Pregnant cheating girlfriend

LegacyUser

Hi,

I would like if someone could help me out with the following, please.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years. We had a rough spell late last year when she cheated on me. The relationship had been hard, but I knew I loved her so did what I had to make it work.

I am deeply in love with her, so we talked (or I talked at least, she doesn't open up much). I decided to give her a second chance as she told me it was just a drunken mistake and that she loves me and it is me she wants to be with.

Then very early this year she told me she was pregnant, I had a few douths but she reasurred me that there is no question that the baby is mine.

Now in the last couple of weeks, I've found out she cheated again on me, since she told me was pregnant. To be honest, I find it very hard to believe anything she tells me now.

Not sure what I am looking for here, but maybe just other peoples thoughts.

Thanks for reading.

Stavro Mueller

In the case of the child, the only way you can know for sure is a paternity test. Maybe even your girlfriend has no clue who the father is.

As for your girlfriend, what it is that you want? You're only together two years and already you've been cheated on twice that you know of. You don't trust her and who'd blame you? It's easy for me to talk from behind a keyboard but I can't see how you can continue in this relationship and be at peace. How on earth can you trust someone who's willing to sleep with other men? I know you love her but sometimes we fall for people who are wrong for us.

Tokyo

My honest opinion OP after reading your post is that your relationship is most definitely a secondary issue here right now. Reading what you posted, I'm not sure if it's salvageable, or indeed, if it's worth salvaging.

The primary issue to deal with right now is to establish whether or not you have a child with this person, and the only way to verify that is a paternity test. And considering all that's happened, if I were in your shoes then I would be insisting on one. If it does turn out that she is carrying your child, then regardless of how you move forward with her, try to establish some sort of ground rules where you can be a part of your child's life - they are always going to be an innocent party in all of this.

IF it turns out that the child is not yours, then what you do is up to you. But if it were me, I'd be pointing myself in the opposite direction as quickly as I could, not looking back.

StripedBoxers

If I were you I would be getting a paternity test and also a visit to your own GP to have yourself checked out, if she has had unprotected sex with others she may have picked up something, so best to get yourself checked out to be safe.

To be honest I don't recommend staying in a relationship with her, even if the baby is yours, while its preferable to stay together as a family unit, if the baby is yours, do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who can sleep around so easily and potentially put you at risk from STI's etc? Is that really the type of partner you want?

Two years is a short time to have been cheated on twice, and also to have a partner who's pregnant and you don't even know if you are the father?

As much as you love her, you would really be better off away from her and maybe work on your own self esteem because you are worth more, and really don't deserve to be treated like you have been. If you are considering staying with her I would recommend counselling, maybe couples/relationship counselling, and also seeing a counsellor on your own might be an idea.

Good luck OP, I wish you all the best and hope it all works out for the best for everyone involved.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replys,

I think I know myself that there is no future in the relationship it was so hard for me the first time to give a second chance, I'm so angry with myself for doing so and putting myself in this situation now.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even think. I feel physically sick all the time.

I tried to find out about a DNA test but it seems that can only be done when the baby is born. That seems like so far away, what am I meant to do in the mean time?

She still says thier is no question that I am the father, she says she knows that for a fact, but how can I believe anything she tells me?

LegacyUser

I would advise you to get a a paternity test and also a visit to your own GP to have yourself checked out in case she give you an sti.

You have given this woman the past 2 years of your life and meanwhile she has cheated on you. She tells you that she is pregnant and that you are the father. Since then you found out she cheated on you again. The reality is that this baby may not be yours. She could be telling you this as long term your a better bet than the father of this this child.
You need to get paternity test done. If this baby is yours they need you to be involved in there lives but long term it would be better for the baby/child not growing up with with parents that are cheating on each other or fighting with each other.

At this stage you need to value yourself and you deserve to be treated with some respect.
My feeling this that your relationship went trough a bad patch but you were wiling to work to improve things meanwhile she was not willing to do the same.

I know it is hard to walk away when you care for someone but sometimes you have to do this.

shaymus27

No matter how much you might want to be with her in the future, she hasn't had any respect or feelings for you to date.
It seems she has only been with you for the sake of it, not really happy with you as she has cheated on you god knows how many times.

None of her ex lovers want to be with her full time and they certainly won't want to be once she has a baby.

She will only want to be with you because no-one will else will have her full-time and you might be the only one wanting her with a baby.

Even if the baby is yours, she has no respect for you, you will never be enough for her, you can't trust her.

The cheating will only happen again. She seems practised at telling you anything and then doing whatever she wants.

If the child is yours would you want to be with someone who over the next years will probably cheat on you? Will it be pleasant for a child to see it's parents argue over affairs? My only fear is if the child is yours and she looks after it, what sort of men will she be bringing in to it's life? There's nothing you can do about that. If the child isn't yours, unless you are really desperate and are willing to be a life long doormat, you should leave her. This applies imo even if the child is yours.

As to what to do while you wait for the baby to be born? What will you do if the child is yours? What will you do if it isn't?

