24 year old with bouts of ED..feeling inadequate and pathetic

LegacyUser

I guess I am just looking for advice because right now I feel utterly disgusted with myself. I tried having sex with my girlfriend after half a bottle of wine last night and it didn't work at all. We had sex 3 times prior to the wine. I couldn't feel much down there when we tried and my erection disappeared within a minute. She gave me oral which helped but ultimately once I lost my erection I was focusing too much and it was never gonna get hard.

The problem is that the damage that done to my confidence carried over today and when sober I lost my erection too. As an anxiety sufferer I tend to fear the worst and I assumed I was gonna lose it - I was in my head too much. Eventually I was able to have sex an hour or so later. But i'm typing this message feeling embarrassed and humiliated because after a lot of drinks I have been unable to have intercourse again. We were celebrating a national holiday in her country and naturally had quite a lot to drink (it's a long distance romance) I gave her oral for ages in an attempt to pleasure her but I know she wanted sex and i couldn't fulfill her needs. Afterwards I even told her she'd be better off finding a real man who can help her when she is horny. Which is a shame because she was really nice about it and she blamed the alcohol but in my head I just assumed all she was thinking was "what is up with this guy, a real man could have sex when he wants to"

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, all I know is when you have a girl as beautiful as her naked and pretty much gagging for it and you can't give it to her, its the worst feeling in the world. I feel truly pathetic. I've even questioned my sexuality over it. Surely this is not meant to happen to a 24 year old healthy guy? Yes I had too much to drink today but still, I just know this will happen again when im sober because ive been thinking so much about it. Thanks for any advice at all

LegacyUser

I would have been the same as you at your age... I'm in my mid 40s now and accepting that if it happens it happens.

You're drinking the booze to build confidence but then booze gives you brewer's droop... it's a bad cycle to get into.

Avoiding the alcohol would be a good start.

Real men get ED too and many of my friends joke about it happen - particularly after drinking.

IlmoNT4

OP, I dont think you have ED...I think you had too much to drink.

Your reaction is way way way over the top. You are a human being, not some kinda machine.... stopping getting yourself so worked up over nothing and if you do want to have sex all-night then I'd suggest that you slow down, maintain an erection without climaxing, dont drink as much and stop thinking.

DukeOfTheSharp

Alcohol can interact with your body just fine 90% of the time, but that 10% is the real kicker when it happens. Just relax, you don't have ED and you don't need to question your sexuality, despite all the jokes, this can literally happen to anyone and as someone with anxiety you're going to feel so much worse when this kind of things happen. Just avoid the drink and do something (exercise, get anti-anxiety medication, etc.) to take the edge off how you're feeling now. Also, explain to your girlfriend what the situation is, I'm sure she'll be fine with it, and that'll help build your confidence back up.

bee06

As the previous posters have said, it's not ED it's the effect of the drink. It's quite common and you shouldn't be embarrassed or anxious about it, just go easy on the drink if you are planning on having sex later in the night.

Penny Tration

It's not ED. it's what's known as brewer's droop!

Very common among men who have been drinking.

Unfortunately, as you're a very anxious person, it carries over to the next day when you're sober. That could lead to issues with psychologically induced ED in the future if ignored.

I'd suggest laying off the drink anytime sex is on the cards, and speaking to your GP about the anxiety. Once you have the anxiety sorted and cut back on the booze, you'll have no issues.

Sleepless and Manic

46cantgetitup wrote: »

I guess I am just looking for advice because right now I feel utterly disgusted with myself. I tried having sex with my girlfriend after half a bottle of wine last night and it didn't work at all. We had sex 3 times prior to the wine.

As everyone else has said... its basically one of the huge injustices of life that alcohol dulls your ability to get a hard on. If you did it three times before the wine that wouldnt have helped either.

Its totally normal.

LegacyUser

Thanks to those who replied so far...

Unfortunately the dreaded thing happened and now I feel 100x worse. Not even just a bad mood but actually depressed ; self-esteem is at ground zero. I tried having sex while sober but the negative thinking and expecting ED again carried over into my performance and i couldn't have sex. It's really annoying because only 2 days ago I had it 3 times and now it's like I just can't do it.

i'm even afraid to try it again because i'm just expecting the same result. I just have it in my head now that sex is this thing to be anxious about and when i try attempt it, the fight/flight response kicks in and a proper erection is an extreme difficulty. I feel awful, this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach like i'm not a real man. I don't even have anything physically wrong with me but that doesn't help me feel any better.

beks101

OP you really need to calm down. It's just sex, it's not some grand marker of your worth as a man. Your gf isn't going to lie there pointing and laughing if you can't get it up once or twice, you're just not going to have penetrative sex at that point and life will move on.

This is a very dangerous precedent to set for yourself as a reaction to what is clearly a case of 'whiskey d1ck' - at this point you don't seem to have ED but if you continue to freak out and over-analyse and go the route of catastrophic thinking, you may well create the condition in yourself. As far as I'm aware, the psychological component is a very strong aspect of ED - the obsessive worry and anxiety that I'm not going to get it up which of course pre-empts not getting it up.

If every time I walk into the kitchen I keep telling myself obsessively, repeatedly, 'I'm going to eat that entire packet of biscuits, look at them there, it's 100% going to happen, I'm gravitating towards them...", and staring and waiting for myself to lose control, then yeah, I'm probably going to eat the biscuits. Bad analogy, but you get the point. You are tempting fate with this sh1t and your anxiety and fear of not being to maintain an erection being the worst thing in the world is going to wreak havoc with you if you don't reign it in.

It's really not the end of the world. I'm a woman, I've laid in bed with a guy who couldn't get it up. I didn't care, I was just happy to be there. What I DID care about was how he closed himself off to me. Instead of saying, "oh well, not gonna happen tonight babe" he freaked his sh1t, avoided physical intimacy and avoided me until the relationship could go in no other direction but to end. Don't do that. Be open and communicative with your gf and sexually, focus on other things.

Next time you're in bed with the gf, don't think about your penis. Think about your gf, her body and how hot that is, explore her, enjoy yourself. Take penetration off the cards for a night or two - honestly good sex is about a lot more than having a d1ck inside you, to be blunt about it. Focus on giving her pleasure, getting closer to her. Your body is more than equipped to react naturally to external stimulus if you slow down, strip away the over-thinking and give it a chance.

tara73

very good advice from beks101.

and just keep the booze out. it's very apparent from your original post you just have difficulties if there's alcohol involved. without you're fine.

leave the booze out or just accept it, with drinking alcohol, you wouldn't get it up. no big deal, simple as.

Sleepless and Manic

46cantgetitup wrote: »

Unfortunately the dreaded thing happened and now I feel 100x worse. Not even just a bad mood but actually depressed ; self-esteem is at ground zero. I tried having sex while sober but the negative thinking and expecting ED again carried over into my performance and i couldn't have sex. It's really annoying because only 2 days ago I had it 3 times and now it's like I just can't do it.

I understand. And then there's the pressure of everyone saying "just dont worry about it" when you are really worried about it.

People say just relax and dont worry about it and it'll be fine but that can actually feel like a huge amount of pressure because you're worried and its not easy to "just relax".

The effect of booze can actually last a long time. Weeks even. Its rare but it can.

The best thing is to share it all with her. Tell her everything about whats going on. Its a totally normal thing.

As a last resort if you're really really really worried you can always go to your GP. There's pills that fix the problem right away.