Counsellor Moving Across Country

LegacyUser

Hi,

Gone unreg for this. I live in a small town, and my counsellor also lives here. I've been going to him for a few months, but haven't told anyone except a couple of friends. He's well-known throughout the town as we all know everyone.

Today, I was at the big shop and heard someone say "can you believe it that _counsellor_ is going?" I listened in on the conversation for a bit, and apparently he's planning on moving to another county (hours away). They didn't say how soon or any of that, but that he was going.

I'm very upset that he's leaving. When I got home and fully realised that I had to stop going to him, I actually had a little cry. I know I shouldn't be attached to him. I didn't notice myself getting attached. Doesn't help that I bumped into him a few times over the months out and about. We do be completely professional, and our relationship does be in no way personal, but I'm still devastated.

I went to another counsellor before him, as I didn't want to be bumping into my counsellor. It took about an hour to get to the place, and after three sessions it was clear we didn't click. The drive was too much too, so I said I'd try going to him anyway. He was easy to talk to instantly and I felt like he actually cared and understood me (but I know it's just his job at the end of the day).

I'm going mainly for father issues now (growing up, Dad was an alcoholic which brought about all types of problems with us) and then I've anxiety as well, but that's not a huge problem anymore. I'm 22. I said it to my boyfriend and he said maybe I got attached because of my issues with Dad. I don't know what to do or whether to say it to him or what.

Thanks.

Tokyo

I can understand why you are upset at this news - you have, after all, formed a bond with this person, and have discussed some very personal parts of your life with him. However, at the moment you just have the information that he is leaving on hearsay, nothing more - you don't know for sure that he is leaving, or when he is leaving. So the most prudent thing to do would be to ask him at your next session. Mention to him that you overheard in town that he might be leaving, and if there was any truth to that. If it does turn out to be true, then at least you will have a timeline to work with, and your counsellor will be able to help you make arrangements to see somebody else, and may perhaps even be able to recommend somebody personally.

Magicmatilda

Please do not feel bad for being attached. You are supposed to get attached to your counsellor. That is a big part of the process. The experience of a healthy attachment followed by a healthy separation.

If he does go, you will deal with it in the session leading up to it. You can discuss it and your feelings.

I think the fact that you cried is a good sign. I cried when I realised my last counselling relationship would be coming to an end.

santana75

Dont worry about it. This happens a lot. You meet a counselor you really click with and then they leave. Its happened to me twice. It is tough to swallow at first and you think you wont be able to cope or get another counselor who you click with like that, but you will. I firmly believe this happens for a reason and looking back on the two times it happened to me, it actually made me more independent, and more able to rely on myself for counsel. Like its kind of like the stabilisers being removed from the bike wheels and you get to wobble a bit on your own, but it teaches you to that you can be fine and you are your own best therapist.