stuborn diabetic wont go to doctor... advice?

positivenote

Hi all,
im in a situation where im at wits end with my aging father, and apologies to mods if this is the wrong place to post.
My father is type 2 diabetic, having been diagnosed over 6 years ago. During the last 6 years hes had a big toe amputated, has been in a diabetic coma, and is constantly giving out about his health. He lives with my mam and she has had to 'suffer' with him for all that time. He refuses point blank to go on insulin and would rather take his prescribed tablets daily and check his bloods himself. Anyway.... to the point of the post: In the last two weeks he has lost his appetite and is struggling to keep food down when he does eat and when we say he should go to the doctor he refuses... it has now been 11 days since this all started and despite a little improvement he still wont go to the doctor. My poor mam has lived with this stubborn side for years and has lost all pity she had for him and claims that he's over doing the whole 'poor-me' attitude and as she says he's always been a 'brutal patient'. I have tried all approaches; talking to him, rationalizing with him, quilting him with his grandchildren not having a grand dad in future but he still seems to be adamant that hes not going to a doctor and that when I put any point towards him he gets aggressive and confrontational. I have constantly said that he will not get better himself if he isn't taking anything for it and he can only take something that the doctor will prescribe.
I really would appreciate any advice on how to deal with this if anyone has any opinions they would be welcomed... we as a family know what kind of a stubborn/selfish a**hole he is being so I please dont need to be reminded.
thanks in advance

Tokyo

Have you considered making arrangements for his doctor to make a house call out to him? I was in a very similar situation a few years back with an elderly relative, who adamantly refused to go to the doctor for a chronic issue. When the doctor walked in the door of the house though, the same stubborn relative was as mollified as could be, and let the doctor do all of the tests they needed, albeit somewhat begrudgingly at times.

LadyAthame

Hi OP. There are counselors trained to deal with difficult older people they also work in patient advocacy. Go to a Dr with experience in older patients and difficult ones. Bottom line: a physician with a heart for seniors.

Once an adult, twice a child. This means it might be the time your Dad needs to be looked after now. You may need to take over a little. He would rather pretend it's not there because he is afraid of it. Tell him he will have MORE control if he addresses it now and less if he leaves it. It will mean perhaps a hospital stay with more drs.

ohnonotgmail

when you say

struggling to keep food down when he does eat

do you mean nausea and vomiting? Given that he already required an amputation and has been in a diabetic coma and still refuses treatment then somebody else needs to start making his medical decisions for him. Doing what mike_ie suggests would be a very good start.

Meauldsegosha

OP you should give the Diabetes Clinic in your nearest hospital a ring. The Diabetes Nurse Specialist (DNS) would have experience in dealing with this type of situation. I attend the diabetes clinic in Beaumont Hospital and the DNS' there are much more clued in about the daily living with diabetes then doctors and GPs.

fussyonion

I have a friend whose father is also type 2 diabetic and is very stubborn when it comes to doctors.

He came very close to having his leg amputated due to smoking and poor diabetic care on his own part, yet nothing would scare him enough into taking his health more seriously.

He eats cakes and sweets to beat the band, doesn't exercise and drinks far more than he's meant to.
The only way he will go to the doctor is if he is in chronic pain or if his daughter guilt trips him.

I understand how frustrating and worrying it is for you, OP, and like mike.ie said, getting the doctor to the house might be the only way your Dad'll see sense.

whippet

My father was ill for 12 months .. getting progressively worse - refused point blank to see a doctor and kept trying to make out he was better than he was. My mother enabled this behaviour by doing everything for him and ensuring that we didn't really know how bad he was.

Eventually I bit the bullet and arrange to get the doc down to see him .. only problem the morning before the doc was due to arrive I ended up having to call an ambulance as I thought he was just about to die in front of my eyes.

He has eventually recovered to some extent after 12 months in hospital and having a number of very close calls ... he is back home now and has 180 degree change in attitude .. realised how stupid and stubborn he was and how much it has cost him and how much more it could have cost him ... he was never an emotional man (quite the opposite) but is now nearly brought to tears when he gets to chat and talk to his grand children having thought he would never see them grow up.

Don't do what I did and wait until it is to late ... make an intervention - get the doc down as soon as possible - explain the situation to the doc before hand; you'd be surprised how the older generation are too proud to look for help but when they get it they are very appreciative