Oversensitivity is ruining my life

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Just to say from the start: this thread is not set up to look for medical advice. Rather, I'm really hoping to hear from people who have been through the same thing or who have advice.

I was diagnosed with atypical depression some time back (increase in appetite, oversleeping, patterns of oversensitivity/rejection sensitivity). It's the last part that I have really struggled with. It's difficult - and somewhat embarrassing - to explain. I feel anxiety or humiliation strongly at the slightest rebuff, and I overreact strongly. I don't become violent or perceivably angry to that person. Instead I internalise the emotions or lash out at those closest to me verbally. I become cold and distant while I think about these 'rejections' over and over in my head.

For example, if a waitress is rude to me, I could still be thinking about it for days after - or it could be popping into my head even weeks afterwards. Every so often, things that happen years ago will drift into my head (say, for example, the time a store clerk shouted at me in front of other people) and I'll feel as angry as I did years ago. Then a domino effect will happen with other negative (and inconsequential) memories rising to the surface. The funny thing is, if I ask someone for feedback on some work I've done, then I really want their honest, constructive feedback. They could tell me the whole thing needs to be redone, and I'd really appreciate that. I only seem to overreact in irrational situations.

I can rationalise these thoughts (the person was just having a bad day, it's nothing personal), but it's like my mind and my emotions don't connect. I still feel the rejection, humiliation or anger. Sometimes it leads me to avoid social situations, I seem to live in constant readiness for something aggressive that's about happen, it's put a strain on my relationship, and, above all, I've completely exhausted myself.

What's more, 3 years ago I moved to a different culture. This culture is much more direct and forthright (and I'd say aggressive) than Ireland, so I'm confronted with these situations much more often. Right now I'm seeing a therapist and I've been taking medication, which is helping. However, I've decided to see a different therapist since i feel the current one isn't focussing on this issue enough (she just tells me to rationalise the situation, which I'm capable of doing).

Has anyone experienced this? Were you able to get over it? Should I focus on improving the rejection sensitivity or would it be better to target the depression as a whole and that might alleviate what I've been going through. Basically, I'm curious to hear any experiences or tips or ideas.

I'm grateful for any advice. Thanks for your time.

Mayboy

Hi,

I'm not sure if this will help but have you tried to just see the situation coming up, developing, passing over you and away? Making reacting a really specific choice, just saying 'hmmm, I see what is happening, watching it pass and only engaging if really necessary. I think the issue might be the 'reactiveness' as opposed to the actual events themselves. Same with ruminating on thoughts - can you see that it comes up, registers and passes and you don't have to judge it, talk about it- just let it go - its really meditation techniques but in a day to day situation. With practice I think you can be very conscious of what it is that is happening, make sure you don't engage with it and remember you choose to engage with it in the first place. If you make that choice and don't mean to - just acknowledge it and return to not reacting.

Good luck.

santana75

But the thing is you get a choice in how you react and interpret anything. You get to choose if something gets at you or not and it sounds like you're just passively allowing everything to get in there and undermine you. You're not a victim and you're not powerless here, you can turn it around whenever you choose to. Its got nothing to do with your therapist or medication.
You have to look after yourself as in like yourself. When you do that you won't turn it around and use something that happened to attack yourself. Right now what you do is you'll respond to a situation by interpreting it as a negative reflection on you and then you'll start beating yourself up. Over and over. Even replaying scenes from the past. Thats just frustration at not standing up for yourself at the time of the event and turning that anger inwards. It sounds like you Dont speak up for yourself in the moment and then later you get angry at yourself for this. So you have to stand up for yourself and not introvert when things happen. That way later you'll know you did yourself right. But look, the most important thing is to forgive and like you self. Everything is built on that foundation. When you like yourself you literally won't give two fcuks what anyone says about you or to you, it won't get in there.

shaymus27

Hi SUPERSENSITIVE,

I would be a fairly sensitive person myself.

I think the better you feel about yourself the better you can cope with things.

The more support you have, the better you can cope. Support from being close to family, friends etc.

Conversely, the more isolated you are, the less you can cope. If you have moved abroad you may not have a lot of support and may be a bit isolated. If you were in Ireland and had no support you might still struggle.

You might be a Highly Sensitive Person. I don't know. Look up Highly Sensitive Person traits on the internet. You will probably find you have some of these traits.

There are good points to being a HSP and you will see them on the internet.

However, if you are in a situation where lack of manners and respect, more aggression etc. prevails, as a very sensitive person you will feel a bit overwhelmed by it.

I think the better you feel about yourself and the more support you have can help you cope well. Make sure you enjoy life and don't just focus on the negatives. The more you enjoy life the less the negatives will matter to you.