Get yourself checked for STI's.

Santa Cruz

lady lady wrote: »

I would advise you to get a a paternity test and also a visit to your own GP to have yourself checked out in case she give you an sti.

You have given this woman the past 2 years of your life and meanwhile she has cheated on you. She tells you that she is pregnant and that you are the father. Since then you found out she cheated on you again. The reality is that this baby may not be yours. She could be telling you this as long term your a better bet than the father of this this child.
You need to get paternity test done. If this baby is yours they need you to be involved in there lives but long term it would be better for the baby/child not growing up with with parents that are cheating on each other or fighting with each other.

At this stage you need to value yourself and you deserve to be treated with some respect.
My feeling this that your relationship went trough a bad patch but you were wiling to work to improve things meanwhile she was not willing to do the same.

I know it is hard to walk away when you care for someone but sometimes you have to do this.

She has shown twice that she can't be trusted. Walk away now or prepare to be treated like a fool

LegacyUser

Hi,

Again thanks for the replys. If the child turns out to be mine I definitely want to be a part of he/her life. I would even be interested in having sole custody. I do not know anything about this, or how it might work. I guess the father would have less rights?

Would I be right in saying that I will have to wait till the baby is born to have a test done to be sure? As I have read that it can be dangerous to do so during pregnancy?

Right now I am out of this relationship, I just can't give another chance, I can not put myself in anymore of a bad situation.

If you asked me, do I believe I'm the father, I would say, yes.

Stavro Mueller

Sadandlost wrote: »

I think I know myself that there is no future in the relationship it was so hard for me the first time to give a second chance, I'm so angry with myself for doing so and putting myself in this situation now.

I'm sorry you are in this mess but if you're honest with yourself, you were never going to split with her after the first time. Even now you don't sound like you're 100% certain you can walk away. And that's after finding out that she went and did it again.

I tried to find out about a DNA test but it seems that can only be done when the baby is born. That seems like so far away, what am I meant to do in the mean time?

I did some searching online and there may be non-invasive paternity tests that can be done before the child is born. I honestly don't know if this is true but it'd definitely be something to follow up on. I wonder would a family planning clinic know about these things? Or a family law solicitor?

She still says there is no question that I am the father, she says she knows that for a fact, but how can I believe anything she tells me?

She would say that of course. Unless the other man/men? she slept with, you're still around. You're reliable, you're good dad material.

Regardless of whether this baby is yours or not, it would be better if you split. She has already built up a little track record of cheating for herself and there is absolutely no guarantee she won't do the same in the future. If she loved and respected you, she would not have cheated a second time. Assuming the child is yours, staying together for the sake of him/her would do more harm than good in the long term. You can both be good parents to this child while not being together.

LadyAthame

I would not trust her word on the paternity you should get a test and quite honestly you should hope it comes out negative. I am sorry if that sounds harsh but you should back away from this girl. Demand a test.

She has shown no respect for you. It's going to be a very rough future. Don't be with someone you would hurt you like this not once but twice.

Stavro Mueller

Sadandlost wrote: »

Hi,

Again thanks for the replies. If the child turns out to be mine I definitely want to be a part of he/her life.I would even be interested in having sole custody. I do not know anything about this, or how it might work. I guess the father would have less rights?

Be very careful here. As an unmarried father in Ireland you don't have the same rights as as married one. See http://www.treoir.ie for more. Your best bet is to quietly talk to a solicitor. As for wanting sole custody, do you seriously think that's a runner? If you want to play a part in the child's life, do not breathe a word of that to her or you'll be lucky to see him/her at all.

davmol

You have no idea if you are the father absolutely no idea.DO NOT assume,feel or think you are until you have DNA evidence in your hands proving it.

Have you seen Maury povich and the women who brought 5 lads on and none turned out to be the father.

She is a 5 dollar hoe and needs to go.

Have no contact until the paternity test.Kick her to the kerb.Adios.

get yourseld down to the local STI clinic and make sure youre not infected.Dirty sk@nks carry diseases.

strobe

I dont know if this is an option you'd consider. But have you thought about requesting she have a termination? I know that'd be top of my list of preferred options given the circumstances.

Information on prenatal paternity testing:

http://www.ddc-ireland.com/prenatal-testing.php

I would get this done asap and take it from there.

But how sure are you that she's even pregnant?

DoYouEvenLift

End the relationship immediately

Wait until the baby is born

Get a paternity test done

Pray the baby isn't yours.


She's made a total fool out of you, you can't trust her anymore.

Magicmatilda

I would recommend you end the relationship and communicate with her only once paternity has been established.

This child may not be yours. You do not want to become emotionally attached to the idea of the child any more than you already are.

If it is - sole custody in Ireland for an unmarried father is highhly unlikely. Even if she were to die you would not automatically become the childs gaurdian. So if the child is yours, apply for guardianship straight away. Then you can come to agreement about access, I suggest that you do this through legal agreements. Its cleaner all round.