen tho.

Idle Passerby

He likes you, he's not sure you like him, he's hoping you will give him some indication one way or the other before he embarrasses himself.

Wishing you a happy birthday via a dating profile despite having you on facebook and snapchat

The bit about him deleting his dating profile: he likes you but doesn't want to make it too obvious incase your not interested so he was fishing for some clues.

He invited you out on a "safe group outing and got turned down. My reading would be he's not sure if youd say yes to an actual date so he was testing the water by making it a friends thing.

You messaging him at 11pm comes across as meeting him wasn't your first choice of a good night out. So he reckons your only interested in being friends.

There's too much pussy-footing around going on. You know you like him, you know he likes you, just ask him out.

Dellnum

You sent him a Facebook message after the night out mix up and he replied and then you sent him another message and he didn't reply, so I am afraid you have to wait for that reply first before anything more happens, or else you will look like you are chasing him.

WheatenBriar

mackeire wrote: »

Holy mother of god, why do people live their lives on Facebook???

Go up to the chap and ask him out!! Don't do it on Facebook or any other Internet site.

Worst case scenario, he says no. More than likely won't happen tho.

Aye
For gawds sake OP,if everyone carried on like you do,human kind would die out because no one would be mating
Talk to him

orthsquel

Give him a chance.
Both of you sound somewhat reluctant to try to save yourselves from embarrassment..... and you know what, that could be the worst mistake for either of you, if both of you are perhaps thinking "I like him" "I like her" and nobody makes a move and life just moves on. Opportunity missed! You could sit around waiting for him to make his move but tbh I don't think that is really likely given the what ifs and buts of what has happened so far as to him testing the waters or expressing an interest; so if you do like this guy, just ask him out!
Get his number, call him and ask him out. The worst that can happen is that he says no, and that is no big deal because you'll have plucked up the courage to ask him out with the risk of rejection, and that is an achievement in itself. To save any confusion about what is meant at either side, talk to him over the phone or talk to him in person, don't do it over facebook or text or whatever and panic about the whole aspect of read messages going ignored or misunderstanding or misinterpretation or miscommunication of any sort including someone not getting back to you. If you ask over the phone or in person you'll have an answer without any of the worry or anxiety that goes with text and online messaging.

retro:electro

Another scenario may be that he met someone out that night and then decided to delete his dating profile. That also may give reason to why he's not engaging with you as much. An unlikely scenario perhaps but one worth mentioning.

mm123

Thank you to everyone who has replied. So where will I go from here will I
A) mail him again and ask for his number directly
leave it or
C) try get his number from someone we both know?

ash23

mm123 wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has replied. So where will I go from here will I
A) mail him again and ask for his number directly
leave it or
C) try get his number from someone we both know?

D) Message him asking if he wants to meet for a coffee

Dellnum

If I were you I would just casually message him again and see does he reply. I think it would be much better to risk him not replying again then to ask him out and for him to say he doesn't think it is a good idea. You should be able to gauge how he feels through messaging him.

retro:electro

Something casual like "hello! How is your week going? Was wondering if you're free this weekend to grab a coffee maybe?"

mm123

So I sent him another message on FB on Monday night just simple how was your weekend etc but no reply, on the other hand it shows he hasn't actually seen the message yet well not opened it anyway and it doesn't say when he was last online. I always noticed his mobile number is on his profile so I could have just text him! I feel like such an idiot now.. 😡

magicmushroom

mm123 wrote: »

So I sent him another message on FB on Monday night just simple how was your weekend etc but no reply, on the other hand it shows he hasn't actually seen the message yet well not opened it anyway and it doesn't say when he was last online. I always noticed his mobile number is on his profile so I could have just text him! I feel like such an idiot now.. 😡

If he hasn't read it then he doesn't know it exists yet so don't be worrying until it shows as read - if he doesn't reply then though, you'll have to just move on I'm afraid

I hope he replies, let us know! Good luck

skallywag

Well he could actually have seen it without it being marked as 'seen', i.e. if he has his phone set to flash such messages onto the screen he could have read it when it flashed up but not actually have opened it using the app, hence it would register as delivered but not seen.

I actually find it inconvenient that one cannot easily disable the 'seen' in FB. On the other-hand it is indeed possible to disable the 'seen' feature with other messaging systems, e.g. iMessage, so the sender will never be notified when the recipient reads the actual message.

liz lemoncello

anna080 wrote: »

Another scenario may be that he met someone out that night and then decided to delete his dating profile. That also may give reason to why he's not engaging with you as much. An unlikely scenario perhaps but one worth mentioning.

This was my thought as well.

mm123 wrote: »

..... He messaged me back 4 days later on to say he was deleting his POF profile because there was too many weirdos on it and wished me the best of luck on it, said I was a lovely girl and very good looking and that I will be snapped up in no time. ....

It sounds as though he's telling you he is no longer interested and best of luck finding someone.

Matteroffact

mm123 wrote: »

So I sent him another message on FB on Monday night just simple how was your weekend etc but no reply, on the other hand it shows he hasn't actually seen the message yet well not opened it anyway and it doesn't say when he was last online. I always noticed his mobile number is on his profile so I could have just text him! I feel like such an idiot now.. 😡

You did nothing to feel like an idiot about. All you did was ask him how his weekend went. Imagine how you would feel if you asked him out and he said no. Do not contact him anymore now. You have done your bit.
Don't read too much into him asking you to meet up with his friends that night, that could have just been because you were let down by your friend and he felt obliged to ask you to join them.