Focusing on what ignorant people said is a mistake. There are idiots and ignoramuses in this world and they will always try to make others feel as sour and unhappy as they are. Rise above them and don't care what they say. People of any class or quality don't try to make others feel bad. Quality people aren't always plentiful so value yourself and don't take to heart what unhappy, rude, insensitive people say.

People sometimes aren't being intentionally rude, they just may not be in any way sensitive or as aware as you for the need for respect.

The busier you are the less you will focus on the negatives. You won't notice the rude remarks as much. Being active and doing physical things gets you out of your head. Cutting the grass, playing sport, anything physical brings a physical balance to your internal mental dialogue. Exercise helps with Depression also.

Deal with your issues, but don't forget to enjoy life. One way to cure the negatives is to have a lot of positives - fun!!!!!!!

Best of Luck.

LegacyUser

Might you be misinterpreting the way people deal with you? Sorry, but I'm afraid I find it hard to believe that a waitress (who will be looking for tips) would be deliberately rude to you - or that someone working in a shop would shout at you (a huge no-no for them). Are you looking for faults/slights in the way people deal with you?

I don't say that to accuse you of lying, I'm just putting it out there that maybe your perception of the situation is not correct, so perhaps the real problem isn't how you deal with bad reactions/rejections; but your perception that they are bad reactions/rejection. Apols if I've got that all wrong.

LegacyUser

OP fair play for coming forward and admitting there's an issue, always the first step to a healthier mind even if it is anonymously on a forum. I share much of your sensitivity to the situations you have found yourself in. you're bang on the money about those old feelings coming back from past situations in which you were the target of aggression. I still get those from time to time, but they pass, and don't linger for more than a moment. little things that were said, heightened emotions, shouting etc. and certain quotes find themselves wandering back into my mind, bringing it all back. I will admit I am sensitive to those things and dislike confrontation, which I think is part of your sensitivity problem too. how do you feel in the moment OP? when someone is having a go at you?? do you remember little quotes and lines from different incidents like I do??

the other day I had to ask the waiter in a noisy place to repeat himself three times and the third time he shouted in a kind've ''DO YOU HEAR ME NOW ASSHOLE'' kinda way. another time I was unknowingly short on cash due to a price change at a food place, the girl got the manager and i felt the manager was judging me because I was a euro short on my meal. he let me off, was fairly decent about it, but it still sat in my head for a day or two as it was my first time dealing with something off that nature. its funny how that, however small, these things are the big things to HSPs. the slightest hint of upset or aggression can set one off, and I cant put it to rest until the matter is resolved or the person explains/ apologises for their behaviour.

I would suggest reading up on this as you strike me as probably HSP but im no expert and don't know ya. there's a fairly famous book called the highly sensitive person which will probably help gain a clearer insight on you and your personality. also try 'don't sweat the small stuff'' by Richard Carlson, another popular one (10m sales) that could benefit you. all depends if you're a reader though.

social avoidance will do you no favours and isolation will only leave you to dwell in your thoughts which is something you probably do a lot of. definitely agree with others to push yourself out there if you can, keep busy and active, keep in good, trustworthy company. if the aggression comes, it comes - all you can do is up skill yourself and develop tools to help you counteract them better as they come. think to yourself ''this too shall pass''.

keep up the counselling and the search for one to best suit your needs. one thing id like to know, is this something which stems from childhood? were you the type at school to cry and sulk when the teacher gave out to you? I certainly was.

the sensitivity is something you should definitely target first as it appears to be a significant part of a larger scale problem. work on that and the rest to follow. good luck OP and thanks for sharing.

shaymus27

Apologies for extra post. Just want to clarify.

I am sure you have been correctly diagnosed with atypical depression.

Any advice from qualified people is more accurate than advice from this site or from non-qualified people.

My reference to you possibly being a Highly Sensitive Person was intended to show you that you may have worthy characteristics as outlined on the internet. Sensitivity to the feelings of others might be one of them.

People who work on the front line who deal with a lot of people won't always be sensitive to people. If you have a lot of people to deal with it is harder than only having a few as regards having the time to be sensitive. Some are rude. I have encountered waitresses and front line people who think they are superior to people they are serving despite the fact that the people they are serving may work in highly responsible prestigious jobs.

You need to get straight in your head that some people are disrespectful and if they are to you, you can't take it to heart. See it as a failing in them rather than a failing in you.

You don't read or hear about how rude people can be, but it exists.

Try focus on having fun, friendships, hobbies and exercise rather than your problems. Laughter is a great medicine. Being around people you like and who like you gives you a lift. Of course do whatever is prescribed by qualified people.

You are not alone.

Best of luck.